whatever love spell the doll cast on joey is working, because today he announced, with a big smile, that the wedding hiatus is over and the two will be married in january. i am really, seriously and truly hoping that this news is in the wake of another unplanned pregnancy! i demand a shotgun wedding of her. i love babies and seeing the doll with a glow that isn't due to shooting too much dope makes me warm all over.
word around the campfire is kathleen has been complaining to friends that, ever since joey tried to off himself, the two haven't been intimate. this cannot be true! the doll is a sexual minx whose magical beauty could bring even a blind man to seeing! what is wrong with this joey guy? this is totally joey's fault because he has the charisma of nosferatu. just kidding, even nosferatu has game.
she claimed that it's been "months" and that she's worried joey is cheating, because he barely even kisses her anymore! lame. sad. this sucks for him because i know at least four guys (jimmy, beau, maynard and loyal) who would be more than happy to assist the doll in her frustrations. don't worry beautiful brat! you still got that fire! if joey can't see it, at least you still have one more kiss brother left!
and of course this all comes after jimmy went around running his mouth about how he and the doll pretty much got A+ in sexual chemistry class back in the day. gross. no wonder joey is slacking when it comes to laying the doll's pipe - he's probably super duper creeped out!
the shady lake cast and crew is coming together quite swimmingly - we already have argosy burns starring as coco rodriguez; the lost boys are putting the score together and now johnny kiss has been named as executive producer. if you aren't familiar with johnny, he is joey and jimmy's older brother and probably near the top 5 of the doll's to-do list. he is the most muscular of the kiss bunch, having wrestled his high school and college career. but don't think that just because he has some school under his belt doesn't mean he isn't just as greasy as his brothers! he too dons leather jackets, motorcycle boots and ripped denim jeans as well. bummer. thought he would be the one to break the kiss grease curse that affects all males of the family. all i know is - if argosy, who is currently single and johnny, who is also currently single, hook up on the set of shady lake, the doll will be quickly contacting satan for a contract hit. if joey turns out to be a bust, surely the beautiful one will put a love spell on johnny.
i have a feeling the doll is wanting to crawl into a little doll ball and disappear from the world for awhile. first she has jimmy kiss running around, reminding everyone that the two used to make out when they were 14 year olds; and now she has sammy "third degree" burns wondering where his £600,000 ran off to! i am positive sammy is reading the headlines of the local grimaldi newspaper with a disapproving look. it went down yesterday, when what was supposed to be a routine trip to the bank went awry. by complete accident, the doll misplaced £600,000 of sammy's money and didn't even give him so much as an I.O.U!
kathleen's story goes that she got the envelope of money, meant for sammy's personal bank account, and on the way to the bank, she accidentally dropped some of the money in the envelope while at the gas station. more like dropped it in a drug dealer's hands! i know what you're thinking, doesn't she know how to count? but don't blame the doll - she left public school at a tender age to pursue a higher life of shooting dope and hopping trains with greasy punks. oh, and frenching an entire family whose name rhymes with 'piss.' luckily this is something we can all *sigh* and LOL about now, because sammy has chosen to bail out his chosen one yet again. he decided to spare the doll, and her multimillion dollar contract because, "what's nothing to someone who gives it away for free? she's not for sale so money is of no object..." ok, i want a handful of what they're on.
jimmy kiss will never stop being jimmy kiss, which means we all need to expect him to open his big, fat mouth every now and again. today was no exception to this rule, as he regaled the flashers with all of his best, unused back catalog memories of him and the doll. let's take a trip down memory lane...even back in the day, when the doll still had bows and ribbons in her hair, stars in her eyes and a backpack on her shoulders, she was messing with kiss! jimmy pretty much swore on the torah in front of the flashers that the two go back to their teen years, to when baby babble was 13 and he was 15. ZOMG bb! 13??! so young. such innocence lost. back before jimmy was greasy and his wardrobe exclusively consisted of ripped denim jeans and leather jackets; before the beautiful one had her itsy bitsy babydoll dresses, her foilie-smoke stained ballet slippers and a nasty denim jacket to match...to a more simpler time, when jimmy kiss and kathleen grace were in high school in arcadia. jimmy told the flashers that during this time, the doll was very much a "little girl" and not the "bitch" she is now. um, okay...
he also went on to say that before him, she had never had a boyfriend or even kissed a guy! he soon put an end to that, and even had the dusty pictures to prove it! jimmy told it as the kiss took place somewhere near the end of the school year and that he, the doll and a group of friends were together at a house show, when kathleen decided it would be the perfect time to snap a photo. she pulled a camera out of her purse and this is when jimmy uttered the soon to be famous phrase, "this would be a better photo," and proceeded to then lock lips with the unsuspecting doll. jimmy claimed that from then on, the two were inseparable and that she would even sneak him through her window at night while mama doll was in the next room asleep! bold - i applaud her for being that girl, even in junior high.
jimmy painted a typical night like this : the two of them, rolling around underneath the covers, while soft, 90s alternative rock plays. candles and incense are lit and it smells like doobies. posters of riot grrrl bands hang on the walls and her homework in on her vanity, next to her makeup. sounds like some junior high shit. yawn.
happy birthday mama doll! if it weren't for your daughter, you wouldn't look a day over 22 and i mean it! it's just such a shame that girl discovered blow all those years ago. or should i say blow discovered her....
anyways, shixsa kathleen and joey hosted a super special shabbat dinner party in honor of her very own mother. she even flew her out special on her private jet, the crippler, and gave ludo ludovic and sodapop the shit jobs of accompanying her. on the way, they picked up mama kiss and, for whatever reason, jimmy kiss as well. the two moms are quite friendly and are photographed regularly without their famous children. and no, i know what you're thinking - they weren't heading into a police station to bail them out! the two generally meet for dinner several times a month and have also been seen shopping together. OMG, i just had a thought : what if they're lezzy lesbians? imagine that!
as predicted, jimmy the wet mop was there and was being a sourpuss the entire night. sodapop told the flashers, over a cigarette before cutting the birthday cake, that jimmy wouldn't even sit at the dinner table - he sat in the living room the entire time, watching a baseball game! what a dick.
nothing else really cool to report, other than eldest kiss brother johnny was in attendance and when he strolled into the dinner, the doll probably pictured herself dumping joey for a hot minute and running off into the sunset with johnny. 2 brothers down, doll, 1 to go....
the doll was on a popular grimaldi news programme this afternoon to talk about shady lake. now, the channel might as well have said it was a tell-all interview about joey's suicide and her miscarriage, because the host had a barrage of questions that were 100% off-topic. the interview went something like this:
host: so, kathleen, how's it been going? kathleen: been writing a lot for the upcoming movie, shady lake
host: what has this experience been like?
kathleen: next question.
host: but a lot of people found your miscarriage unbelievably tragic...what did you think about it?
kathleen: you have to be kidding me.
host: and then to have joey, your fiancé, nearly commit suicide. what do you hope the future to hold for you two?
kathleen: *laughs* i can't believe i was dumb enough to book this show.
host: do you still love him?
kathleen: i love him enough for the both of us.
once outside the studio, she bitched and moaned about the interview and said she would put a spell on the host. just kidding! she said she would use her ouija board to communicate with ghostly spirits to haunt the host.
it was one year ago today that the doll waltzed out on a monticello stage with nothing but an american flag draped over her body...thus, inciting thousands to riot in the middle of nowhere. LOL, i know it sounds like a blast right now, but at the time the doll was in some hot, hot, boiling hot water! R.I.P. to all the sweet concert tees lost in the bonfires created by rioting fans; a shouts out to all the naked girls and all the horny guys; and lastly, a big ups to the doll. because with her, we would never have had a reason to drain our bank accounts and travel all the way out to bumfuck monticello for a gathering of freaks. oh, and i completely forgot to mention all the drugs. and not just the one in the doll's system.
kathleen is such a diva, she can do business anywhere she pleases - from her office at home, to a yacht, to the shores of a private beach, to a disco on another, fancier yacht. today, she signed a deal from argosy's family mansion on the isle of grimaldi for a motion picture, to be called shady lake .
not much is known about the plot yet, but apparently shady lake is based off of a scary story kathleen wrote when she was in 4th grade. obviously it will be revamped for today's audiences. argosy is in talks to star and the doll is currently looking for a male lead and a director. the film will follow a young girl, named coco rodriguez, and her boyfriend as they go camping on shady lake. unbeknownst to them, a psycho killer is on the loose, on foot, and on the way to shady lake!! i bet it will be similar to any great 90s slasher horror movie.
can't wait, sounds like it'll be a scream.
and by all means, the doll is a video ho as well. the lost boys' latest video, "nancy is a heartbreaker," stars the two as themselves. in the first scene, the doll and her beau are engaged in one of their usual knock down and drag out crackhead fights, when the doll throws her famous locket with joey's picture inside right at his face! thus, making her the heartbreaker...
cut to the second scene - joey is walking, and no, not to the pawn shop to get some money for that locket in the last scene - joey is walking home, to change and head out for a night with the lost boys. he throws on a ratty white tee shirt, some tight black pants and a nasty, disease-infested leather jacket. the boys are dressed similarly. the video cues to a shot of downtown grimaldi. the sun is setting between buildings. clips of the night are playing : joey wilding out, breaking beer bottles in the street, doing whippets, hanging with gang members, skateboarding with other punks, greasing his hair back, dancing his skinny booty off, robbing people, flipping off the camera, air-boxing, smoking blunts, playing grab-ass.........you get the picture. cut to end scene : joey stumbles into some kind of random hotel party and immediately eyes the doll in a corner. as he makes his way over to her, he begins stripping and the video ends with the two making out and rolling around in a bathroom. ICK NAST.
firstly, who would want to roll around with greasy joey kiss, let alone on the floor of some gross hotel party? make better choices doll! otherwise, kathleen was born to play the role of the heartbreaker. i was just wondering why my boy shuggie didn't make his big screen debut! with a stage name like shuggie bo bellski, he is bound for stardom. trust.
both kisses cemented their love for each other today with a sentimental tattoo of a simple heart with an arrow going through it. kathleen chose hers to be in purple and joey opted for turquoise. in other doll news, the two want to spend the summer on the isle of grimaldi, and are trying to get back ASAP. that is, after joey gets arrested again! just kidding, he's staying there for the vitamin D. hopefully it'll cure him from trying to off himself. kathleen is attached to his hip like always, smoking foilies out of seashells and communicating in a language only mermaids understand.
on a particularly sultry night in june, the elevator to the sunrise apartment houses, the downtown luxury high rise building, opens onto the 52nd floor. you can reach kathleen and joey's condo by private elevator, as it takes up the entire floor and is completed with a wraparound balcony. inside, massive floor-to-ceiling windows offer unbelievable views of the twinkling isle, a view that spans miles: from the beach-going tourist crowds to the downtown-dwelling locals. that being said, the view from kathleen's apartment surely has to be the best in the city. perchance, and this would without doubt done to avoid a 'pissing match,' as the doll would say, with the scenes of such splendor, the decor is intentionally minimum. floor and hanging flora and fauna dot the house, as well as handfuls of photographs - all black and white - that are seemingly shot by kathleen or joey. in all, the locale agrees with the doll's infamous level of class, yet still seems rugged enough for the reigning hood, joey kiss. in the kitchen, their chef - an old southern man by the unforgettable name of shuggie bo bellski, sits huddled over a portable television with headlock; their two sets of eyes transfixed on a sports game. as kathleen and joey make their way into the room, shuggie snaps to attention and pours her a hot cup of tea. as for joey, shuggie turns heel and pours him a cocktail. kathleen makes a quick hand motion to headlock and he silently produces a pack of pre-rolled blunt (cigars) to her. she hands one to joey, keeps one for herself, tucks one behind her ear and the pack is returned to headlock for him to fill again.
kathleen is wearing her signature pink ballet slippers, a pair of hip-hugging denim sailor pants and a white button-down cotton shirt. her ratty blonde hair is pulled out of her face in a ponytail, giving her a classic tousled american look. she herself even remarks that she could easily pass for the casual weekend look of any 1950s homemaker. there's something about her appearance, almost as if she's wearing a mask - the life of a happy wife and mother, as opposed to the life of a troubled libertine. it's almost as if, through such a simple outfit, so unusual of her character, that she's demonstrating to the world a different, previously unseen side of her.
even her condo implies this, as all of her residences up to this point have been large mansions on the top of hillsides that generally overlooked whatever city she had currently selected. joey takes a lighter from his pants pocket and lights kathleen's blunt for her, complaining that she "always makes it run," but with a smile. she leads to the living room and takes a seat the sofa-couch. she grabs a remote and powers on her flat screen television - a popular news programme is on. the doll converses with joey for a moment, until a joke with the mention of her name forces her attention; she switches the television off and wanders over to her balcony.
this evening, the small isle of grimaldi is hidden underneath the violet clouds of sunset, though the slight chance of summer rain haunts nearby businesses, with tourists clinging close to skyscrapers for fear of bad weather. "there's nothing quite like the view of the city and the ocean, is there?" joey says half-modest and half-portentous. he nudges kathleen with a grin and says, "it's just the beach."
for her time and genre, kathleen is one of the most popular artists around. she got her start at a young age - thirteen - with the help of her parents, two well-to-do arcadians that owned a handful of successful nightclubs, restaurants and businesses. at fifteen, she was a published novelist. in her 20s now, she is no longer a child - in fact, she's ready to bear them. this brought her worldwide attention last year when the announcement of the doll's pregnancy ushered in opinions from just about everybody. the good news was all anybody could talk about for months; that is, until kathleen and joey were devastated by the loss of their unborn child, not four weeks away from birth. now, although 'in hiding,' as kathleen calls it, she rarely skips a night at her downtown studio, located not blocks away from her condo. often working until dawn on her new book entitled 💘, she attests that she rarely has time to glance at the news. "even if i did," she says, with poise, "i know people are still talking about my baby." true, the event did bring her even more unnecessary attention - including a highly publicized prime-time interview on network television.
when the anchor would ask her a question that was obviously pushing the limit of appropriate and inappropriate, kathleen would glower, sigh and then respond, "did you say something?" near the end of the programme, the anchor eventually became fed up with the lack of effort kathleen was exuding, and decided to ask about kathleen's well-documented libertine behavior, to which she responded, "i'm the doll. that's who i am. i do what i want and as the doll, my work is never finished." joey pipes up and says that her attitude would be frowned upon by traditionalists, she ignores the negativity and focuses on proving her point.
"i'm glad you said that, baby," she says, beaming, "you know, i've always believed that in order to be #1, you have to be the best at everything.
"think about all the people who have come before me: kat hanna, barbie and malibu stacy, huey p. newton, woody guthrie, artie kornfeld, babs stanwyck, dimebag darrell, jackie o. and john f. kennedy, the girls of L7 and the people of mumbo gumbo - they were the best at what they did, just like me." kathleen smirks, " i mean, once you've achieved a certain height of fame like i, you have to realize that the people beneath you are either critics or fans."
we settle onto a black leather sofa and shuggie places a plate of fresh fruits onto the glass coffee table in front of us, right next to a stack of books, about the illuminati, the ramayana and copy of ☺ in german, hindi and spanish, respectively.
kathleen grabs a slice of fruit and has shuggie retrieve another pre-rolled blunt from the pack in his shirt pocket. the doll rarely gets ashamed, but as she's lighting the 5th blunt i've seen her smoke all night, she has a look of indignity on her face. she then says, "judge all you want - i'm trying to have babies, so i 86'd the ciggie smoking months ago." in her defense, kathleen has always been a candid person. but at this point in the night, everyone in the house (sans headlock and shuggie) is stoned. kathleen especially.
joey laughs at her. "oh, baby," he says, "you now people don't care if you smoke grass or if you smoke crack-cocaine. people will still love you all the same."
she passes the blunt to him. "i've never said people will hate or love me. i'm not perfect and i can't try to achieve everyone's respect, because that's not real life.
"you want to know something? honestly, i don't think i'll ever be the greatest writer, but if i have a book dropping, you can be damn sure it's the best around. even my favorite artist hasn't done half the shit i've done. so, it's no wonder that nowadays all people ask me are things like: do you ever miss lux? i heard you still talk to jimmy kiss, is that true? are you high right now? do you believe in aliens? are you a natural blonde? - because the only thing i can respond to these types of questions is: fuck yes, only always."
she walks to the massive sliding glass door and gazes lovingly at the view of the city. "at the end of the day, it's the only thing people care about; and i couldn't care less."
kathleen's pinch-hitter publicist, brother and all around loudmouth sodapop cola has really outdone himself this time. in between his ultra demanding and high-paced schedule of taking wingnut on walks around the neighborhood and snooping in the doll's diary for possible press material, soda has signed a deal for a tell-all book about his sister. i only have three things to say about this:
1.) soda loves to blab about everyone's personal life, so this really comes as no surprise.....what surprises me is that it's not a how-to manual on diming your famous siblings out for a living!
2.) you'd have to be a class A moron to write a tell-all about the one person who puts a roof over your head
3.) you know that there's a totally a ghostwrite for his book......and his name is jimmy kiss
after sodapop finished dishing to reporters about his deal, he then switched gears to joey kiss' trouble with the law. he told the fence that if the kisses ever return from grimaldi, joey faces several court dates and a possible stint in the big house. then again, you know how the arcadian judicial system works when it comes to matters involving the doll - joey will be out in minutes for good behavior. in other doll news, it's good to have her back in the public eye, because i missed her scrawny ass. seriously. santa claus answered my prayers early this year with "green for the money; gold for the honey." it also gave us an introduction to baby babble's chef, shuggie bo bellski. shuggie pretty much sounds like a funky pimp from harlem in the 1970s, so he must be the perfect fit to the doll's team. besides, anyone who can get along with the bitch of all bitches - headlock - is immediately hired on, so shuggie didn't really have a choice as it is.
running around the globe promoting your bestselling book and trying to commit suicide are super tiring activities, so the kisses have decided to take a vacation. they're spending the week on the isle of grimaldi, in the birdcage neighborhood - an area known for it's constant playing of disco music, high occupancy of only the best, extra-fruity homosexuals and widespread usage of club drugs. basically, it's the party that never stops.
kathleen talked argosy, daughter of sammy 'third degree' burns (who owns hep parade ), into opening the doors to her family mansion - today, the doll told papers that she "would never leave," and that argosy made, "a huge tactical error" in giving her the master set of keys.
baby babble then told the fence that she is due back in the office on monday, but has already phoned in sick in advance. yeah, she's sick alright - sick of working! she ended the conversation with reporters by assuring she was not joking.
in other doll news, she has officially changed her address from 1999 lisbon lane, easy street hills of arcadia to big mansion down the street from a bunch of drag clubs, isle of grimaldi
.
the world's #1 cutest couple and their fleet were called to cielo last night, to celebrate the opening of the albion beauty bar located at the foot of the primrose canyon. now, the two probably had better things to do - like drugs - but were in attendance because kathleen co-owns the joint, alongside mate argosy burns.
now, speaking of co-owners, argosy's father sammy 'third degree' burns (who heads hep parade) recently invested in pretty people club. sammy once again co-owns part of the doll's soul! does this mean he will be overseeing the production of baby babble's next book, 💘. sammy might also be somewhat in control of the beautiful one's own pretty people club magazine, so you know what that means.....more fanmail.
and more fanmail means the walls of the beauty bar won't be bare - kathleen was put in charge of design and chose to use old tabloid articles, fanmail columns and personal photos as wallpaper. trotsky, ludo ludovic, the lost boys, jimmy and joey kiss, as well as countless others dot the walls; HEP! and DIG! play endlessly on the television screens throughout the bar.
in other doll news, the kisses are planning a trip to the isle of grimaldi soon. the beautiful one thought it would be a good idea for joey to get away from the spotlight for a while. plus grimaldi has some pretty good blow, if you know what i mean!
baby babble's tour to support ☺ was brought to an abrupt halt tonight during a reading at the hangover house in downtown mulholland. the story is still being pieced together; apparently the doll was in mid-sentence when she locked in on a member of the audience, clad in a tee-shirt that read 'kiss should be dead.'
she addressed the man and asked him to come forward - which he stupidly did - and then she told him to fork over the offensive shirt on the double. the man shook his head no, so the doll wasted no time in launching into the sea of unfamiliar faces and, with the help of her more than willing fan army, ripped the shirt from his body. and then she proceeded to beat him senseless. the doll broke his nose, two fingers and a rip before security guards could pull her away.
in response to the baby frenzy that has followed this story, kathleen responded, "he was asking for it....besides i've done worse things to better men."
the doll's camp responded, "no comment."
sodapop responded, "by crossing my heart and hoping to die, i don't know what the hell you're talking about."
hep parade announced today that they are cancelling the remaining six dates and bringing the ☺ tour to a close, to allow kathleen to focus on joey. more like they don't want her to focus her fists on anymore innocent civilians! LOL, good luck.
the heartless group of rich and sheltered suits that sign the doll's paychecks are surely going to have a long afterlife in the 9th circle of hell - just 10 days after kathleen's true love, joey kiss, was discovered half-dead in cielo, the doll's book has been released and she's been thrown on a press tour!
the tour kicked off with a luncheon, a reading at a popular bookstore in downtown arcadia and then took a trip down memory lane and answered some questions from fans. and, you guessed it, the doll bombed.
now, let's give her bony ass some credit - it's her first time in the media since joey tried to end it all and the questions she was given were less than second-rate. plus, if you add a little bit of cocaine in the mix you're going to get one classic doll fanmail column released 'round the world:
Q:Is it true you tried to kill Joey Kiss?
A: that sounds like a loaded question
Q: Are you going to try and kill yourself now?
A: DON'T U KNO WHO I AM???? you can't ask those kind of questions. i can have you fired for that type of shit.
Q: Joey : Heroin :: Doll : __________?
A: GO$$IP
Q:I don't get it - your fiancé just tried to kill himself....why are you going on tour?
A: well, i'm here to make $$$$$$$$$$ and the bottom line is - the man is going to try and take advantage of you if you're underground and they'll take advantage of you if you're signed to a major label. the more money i make, the more the people like you leave me alone.
Q: Would you miss him?
A: every minute of every day
Q:Who is ☺ dedicated to?
A: LUCIFER + WINGNUT + LUXY
Q: How much money do you make per year?
A: a boatload - 2 MUCH 2 COUNT
Q:I just saw HEP! and DIG! for the first time and my favorite part is you dancing to the credits - is this candid or was it scripted?
A: I GO HAM - always candid. but the director did have to warm me up to the idea...he was telling me shit like, "remember me from the freak fest? i was one of the roadies!" and "yo, i can't stand that beau fool!"
Q: What's next for the Doll?
A: HELL
Q: Are you planning on staying with Joey, or are you going to get back with one of your exes? Beau? Loyal? Maynard? Jimmy?
A: you can't believe everything you see and hear, now can you? i feel like joey'd want me to tell you all to go fuck yourselves.
the best part of the story is that the doll's backers are going to hire a tour manager - and, nope, it's not headlock - to wrangle kathleen. in an interview with the fence, the tour manager said that the doll is a "hothead" and seems like it will be a "struggle" to get her through the tour in one piece. the tour manager swears that the doll is on drugs and a good night for her consists of a million foilies. taking off all her clothes, running in circles around the stage, talking to herself and stage-diving. diva!
in other doll news, joey kiss is out of the hospital and currently under close suicide watch at the couple's lisbon drive home.
to my doll:i only have one one thing to say: you're like my heroin.
seeing as this is coming from the heart of a melancholy man in mourning, i hope you'll be able to understand this.
doll, for as long as i can remember - i have been in love with you; which, at times has been good for me and at times bad for me. you're like my heroin. i can't fool you, or anyone else for that matter - i am 100% in love with you.
i believe what ultimately has led me to this choice is the realization that the life i currently lead has gone to nothing but shit. i have lost my baby, my mind, my life to addiction. also, i feel that the pressures of reaching superstardom with the success i've found with the lost boys and L3 M30W have aided in my decision.
perhaps if luxy had made it there wouldn't be such a gap in my relationship with you. i blame only myself baby. so, from the bottom of my black and burning heart - i love you. i love you and hope that someday you can find a way to forgive me baby.
kathleen was hard at work on her new column this morning at the pretty people club offices when she received an alarming phone call from headlock, urging her to come home. by the time she made it through arcadia's hellish morning traffic, police and ambulances were in the driveway, reporters were just beginning to arrive. before long, the entire block was a media circus, complete with journalists hounding neighbors and sneaking through backyards, all in an attempt to catch a glimpse of the greek tragedy that is the beautiful one's life.
soon after news broke that 1999 lisbon was ground zero for some real doll drama, fans of both joey and kathleen began to gather outside of the gates as well.the doll made it through the main gates when her brother, sodapop cola, jaunted up to her. he broke the news that joey kiss attempted to take his life this morning and was in critical condition at the couple's lisbon drive home.
joey had been missing for several days and was thought to be in cielo; but returned yesterday to arcadia and had been holed up, on the edge of the property, in a small guest cottage. his body was discovered by sodapop; details are still sketchy as to exactly what happened or what the hell is even going on.
one thing is for sure, though - those close to kathleen say, despite joey's recent trials and tribulations, "they were very close and they were very much in love."
police and medical technicians were on the scene early this afternoon and joey is currently in the intensive care unit. for now, kathleen has traded in the kiss cradle for the riot house. from there i'm sure she will probably fill her suite with alligator tears, smoke foilies and wonder why it couldn't have been beau badman instead.
and no, this is not an april fools' joke. it's no secret that kat happens to be attracted to loser males with an addiction to more than just kissing her sweet lips; and joey kiss is no exception to the rule. he demonstrated this flawlessly last night after being rushed to hospital, unconscious from an apparent overdose of narcotics. the doll was by his side the entire time and even spent the night in the hospital with him. she refused to speak to not only reporters, but the police as well and urged the arcadian people to leave them the hell alone. her request was not honored.
kathleen's camp dropped the curtain on the story by releasing this official statement: "..........he just took too many pills." LOL. too many pills? what an understatement! those publicists deserve the #1 spot in the super duper storystrechers of earth's all time history library-museum and hall of fame.
