no one touches the doll!

joey beats doll fan after touching kathleen's baby belly; throws them in riot house pool

kathleen and joey were enjoying a typical friday date night - dinner, movie and an assault - when the pair had headlock make a detour and head to the riot house, located in downtown arcadia. she poked her head around the property and was chatting up some guests in the gardens, when a townie thought it would be a wise idea to rub the doll's belly like she was the second coming of buddha or something!

although classy kat giggled and nonchalantly changed the subject, joey wasted no time. he snapped and asked the man WTF he thought he was doing. two nanoseconds later, that man was floating unconscious in the garden pool. when the couple were questioned by riot house security, joey said, "nobody touches my baby," and that kathleen wanted to press charges. when security told her that to do so, police needed to be involved, kathleen laughed and said, "this isn't a joke - i'm not just anybody."

come on, arcadian police get medals for helping the doll's cat down from a tree - they were there lickety split to clean up the situation. minutes after their arrival on the scene, the perp was seen being hauled off in handcuffs, in the back of a paddywagon.

joey turns over new leaf

and then the tree dies LOL

boxes upon boxes heaping full of the younger kiss' old clothing and personal belongings lined lisbon drive today, thus beginning a new chapter in the book of joey's life that is ghostwritten by the doll. naturally, he was later seen shopping at vintage boutiques for suits, polos, chinos and all sorts of other non-greaser wear straight out of the 50s.

he even gave up wearing his famous leather jacket and stated that he would start carrying a gun and, instead, retire his sheath knife, almost always worn on his hip. a present from lost boy rocko j. nasty, it has been seen on him for years and at all types of occasions - holidays, movie premieres or just a boring ass tuesday. gun definitely sounds safe though. good trade, joey.

he even called in doll ex and apparent mate, maynard g. alberkraut for help in the style department. even though marynard is more vanilla than a vanilla flavored ice cream cone, he has the fashion sense of atticus finch, which seems like a good choice for the expecting kiss.

scary beau badman scares baby babble

the dead come always come back for one last dance on halloween

everybody knows that beau is crazier is than your average bear - last night, outside of the pretty people club headquarters, he was arrested for making malicious threats and for assaulting joey. gulp.

the official story goes like this : kathleen drove to the pretty people HQ for some late, impromptu writing and had been working for about an hour, when she noticed a suspicious person on the security cameras.

she went to go check it out and by the time she got to the front door, she realized it was none other than low life beau badman! she told him to scram, lying that joey was inside, but beau was not fazed.

this wasn't the doll's first time at the crazy parade, though, so she immediately called joey that the creep of all creeps was outside and that he needed to handle the situation.

joey rolled up on his skateboard 10 minutes later and after beau tried to give him the ol' 1-2, joey picked up his skateboard and hit him over the head.

in beau's defense, he later said he was there to congratulate the doll on her baby news. oh yeah, i'll bet - sneaking around in the middle of the night? and you know how arcadian police are - they didn't even need a statement from the doll, they arrested beau lickety split.

the kisses go to arcadia for the holidays

fires warning shot at photographers

kathleen and joey were in arcadia all of twenty minutes, when photographers swarmed them inside the airport and followed them all the way home to their 1999 lisbon drive residence. by the time headlock pulled the gravedigger up, though, flashers wasted no time in rushing the gates and continuing inside the property on foot. this is when headlock parked at the garage, grabbed his pistol and proceeded to fire a warning shot in the air.
the reporter got the hint and drove off, but not before calling the cops to snitch on headlock! later on, officers arrived outside of the kiss cradle and as soon as they saw kathleen, they shrugged, sighed, turned off the sirens and went home. arcadian police and the doll go way back - they wouldn't dream of prosecuting her to the fullest extent of the law! also, i know what you're thinking - holidays? but it's october!

kathleen : "i've done worse things to better men"

doll fan learns about wild honeypie's wild right hook in mulholland

baby babble's tour to support ☺ was brought to an abrupt halt tonight during a reading at the hangover house in downtown mulholland. the story is still being pieced together; apparently the doll was in mid-sentence when she locked in on a member of the audience, clad in a tee-shirt that read 'kiss should be dead.'
she addressed the man and asked him to come forward - which he stupidly did - and then she told him to fork over the offensive shirt on the double. the man shook his head no, so the doll wasted no time in launching into the sea of unfamiliar faces and, with the help of her more than willing fan army, ripped the shirt from his body. and then she proceeded to beat him senseless. the doll broke his nose, two fingers and a rip before security guards could pull her away.
in response to the baby frenzy that has followed this story, kathleen responded, "he was asking for it....besides i've done worse things to better men."
the doll's camp responded, "no comment."
sodapop responded, "by crossing my heart and hoping to die, i don't know what the hell you're talking about."
hep parade announced today that they are cancelling the remaining six dates and bringing the ☺ tour to a close, to allow kathleen to focus on joey. more like they don't want her to focus her fists on anymore innocent civilians! LOL, good luck.

cop-caller beau badman calls cops

beau is at it again!

it seemed like the start of any normal day in beau badman's life - he woke up at his local traphouse around noon, put on his rattiest trilby and headed down to the nearest corner to begin his day of tricking for the flashers. beau wasted no time and began talking their ears off; he filled reporters' heads with nonsense about everything: from the doll's miscarriage of baby lux his own homemade allegations that joey kiss is a cheater, cheater, pumpkin seed eater. beau confirmed that the night of the alleged "accident," he witnessed the two kisses getting high as a kite on heroin. yeah, right, beau!

and kathleen was the first to call him out. even though she's sworn off all contact with the papers, not more than 20 minutes later, kathleen was on the phone with the local television network and confirmed that beau is stoned off his ass on crack. the doll said that he is still bitter from their breakup a zillion years ago and that she and joey should "teach him a lesson he'll never forget."

beau immediately took that as a threat and walked his happy ass to the arcadian police station to file a report against her! he told cops that kathleen loves to harass him and her statements on television are a prime example of this. officers surely must have been dipping into beau's secret stash, because they filed the report!
in the end, the doll's lawyer - judah fussganger - laughed away the report. judah said - much to no one's surprise - that beau is crazy to think he has a case and that he doubts police will even go so far as to question the beautiful one.

and even though beau badman can now consider himself #1 on the kisses' shitlist,  they're really gunning for the fence. after the "oh, baby, baby, baby" article in the doll's own pretty people club magazine, the two kisses have sworn off all contact with reporters. the journo behind the article referred to joey as a "heroin junkie" and implied that the two would be shitty parents. oh hell to the no! i'm on the doll's team all the way - beau badman may be an asshole for life, but the press should give babygirl some respect in her dark days. team doll!

lost boys return to arcadia

the lost boys' tour to support L3 M30W wrapped last night at the riot house in arcadia; pregnant kathleen, who was proudly sporting her tummy and grinning from ear to ear, introduced the band and even sang a couple of songs with them.

before the show, the doll held an impromptu champagne toast at the arcadian il coyote country club - also known as 'the dago dive.' the country club and baby babble have a sketchy past, only know they really aren't feeling her. see, the kisses made reservations for seven for the early evening and then showed up at half-ten, a busy hour for the club during the weekends. the hostess still made a point to seat them quickly. now, i'm a little fuzzy on the events myself, but at some point, the shit went down and before staff could tell the group to kick rocks, the kisses were at each others' throats! i'm not kidding - it took three bouncers to peel the two off of one another. obviously, police were the first to be dialed and before the station could pick up - the doll's pregnant ass was long gone down the street!

the official police report states that there is over three thousand dollars worth of damage on locale and claims to be 'heavily' pursuing the beautiful one. yeah, right! pigs will pursue the doll on the 9th of never!