is the doll pregnant with jimmy's baby?

yes, you hear me right - jimmy, not fiancé joey, could be the father?! say it ain't so!

rumors are flying around arcadia, cielo, grimaldi and monticello that several months ago, jimmy and kat were spotted together and like it was 2009 all over again; and now she's pregnant! honestly, i could see it - kat has always made a spot in her black heart for jimmy kiss, and those two get on like a house on fire...

regardless, i think joey is destined to have his heart broken by the one and only doll. the sooner he realizes, the better.

it's just funny, because i would have thought von holzy was the baby daddy! with how close those two are becoming, it's only a matter of time before pictures of them kissing in a hidden arcadian glade pop up.

long story short, the doll is a shameless flirt and will never change. if you're a guy, steer clear and if you're a woman, lock up your brothers, husbands and/or sons!

happy halloween!

break out the candy and champagne! the kisses have good news!

no, she isn't pregnant with the great pumpkin, kathleen announced tonight that she is nearing her first month of pregnancy, with the baby due in late july. she said, "i feel like it's a baby boy, this time - i'd love a little libra, but a healthy little gemini or cancer will be just as nice." i think she can stop getting her palms read and playing with tarot cards now...

baby babble broke the baby news on her way out of her 1999 lisbon drive home and to her annual riot house costume party. she was dressed as a vintage playboy bunny and joey was dressed as himself. just kidding - he was supposed to be jim morrison, lead singer of the 60s rock group, the doors, but the jokes on him! those leather pants and that concho indian belt were from his personal 'i'm a rockstar" collection and he knows it!

now, i wouldn't be surprised if he dresses like a drunk 60s rock shaman all the time now - the doll was caressing him up and down and all around the dance floor the whole night! it must be all those hormones from being knocked up. she is extra horny and doesn't give a damn who knows it! even if it is for one of the slimy, garbage pail kiss brothers - i still commend her. get it girl! you work too hard to not sexpress yourself!

has the doll lost her razor sharp edge?

goes from XXX to ZZZ... 

word around the campfire is kathleen has been complaining to friends that, ever since joey tried to off himself, the two haven't been intimate. this cannot be true! the doll is a sexual minx whose magical beauty could bring even a blind man to seeing! what is wrong with this joey guy? this is totally joey's fault because he has the charisma of nosferatu. just kidding, even nosferatu has game.

she claimed that it's been "months" and that she's worried joey is cheating, because he barely even kisses her anymore! lame. sad. this sucks for him because i know at least four guys (jimmy, beau, maynard and loyal) who would be more than happy to assist the doll in her frustrations. don't worry beautiful brat! you still got that fire! if joey can't see it, at least you still have one more kiss brother left!

and of course this all comes after jimmy went around running his mouth about how he and the doll pretty much got A+ in sexual chemistry class back in the day. gross. no wonder joey is slacking when it comes to laying the doll's pipe - he's probably super duper creeped out!

today's headlines : "the doll makes £600,000 mistake"

i have a feeling the doll is wanting to crawl into a little doll ball and disappear from the world for awhile. first she has jimmy kiss running around, reminding everyone that the two used to make out when they were 14 year olds; and now she has sammy "third degree" burns wondering where his £600,000 ran off to! i am positive sammy is reading the headlines of the local grimaldi newspaper with a disapproving look. it went down yesterday, when what was supposed to be a routine trip to the bank went awry. by complete accident, the doll misplaced £600,000 of sammy's money and didn't even give him so much as an I.O.U!

kathleen's story goes that she got the envelope of money, meant for sammy's personal bank account, and on the way to the bank, she accidentally dropped some of the money in the envelope while at the gas station. more like dropped it in a drug dealer's hands! i know what you're thinking, doesn't she know how to count? but don't blame the doll - she left public school at a tender age to pursue a higher life of shooting dope and hopping trains with greasy punks. oh, and frenching an entire family whose name rhymes with 'piss.' luckily this is something we can all *sigh* and LOL about now, because sammy has chosen to bail out his chosen one yet again. he decided to spare the doll, and her multimillion dollar contract because, "what's nothing to someone who gives it away for free? she's not for sale so money is of no object..." ok, i want a handful of what they're on.

the underworld, and worldwide, and the wide world of underground still remember freak fest

it was one year ago today that the doll waltzed out on a monticello stage with nothing but an american flag draped over her body...thus, inciting thousands to riot in the middle of nowhere. LOL, i know it sounds like a blast right now, but at the time the doll was in some hot, hot, boiling hot water! R.I.P. to all the sweet concert tees lost in the bonfires created by rioting fans; a shouts out to all the naked girls and all the horny guys; and lastly, a big ups to the doll. because with her, we would never have had a reason to drain our bank accounts and travel all the way out to bumfuck monticello for a gathering of freaks. oh, and i completely forgot to mention all the drugs. and not just the one in the doll's system.

kathleen : "i've done worse things to better men"

doll fan learns about wild honeypie's wild right hook in mulholland

baby babble's tour to support ☺ was brought to an abrupt halt tonight during a reading at the hangover house in downtown mulholland. the story is still being pieced together; apparently the doll was in mid-sentence when she locked in on a member of the audience, clad in a tee-shirt that read 'kiss should be dead.'
she addressed the man and asked him to come forward - which he stupidly did - and then she told him to fork over the offensive shirt on the double. the man shook his head no, so the doll wasted no time in launching into the sea of unfamiliar faces and, with the help of her more than willing fan army, ripped the shirt from his body. and then she proceeded to beat him senseless. the doll broke his nose, two fingers and a rip before security guards could pull her away.
in response to the baby frenzy that has followed this story, kathleen responded, "he was asking for it....besides i've done worse things to better men."
the doll's camp responded, "no comment."
sodapop responded, "by crossing my heart and hoping to die, i don't know what the hell you're talking about."
hep parade announced today that they are cancelling the remaining six dates and bringing the ☺ tour to a close, to allow kathleen to focus on joey. more like they don't want her to focus her fists on anymore innocent civilians! LOL, good luck.

baby babble babbles to fans

although today was the original date of her wedding, kathleen is spending it instead speaking to fans in the wake of joey's attempted suicide. the doll wasted no time in breaking the news to the media, figuring it better to hear it from her, rather than anyone else. she also chose to ignore her managers and publicists and addressed her fans this afternoon outside of her easy street hills home and after  reading one of joey's love letters, she played what would have been his final message, recorded on her home answer-phone machine:

to my doll:
seeing as this is coming from the heart of a melancholy man in mourning, i hope you'll be able to understand this.
doll, for as long as i can remember - i have been in love with you; which, at times has been good for me and at times bad for me. you're like my heroin. i can't fool you, or anyone else for that matter - i am 100% in love with you.
i believe what ultimately has led me to this choice is the realization that the life i currently lead has gone to nothing but shit. i have lost my baby, my mind, my life to addiction. also, i feel that the pressures of reaching superstardom with the success i've found with the lost boys and L3 M30W have aided in my decision.
perhaps if luxy had made it there wouldn't be such a gap in my relationship with you. i blame only myself baby. so, from the bottom of my black and burning heart - i love you. i love you and hope that someday you can find a way to forgive me baby.

i only have one one thing to say: you're like my heroin.
after playing what might have been joey's last words to the world, kathleen opened up the gates and began handing out some of the couple's personal items : their engagement announcement photo, a signed copy of L3 M30W, a pair of joey's boots, lux zarathustra's baby rattle, kathleen's wedding veil, an empty bottle of prescription pills....the list just goes on and on and on. the exchange with fans ultimately had to come to a close, though, once the doll tried to bring some of the crowd inside the gates for a house tour. headlock ushered her inside while sodapop told press a bunch of juicy details about his sister's downward spiral. like, for instance, soda said that drug dealers make stops by the house every single day and some even know the gate codes. he added that if she's not with joey at the hospital, kathleen mainly stays in her bedroom, has been refusing food, and has been off the wagon since joey tried to off himself.
in other doll news, her book ☺  is due out soon and critics are already warming a spot for it at the top of all the best-seller lists, as well as predicting several literary awards in her future.

after the laughter, comes the tears

joey kiss knocks on heaven's door, gets told to 'kick rocks'

kathleen was hard at work on her new column this morning at the pretty people club offices when she received an alarming phone call from headlock, urging her to come home. by the time she made it through arcadia's hellish morning traffic, police and ambulances were in the driveway, reporters were just beginning to arrive. before long, the entire block was a media circus, complete with journalists hounding neighbors and sneaking through backyards, all in an attempt to catch a glimpse of the greek tragedy that is the beautiful one's life.

soon after news broke that 1999 lisbon was ground zero for some real doll drama, fans of both joey and kathleen began to gather outside of the gates as well.the doll made it through the main gates when her brother, sodapop cola, jaunted up to her. he broke the news that joey kiss attempted to take his life this morning and was in critical condition at the couple's lisbon drive home.

joey had been missing for several days and was thought to be in cielo; but returned yesterday to arcadia and had been holed up, on the edge of the property, in a small guest cottage. his body was discovered by sodapop; details are still sketchy as to exactly what happened or what the hell is even going on.

one thing is for sure, though - those close to kathleen say, despite joey's recent trials and tribulations, "they were very close and they were very much in love."

police and medical technicians were on the scene early this afternoon and joey is currently in the intensive care unit. for now, kathleen has traded in the kiss cradle for the riot house. from there i'm sure she will probably fill her suite with alligator tears, smoke foilies and wonder why it couldn't have been beau badman instead.

2 many pills!

joey kiss overdoses

and no, this is not an april fools' joke. it's no secret that kat happens to be attracted to loser males with an addiction to more than just kissing her sweet lips; and joey kiss is no exception to the rule. he demonstrated this flawlessly last night after being rushed to hospital, unconscious from an apparent overdose of narcotics. the doll was by his side the entire time and even spent the night in the hospital with him. she refused to speak to not only reporters, but the police as well and urged the arcadian people to leave them the hell alone. her request was not honored.
kathleen's camp dropped the curtain on the story by releasing this official statement: "..........he just took too many pills." LOL. too many pills? what an understatement! those publicists deserve the #1 spot in the super duper storystrechers of earth's all time history library-museum and hall of fame.

trouble at camp doll!

R.I.P. lux zarathustra kiss

kathleen loses baby lux zarathustra or julia jane. 

last night, as nine-month pregnant kathleen and joey kiss were travelling from arcadia to cielo by way of the gravedigger, the automobile was hit by a drunk driver and totaled. sadly, the kisses were travelling on a rural road and were not given medical attention for several hours. by the time kathleen was seen by a doctor, she had miscarried.

and if things weren't bad enough in the doll's life, as the kisses were making their way out of the hospital, photographers swarmed around the beautiful one like pigs at feeding time. instictivally, joey manuvered through the pit, shoving any flashers in his way, using any means necessary to get his fiancée the f-u-c-k out of there. press asked kathleen and joey for a comment today, but the couple has sworn off all contact with the press after their last interview with kathleen's own the pretty people club. her last comment made in the press was, "i don't count anything that the fence writes as worth a shit. it isn't real to me - or to joey for that matter."

so, the flashers are speculating the miscarriage is due to heroin and alcohol abuse - they say that baby babble loves to log important boozing hours at the riot house when nobody's looking. rumors are flying around everywhere that, not only did the doll's management staging an intervention on the couple before the announce of the pregnancy, but they were about to stage a second intervention on joey once the baby came. everyone is saying they saw it coming - but i sure as hell didn't! this news is sad, so sad and my black heart goes out to the beautiful one. R.I.P. lux zarathusta....or julia jane.

the kisses' baby will surely be born a dope junkie

consider kathleen and joey's feathers ruffled; couple sues press over erroneous gossip

um, ok - if i were a journo in arcadia, i would start looking for a new job. albeit 'right hook' kathleen is the opposite of happy with the rumor that her unborn child is going to be born addicted to heroin - joey is a flip-floppity jillion on the scale of 1 to angry.

he is smarting over one story in particular, featured in arcadia's daily newspaper; with the headline of 'THE BEAUTIFUL ONE' IS THE DOPEY ONE - CONTINUES TO TAKE HEROIN AND COCAINE WHILE PREGNANT everyone in this star system figured that the shit was nanoseconds away from hitting the fan. now, all the photographers in a five-mile radius of joey know that if they do so much as look at him the wrong way, they'll be met with a fist to their flashbulbs. as for the writers, he's prepared to snap every one of their pencils over his knee; so, it's only natural that upon sight of the kisses, reporters hide faster than a hooker in running shoes upon the sound of a police siren wail.

there is even gossip going around the streets that joey is ringing up and intimidating a select number of popular journos; it's been reported that the doll's paramour has been leaving recorded threats on various writer and photographers' answer-phone machines. joey warned that if they didn't leave their jobs as head bullshit pushers in the swill industry, he would personally see to it that they never work again.

and, you guessed it - no sources were named in the article; but 'those close' to the couple say that baby babble is really, truly, seriously back to riding bareback on the white pony. it came as no surprise that the dailies' sensationalist piece was crammed with lurid lies and libel that lacked originality; still, i'm happy to reveal that at least one person had baby babble's back! after the interviewer suggested that wild honeypie has never, in fact, set her crackpipe down - one individual said that kathleen did, in fact, kick the white girl off of her back...........but that she just recently relapsed is all. duh!

in other doll news, judah fussganger - the kisses' legal representation - marched his shit downtown this morning to file all sorts of charges against the cruel media machine of arcadia. he told - LOL - the fence, "the famed kisses have nested in a venomous town, where it's rare to find someone within the city limits who has a nice thing to say about arcadia's 'it' couple. it's clear as a bell that their baby's health comes before their own now; ergo, this jest from the industry will not go without revenge." um, yeah - the justice system within the city of arcadia is so screwy that it's up to joey to beat the living snot out of every photographer he can get his mitts on until there's none left!