scary beau badman scares baby babble

the dead come always come back for one last dance on halloween

everybody knows that beau is crazier is than your average bear - last night, outside of the pretty people club headquarters, he was arrested for making malicious threats and for assaulting joey. gulp.

the official story goes like this : kathleen drove to the pretty people HQ for some late, impromptu writing and had been working for about an hour, when she noticed a suspicious person on the security cameras.

she went to go check it out and by the time she got to the front door, she realized it was none other than low life beau badman! she told him to scram, lying that joey was inside, but beau was not fazed.

this wasn't the doll's first time at the crazy parade, though, so she immediately called joey that the creep of all creeps was outside and that he needed to handle the situation.

joey rolled up on his skateboard 10 minutes later and after beau tried to give him the ol' 1-2, joey picked up his skateboard and hit him over the head.

in beau's defense, he later said he was there to congratulate the doll on her baby news. oh yeah, i'll bet - sneaking around in the middle of the night? and you know how arcadian police are - they didn't even need a statement from the doll, they arrested beau lickety split.

doll is a witch, reads tarot cards

kathleen told papers today that ever since the loss of baby lux zarazthustra, she has been trying anything and everything to get pregnant again - including spells, tarot cards, magical herbs and spices, chants and candle ceremonies. basically she is a witch now trying to have a witch baby. all she is missing is a magic wand, pointy hat and broomstick.

she told reporters that she visits a palm reader, has employed a shaman and once a week has a meeting with a dream interpreter. sounds mystical. whatever works for her, i guess. i would say her best bet is to cast a love spell on joey and wait in the bedroom with candles lit and rose petals on the bed.

i wonder if she pulled out her ouija board to try and reach trotsky from beyond the grave? or at least ask if the great spirits of the netherworld can please find it in their black souls to take their #1 boy back, jimmy, back to the pit from which he came? you know what they say, doll, as above - so below!

doll watches twilight zone episode, gets scared, dials 911

sleeps with murder weap by bed

joey kiss better hurry up and finish his (excuse for a heroin bender)  scouting for shady lake, because the doll won't last much longer! she is still alone in arcadia at the kiss cradle and she is beginning to crack. she phoned police at 3 AM after hearing scary noises while watching an equally as scary episode of the twilight zone. you can blame it on the witching hour or she was probably high off her face on cocaine, but the story still remains the same.

kathleen told police that she can't stand being away from joey and gets scared easily - she sleeps with the light on and with a shotgun next to the bed. gulp, a shotgun? that sounds like an accident waiting to happen. i hope joey is aware of this.

in his defense, he tried to say that the doll has a super duper magical unicorn security gate that will protect her from all the weirdos of the world…..

just kidding! it’s 2013 and no one is safe from anything anymore. it's no wonder she's got some firepower at arm's reach - lest we forget she was brutally attacked in arcadia! a security gate doesn't mean shit anymore. if this was a test to prove that he can take care of the doll, he just flunked big time.

lights, camera, action!

the doll to write screenplay for shady lake

kathleen is such a diva, she can do business anywhere she pleases - from her office at home, to a yacht, to the shores of a private beach, to a disco on another, fancier yacht. today, she signed a deal from argosy's family mansion on the isle of grimaldi for a motion picture, to be called shady lake .

not much is known about the plot yet, but apparently shady lake is based off of a scary story kathleen wrote when she was in 4th grade. obviously it will be revamped for today's audiences. argosy is in talks to star and the doll is currently looking for a male lead and a director. the film will follow a young girl, named coco rodriguez, and her boyfriend as they go camping on shady lake. unbeknownst to them, a psycho killer is on the loose, on foot, and on the way to shady lake!! i bet it will be similar to any great 90s slasher horror movie.

can't wait, sounds like it'll be a scream.

i hope your tats don't run!

love tats for kat and joey

both kisses cemented their love for each other today with a sentimental tattoo of a simple heart with an arrow going through it. kathleen chose hers to be in purple and joey opted for turquoise. in other doll news, the two want to spend the summer on the isle of grimaldi, and are trying to get back ASAP. that is, after joey gets arrested again! just kidding, he's staying there for the vitamin D. hopefully it'll cure him from trying to off himself. kathleen is attached to his hip like always, smoking foilies out of seashells and communicating in a language only mermaids understand.

kathleen : "i've done worse things to better men"

doll fan learns about wild honeypie's wild right hook in mulholland

baby babble's tour to support ☺ was brought to an abrupt halt tonight during a reading at the hangover house in downtown mulholland. the story is still being pieced together; apparently the doll was in mid-sentence when she locked in on a member of the audience, clad in a tee-shirt that read 'kiss should be dead.'
she addressed the man and asked him to come forward - which he stupidly did - and then she told him to fork over the offensive shirt on the double. the man shook his head no, so the doll wasted no time in launching into the sea of unfamiliar faces and, with the help of her more than willing fan army, ripped the shirt from his body. and then she proceeded to beat him senseless. the doll broke his nose, two fingers and a rip before security guards could pull her away.
in response to the baby frenzy that has followed this story, kathleen responded, "he was asking for it....besides i've done worse things to better men."
the doll's camp responded, "no comment."
sodapop responded, "by crossing my heart and hoping to die, i don't know what the hell you're talking about."
hep parade announced today that they are cancelling the remaining six dates and bringing the ☺ tour to a close, to allow kathleen to focus on joey. more like they don't want her to focus her fists on anymore innocent civilians! LOL, good luck.

2 many pills!

joey kiss overdoses

and no, this is not an april fools' joke. it's no secret that kat happens to be attracted to loser males with an addiction to more than just kissing her sweet lips; and joey kiss is no exception to the rule. he demonstrated this flawlessly last night after being rushed to hospital, unconscious from an apparent overdose of narcotics. the doll was by his side the entire time and even spent the night in the hospital with him. she refused to speak to not only reporters, but the police as well and urged the arcadian people to leave them the hell alone. her request was not honored.
kathleen's camp dropped the curtain on the story by releasing this official statement: "..........he just took too many pills." LOL. too many pills? what an understatement! those publicists deserve the #1 spot in the super duper storystrechers of earth's all time history library-museum and hall of fame.

lost boys return to arcadia

the lost boys' tour to support L3 M30W wrapped last night at the riot house in arcadia; pregnant kathleen, who was proudly sporting her tummy and grinning from ear to ear, introduced the band and even sang a couple of songs with them.

before the show, the doll held an impromptu champagne toast at the arcadian il coyote country club - also known as 'the dago dive.' the country club and baby babble have a sketchy past, only know they really aren't feeling her. see, the kisses made reservations for seven for the early evening and then showed up at half-ten, a busy hour for the club during the weekends. the hostess still made a point to seat them quickly. now, i'm a little fuzzy on the events myself, but at some point, the shit went down and before staff could tell the group to kick rocks, the kisses were at each others' throats! i'm not kidding - it took three bouncers to peel the two off of one another. obviously, police were the first to be dialed and before the station could pick up - the doll's pregnant ass was long gone down the street!

the official police report states that there is over three thousand dollars worth of damage on locale and claims to be 'heavily' pursuing the beautiful one. yeah, right! pigs will pursue the doll on the 9th of never!

wut's in a name?

i've been missing the doll lately, so i was happily surprised to find her fiancé joey kiss' name in the papers today. not only did joey spill that the baby will be a girl; but pretty on the inside magazine - in an effort to show the public what a healthy, happy couple the kisses really are - asked the two to come up with a list of their three favorite baby names :

KATHLEEN

1.) jesus
2.) lux zarathustra
3.) coco rodriguez

JOEY 

1.) julia jane
2.) sharon abbie
3.) nancy stella

okay, i think it's time for the doll to get her monthly head-check. WTF is with her choice of names? she's got to be pulling our legs with that coco shit! then again, it's not like joey's list is any better - all of his names sound like they could easily pass for the handle of any 1940's WWII pin-up girl.

in response to the news that their baby is female, joey said, "i'm on cloud 9 that we'll have a girl, may she eventually rule the world."

kathleen also commented with, "people are showering me with love - it's all very surreal. no, bizarre - that's a better word. actually, uncanny. it's all very uncanny to joey and i." i'm sure that's probably true; being pregnant is like being in outer space to the doll - she can't rail lines of china white every fifteen minutes or guzzle booze 'round the clock anymore.

joey kiss' LP slams into record shops like pure china white

L3 M30W puts the lost boys on the map

i'm beginning to think more and more everyday that jimmy was adopted by the kiss family and is, in fact, the son of satan - but joey made me sure of it this week when his work with the lost boys, L3 M30W hit #1 on the arcadian music charts and hasn't left the top spot since! he may be as high off of heroin as his older brother, it doesn't matter - the album has been predicted to go double platinum just in the first week.

then again, the release wasn't exactly a piece of the doll's leftover birthday cake - feathers have been ruffled due to one track, entitled, "hannah humps like a bunny." the lost boys are swearing on a stack of bibles that their hearts were in the right place and joey stated, "let me say this once so we don't have to keep doing this dance - we love women."

en masse, the lost boys and joey kiss' L3 M30W is making boatloads of cash and has most of the moguls in the industry planning a trainhopping adventure for the summertime and have them out buying matching bandannas. even top suit, sammy 'third degree' burns, noted that, "green, hep underground artists are quickly becoming a practical commodity," because they make the most money and stated that the boys' LP proves just thus.

in other doll news, kathleen was at the album launch to support her fiancé - though honestly she looked as if she would rather be cleaning out the high school football team's locker room. most of the fans on the scene were groupies, so you know the beautiful one was super duper thrilled to be there. at one point, it seemed like the million dollar brat was seconds away from inciting puppy wingnut to sic a pack of sluts. "it was so gross," the doll hissed to flashers outside, making a golden defense for herself, "most of the girls were only there to get rocko j. nasty's autograph across their tits; so, yes, for the love of pete, i'm ready to go home." LOL, i'll bet she was.

the kisses go to the prom

the king of queen of all that is wild and witchy do ball for grimaldi's debutantes

for an eye-roll worthy event styled after a high school prom - i know, the doll was probably so psyched - that kathleen and joey ended up traveling all the way to the isle of grimaldi to attend, it was worth it in the end - arcadia's #1 couple were chosen as prom king and queen!

the shindig was pretty much a debutante's ball for the young and underground artists of grimaldi to get their names in the industry; though the who's who of the entire galaxy was involved. speeches were made, toasts were given, awards were doled out and sammy "third degree" burns - owner of hep parade  magazine and former employer of wild honeypie -was honored as a patron of the arts; but all eyes were on the kisses as they entered the scene forty-five minutes late, only to interrupt biggles von biba - bassist for band, the flowers of evil - mid-sentence.

in her defense, i will say that not doing cocaine anymore has definitely given her more time to focus on her true calling : getting under people's skin. taking her sweet time to find her seat, kathleen managed to displease a handful of audience members in record time - at one point, someone even yelled at her to 'go home!' that comment must have gone over her head, though, because i was left speechless when she didn't summon her loyal demons from the blazes of limbo to cut the guilty party's tongue out.

the doll spent her first leg of the night making small talk with other guests at and around her table - which included fellow arcadians rocko j. nasty and rudy rubideaux - before she progressed closer and closer towards the stage. what happened next surely could not be avoided, as baby babble beset the stage and snatched the microphone away. she used her outside voice to say, "i deserve every award there is - i am the doll! i say this because i am the one who makes the money, who puts words on paper; i am a god, i have a great lawyer and more beautiful than any of you!" and then dedicated the moment to trotsky; after waving to the cameras, she joked, "hi, trots - i hope they have TVs in hell!"

the kisses wrapped their tour of the ball by accepting the coveted title of best new artist - known exclusively as the prom king or queen award in the business - and the doll won by a landslide. kathleen and joey graced that stage and baby babble, living up to her nickname, commanded the podium for a lot longer than she should have. i was half expecting the producers to cut the feed for the microphone and dub music over the doll's prattle; but, right when she was about to lose me, she folded up her collapsible soapbox and brought the crowd down - she earned a standing ovation with, "i want to dedicate being queen of the prom to the best gal pal i've ever had - trotsky. he's probably kicking himself in heaven that he's not here to wear my crown and sash for me." that was really sweet of her - i'm sure to counteract such a phenomenon, grimaldi's prom queen did something really mean after walking offstage.

joey kiss : "no money, no funny"

kathleen's rent boy is working around the clock in arcadia; and, no, for once it's not to support the doll's nasty nose candy habit!

joey hit the studio in arcadia with the lost boys - the band was signed soon after being attacked at the freak festival last year - to work on their latest album, L3 M3OW. the young kiss was asked to join the project after hep parade- the company of which kathleen is contracted out by - signed joey under their name.

the lost boys want their record to be a concept album and have asked joey to produce the likely sensation. the boys are already showing boatloads of promise - as a trial, 500 copies of the first single, "a cowboy needs a horse," were released at arcadia's premier record shop and within ten minutes, all 500 copies had been sold. still, it may all be too good to be true - sodapop leaked to the press that pregnant kathleen is worried joey is partying more than working.

spending most of his time in the studio, joey hasn't seen his 1999 lisbon drive home since last year! kiss claims that his lack of presence is an effort to wrap the album as quickly as possible - so he can spend a heap of time with his knocked up fiancée. he told flashers, "no money - no funny," and that he's surely soon to be as famous as his old lady. well, i'm not buying it and neither is the doll!

soda is certain that kathleen is certain joey is out boozing it up and that her feelings are really hurt - the expectant father has also skipped out on important doctor's appointments, which left the doll dangerously close to the edge of grabbing her shotgun and a shovel to begin the kiss genocide at once. the beautiful one's loudmouthed brother also made it seem like the doll has no life now; and said that, every night, baby babble stays up super duper late and waits for joey to come home - only he never does! sodapop pretty much confirmed that kathleen switches between staring longingly out the window for a glimpse of joey and staring longingly at the telephone for a call from joey.

the stories were all put to rest today when journalists cornered the million dollar brat and inquired as to if joey really was writing her off or if it's just idle gossip. she didn't any questions, naturally; only responding with, "the joke is on all you assholes - now go kill yourselves."