happy thanksgiving!

years before, the doll would have been thankful for cocaine, punk rock music, ballet slippers and fake eyelashes; but now she is mostly thankful for joey, her baby, headlock and her nightly fantasies of hans von holzhausen.
ok, maybe i don't know if the last one is true, but i feel like it is. she even invited him to the same thanksgiving mama doll and mama kiss were at! you know that joey had his arms crossed, glaring at him the entire time and probably refused to take a bite of the dish hans brought. so predictable!
and even though everyone was expecting the doll to push her plate away after three bites, she didn't - she actually ate! only, she craves the strangest foods now.
instead of traditional turkey and sides, the beautiful one opted for cold matzo ball soup and gefilte fish on toast, marshmallow fluff sandwiches, cottage cheese and leftover chinese food. and yes, the correct reaction is to be disgusted. but hey, at least she's eating!

kathleen falls fast asleep during important conference call

back in the day, the doll would have waltzed into an important meeting with white powder falling out of her nose, no bra on and she would have thought it was tuesday when it was really friday. but these days she has really been on point, which is why have no theory as to why she passed out today during a phone call with all the movers and shakers of shady lake.

tired from being pregnant?

it's a shame she didn't know hans von holzhausen was on the other end! i'm sure she would have found it within herself to stay awake.

the call wasn't really super important, though, it was to talk about filming locations, schedules and the million dollar brat's notorious rider. no wonder! sounds like a snoozefest. zzzzzzzzz

scary beau badman scares baby babble

the dead come always come back for one last dance on halloween

everybody knows that beau is crazier is than your average bear - last night, outside of the pretty people club headquarters, he was arrested for making malicious threats and for assaulting joey. gulp.

the official story goes like this : kathleen drove to the pretty people HQ for some late, impromptu writing and had been working for about an hour, when she noticed a suspicious person on the security cameras.

she went to go check it out and by the time she got to the front door, she realized it was none other than low life beau badman! she told him to scram, lying that joey was inside, but beau was not fazed.

this wasn't the doll's first time at the crazy parade, though, so she immediately called joey that the creep of all creeps was outside and that he needed to handle the situation.

joey rolled up on his skateboard 10 minutes later and after beau tried to give him the ol' 1-2, joey picked up his skateboard and hit him over the head.

in beau's defense, he later said he was there to congratulate the doll on her baby news. oh yeah, i'll bet - sneaking around in the middle of the night? and you know how arcadian police are - they didn't even need a statement from the doll, they arrested beau lickety split.

jimmy kiss - "gossipy bitch"

this is news that we all saw coming, but in the doll's defense - whatever it is, she didn't do it!

sometimes i forget that joey is related to wet mop jimmy, and i'm sure the doll tries to forget every day of her life. we all made mistakes back in high school, but jimmy kiss had to have been the worst.

always greasy, always a punk and generally in a trilby hat - jimmy kiss was the first person to charm baby babble's heart. who knows if it was the coke, the booze or the stars in her eyes, but for years, she and jimmy were in love.

for years he photographed their life together and kathleen wrote about it. naturally, he would have plenty of candid shots and today, he told papers he is thisclose to bringing some of them into the police. jimmy told reporters that he has footage of the doll exchanging money stolen from hep parade to pay for drugs. he needs to check his facts because the beautiful one doesn't pay for drugs - she gets them for free.

where is this coming from, jimmy? one day you are talking about locking lips with her when you were in junior high and the next you are digging a ditch for her good name!

doll watches twilight zone episode, gets scared, dials 911

sleeps with murder weap by bed

joey kiss better hurry up and finish his (excuse for a heroin bender)  scouting for shady lake, because the doll won't last much longer! she is still alone in arcadia at the kiss cradle and she is beginning to crack. she phoned police at 3 AM after hearing scary noises while watching an equally as scary episode of the twilight zone. you can blame it on the witching hour or she was probably high off her face on cocaine, but the story still remains the same.

kathleen told police that she can't stand being away from joey and gets scared easily - she sleeps with the light on and with a shotgun next to the bed. gulp, a shotgun? that sounds like an accident waiting to happen. i hope joey is aware of this.

in his defense, he tried to say that the doll has a super duper magical unicorn security gate that will protect her from all the weirdos of the world…..

just kidding! it’s 2013 and no one is safe from anything anymore. it's no wonder she's got some firepower at arm's reach - lest we forget she was brutally attacked in arcadia! a security gate doesn't mean shit anymore. if this was a test to prove that he can take care of the doll, he just flunked big time.

today's headlines : "the doll makes £600,000 mistake"

i have a feeling the doll is wanting to crawl into a little doll ball and disappear from the world for awhile. first she has jimmy kiss running around, reminding everyone that the two used to make out when they were 14 year olds; and now she has sammy "third degree" burns wondering where his £600,000 ran off to! i am positive sammy is reading the headlines of the local grimaldi newspaper with a disapproving look. it went down yesterday, when what was supposed to be a routine trip to the bank went awry. by complete accident, the doll misplaced £600,000 of sammy's money and didn't even give him so much as an I.O.U!

kathleen's story goes that she got the envelope of money, meant for sammy's personal bank account, and on the way to the bank, she accidentally dropped some of the money in the envelope while at the gas station. more like dropped it in a drug dealer's hands! i know what you're thinking, doesn't she know how to count? but don't blame the doll - she left public school at a tender age to pursue a higher life of shooting dope and hopping trains with greasy punks. oh, and frenching an entire family whose name rhymes with 'piss.' luckily this is something we can all *sigh* and LOL about now, because sammy has chosen to bail out his chosen one yet again. he decided to spare the doll, and her multimillion dollar contract because, "what's nothing to someone who gives it away for free? she's not for sale so money is of no object..." ok, i want a handful of what they're on.

i hope your tats don't run!

love tats for kat and joey

both kisses cemented their love for each other today with a sentimental tattoo of a simple heart with an arrow going through it. kathleen chose hers to be in purple and joey opted for turquoise. in other doll news, the two want to spend the summer on the isle of grimaldi, and are trying to get back ASAP. that is, after joey gets arrested again! just kidding, he's staying there for the vitamin D. hopefully it'll cure him from trying to off himself. kathleen is attached to his hip like always, smoking foilies out of seashells and communicating in a language only mermaids understand.

after the laughter, comes the tears

joey kiss knocks on heaven's door, gets told to 'kick rocks'

kathleen was hard at work on her new column this morning at the pretty people club offices when she received an alarming phone call from headlock, urging her to come home. by the time she made it through arcadia's hellish morning traffic, police and ambulances were in the driveway, reporters were just beginning to arrive. before long, the entire block was a media circus, complete with journalists hounding neighbors and sneaking through backyards, all in an attempt to catch a glimpse of the greek tragedy that is the beautiful one's life.

soon after news broke that 1999 lisbon was ground zero for some real doll drama, fans of both joey and kathleen began to gather outside of the gates as well.the doll made it through the main gates when her brother, sodapop cola, jaunted up to her. he broke the news that joey kiss attempted to take his life this morning and was in critical condition at the couple's lisbon drive home.

joey had been missing for several days and was thought to be in cielo; but returned yesterday to arcadia and had been holed up, on the edge of the property, in a small guest cottage. his body was discovered by sodapop; details are still sketchy as to exactly what happened or what the hell is even going on.

one thing is for sure, though - those close to kathleen say, despite joey's recent trials and tribulations, "they were very close and they were very much in love."

police and medical technicians were on the scene early this afternoon and joey is currently in the intensive care unit. for now, kathleen has traded in the kiss cradle for the riot house. from there i'm sure she will probably fill her suite with alligator tears, smoke foilies and wonder why it couldn't have been beau badman instead.

riot house #2 opens in arcadia

while the doll has been laid up getting pregnanter and pregnanter - and also while joey has been laid up off the heroin needle - a crew of big, grizzly bear construction men have been hard at work finishing the second riot house. located in the trendy downtown area, on the corner of nova boulevard and 1st street, hotel and nightclub opened its doors for the first time last night to all the lovers of arcadia. lines of people wrapped around the block for hours and by midnight, the hotel had no vacancies. kathleen, who has been resting low profile from the fence in arcadia for the past few weeks, was not set to attend the event; yet, when she heard about the crowds, she hopped in the gravedigger and hit the gas.

still, sideways reporters were clearly the last thing on the kisses' minds as they graced the disco dancefloor - though the doll is nine months pregnant. the club was completed with the 'man-in-the-moon' piece which features a gigantic full moon with a man's face...as well as a gigantic spoonful of blow being shoveled into the nose. if anyone's wondering what a sweeping art installation promoting cocaine usage is doing in the middle of a club, that has the doll written all over it.

but the best part of this story came when, outside of the club, one of kathleen's mates passed out cold of a heroin overdose. the incident took place early this morning and left everybody stunned.....everybody except kathleen, that is! the doll waddled up and wasted no time in snapping, "don't worry - it's just an overdose, i know what to do," at the photographers who were too busy snapping pictures to listen. naturally today's headlines read, "KATHLEEN : DON'T WORRY - IT'S JUST AN O.D." she's totally going to be a great mom.

the kisses' baby will surely be born a dope junkie

consider kathleen and joey's feathers ruffled; couple sues press over erroneous gossip

um, ok - if i were a journo in arcadia, i would start looking for a new job. albeit 'right hook' kathleen is the opposite of happy with the rumor that her unborn child is going to be born addicted to heroin - joey is a flip-floppity jillion on the scale of 1 to angry.

he is smarting over one story in particular, featured in arcadia's daily newspaper; with the headline of 'THE BEAUTIFUL ONE' IS THE DOPEY ONE - CONTINUES TO TAKE HEROIN AND COCAINE WHILE PREGNANT everyone in this star system figured that the shit was nanoseconds away from hitting the fan. now, all the photographers in a five-mile radius of joey know that if they do so much as look at him the wrong way, they'll be met with a fist to their flashbulbs. as for the writers, he's prepared to snap every one of their pencils over his knee; so, it's only natural that upon sight of the kisses, reporters hide faster than a hooker in running shoes upon the sound of a police siren wail.

there is even gossip going around the streets that joey is ringing up and intimidating a select number of popular journos; it's been reported that the doll's paramour has been leaving recorded threats on various writer and photographers' answer-phone machines. joey warned that if they didn't leave their jobs as head bullshit pushers in the swill industry, he would personally see to it that they never work again.

and, you guessed it - no sources were named in the article; but 'those close' to the couple say that baby babble is really, truly, seriously back to riding bareback on the white pony. it came as no surprise that the dailies' sensationalist piece was crammed with lurid lies and libel that lacked originality; still, i'm happy to reveal that at least one person had baby babble's back! after the interviewer suggested that wild honeypie has never, in fact, set her crackpipe down - one individual said that kathleen did, in fact, kick the white girl off of her back...........but that she just recently relapsed is all. duh!

in other doll news, judah fussganger - the kisses' legal representation - marched his shit downtown this morning to file all sorts of charges against the cruel media machine of arcadia. he told - LOL - the fence, "the famed kisses have nested in a venomous town, where it's rare to find someone within the city limits who has a nice thing to say about arcadia's 'it' couple. it's clear as a bell that their baby's health comes before their own now; ergo, this jest from the industry will not go without revenge." um, yeah - the justice system within the city of arcadia is so screwy that it's up to joey to beat the living snot out of every photographer he can get his mitts on until there's none left!