merry xmas!

doll friends and family woke up this morning, sat down by the christmas tree and opened presents....just like everybody else. well, everybody but the kiss side of the family, because they already celebrated hanukkah and yawn when the 25th of december comes around.

this year, kathleen went cheap and made joey a scrapbook of ultrasound scans (barf), sodapop a vacation, headlock a new radio to listen to baseball on, shuggie a new set of knives, ludo a raise and promised close-up in shady lake, and the two lost boys rocko j. nasty and loyal were promised a follow-up to L3 M30W. the doll even treated herself to the boxset of sci-fi favorite, twilight zone. 

wow, sounds like the only person who was missing a gift - as usual - was jimmy kiss!

jimmy kiss - "gossipy bitch"

this is news that we all saw coming, but in the doll's defense - whatever it is, she didn't do it!

sometimes i forget that joey is related to wet mop jimmy, and i'm sure the doll tries to forget every day of her life. we all made mistakes back in high school, but jimmy kiss had to have been the worst.

always greasy, always a punk and generally in a trilby hat - jimmy kiss was the first person to charm baby babble's heart. who knows if it was the coke, the booze or the stars in her eyes, but for years, she and jimmy were in love.

for years he photographed their life together and kathleen wrote about it. naturally, he would have plenty of candid shots and today, he told papers he is thisclose to bringing some of them into the police. jimmy told reporters that he has footage of the doll exchanging money stolen from hep parade to pay for drugs. he needs to check his facts because the beautiful one doesn't pay for drugs - she gets them for free.

where is this coming from, jimmy? one day you are talking about locking lips with her when you were in junior high and the next you are digging a ditch for her good name!

has the doll lost her razor sharp edge?

goes from XXX to ZZZ... 

word around the campfire is kathleen has been complaining to friends that, ever since joey tried to off himself, the two haven't been intimate. this cannot be true! the doll is a sexual minx whose magical beauty could bring even a blind man to seeing! what is wrong with this joey guy? this is totally joey's fault because he has the charisma of nosferatu. just kidding, even nosferatu has game.

she claimed that it's been "months" and that she's worried joey is cheating, because he barely even kisses her anymore! lame. sad. this sucks for him because i know at least four guys (jimmy, beau, maynard and loyal) who would be more than happy to assist the doll in her frustrations. don't worry beautiful brat! you still got that fire! if joey can't see it, at least you still have one more kiss brother left!

and of course this all comes after jimmy went around running his mouth about how he and the doll pretty much got A+ in sexual chemistry class back in the day. gross. no wonder joey is slacking when it comes to laying the doll's pipe - he's probably super duper creeped out!

baby babble hires johnny kiss as executive producer

shady lake is surely going down in flames

the shady lake cast and crew is coming together quite swimmingly - we already have argosy burns starring as coco rodriguez; the lost boys are putting the score together and now johnny kiss has been named as executive producer. if you aren't familiar with johnny, he is joey and jimmy's older brother and probably near the top 5 of the doll's to-do list. he is the most muscular of the kiss bunch, having wrestled his high school and college career. but don't think that just because he has some school under his belt doesn't mean he isn't just as greasy as his brothers! he too dons leather jackets, motorcycle boots and ripped denim jeans as well. bummer. thought he would be the one to break the kiss grease curse that affects all males of the family. all i know is - if argosy, who is currently single and johnny, who is also currently single, hook up on the set of shady lake, the doll will be quickly contacting satan for a contract hit. if joey turns out to be a bust, surely the beautiful one will put a love spell on johnny.

today's headlines : "the doll makes £600,000 mistake"

i have a feeling the doll is wanting to crawl into a little doll ball and disappear from the world for awhile. first she has jimmy kiss running around, reminding everyone that the two used to make out when they were 14 year olds; and now she has sammy "third degree" burns wondering where his £600,000 ran off to! i am positive sammy is reading the headlines of the local grimaldi newspaper with a disapproving look. it went down yesterday, when what was supposed to be a routine trip to the bank went awry. by complete accident, the doll misplaced £600,000 of sammy's money and didn't even give him so much as an I.O.U!

kathleen's story goes that she got the envelope of money, meant for sammy's personal bank account, and on the way to the bank, she accidentally dropped some of the money in the envelope while at the gas station. more like dropped it in a drug dealer's hands! i know what you're thinking, doesn't she know how to count? but don't blame the doll - she left public school at a tender age to pursue a higher life of shooting dope and hopping trains with greasy punks. oh, and frenching an entire family whose name rhymes with 'piss.' luckily this is something we can all *sigh* and LOL about now, because sammy has chosen to bail out his chosen one yet again. he decided to spare the doll, and her multimillion dollar contract because, "what's nothing to someone who gives it away for free? she's not for sale so money is of no object..." ok, i want a handful of what they're on.

the wet mop strikes again!

spills about being first kiss

jimmy kiss will never stop being jimmy kiss, which means we all need to expect him to open his big, fat mouth every now and again. today was no exception to this rule, as he regaled the flashers with all of his best, unused back catalog memories of him and the doll. let's take a trip down memory lane...even back in the day, when the doll still had bows and ribbons in her hair, stars in her eyes and a backpack on her shoulders, she was messing with kiss! jimmy pretty much swore on the torah in front of the flashers that the two go back to their teen years, to when baby babble was 13 and he was 15. ZOMG bb! 13??! so young. such innocence lost. back before jimmy was greasy and his wardrobe exclusively consisted of ripped denim jeans and leather jackets; before the beautiful one had her itsy bitsy babydoll dresses, her foilie-smoke stained ballet slippers and a nasty denim jacket to match...to a more simpler time, when jimmy kiss and kathleen grace were in high school in arcadia. jimmy told the flashers that during this time, the doll was very much a "little girl" and not the "bitch" she is now. um, okay...

he also went on to say that before him, she had never had a boyfriend or even kissed a guy! he soon put an end to that, and even had the dusty pictures to prove it! jimmy told it as the kiss took place somewhere near the end of the school year and that he, the doll and a group of friends were together at a house show, when kathleen decided it would be the perfect time to snap a photo. she pulled a camera out of her purse and this is when jimmy uttered the soon to be famous phrase, "this would be a better photo," and proceeded to then lock lips with the unsuspecting doll. jimmy claimed that from then on, the two were inseparable and that she would even sneak him through her window at night while mama doll was in the next room asleep! bold - i applaud her for being that girl, even in junior high.

jimmy painted a typical night like this : the two of them, rolling around underneath the covers, while soft, 90s alternative rock plays. candles and incense are lit and it smells like doobies. posters of riot grrrl bands hang on the walls and her homework in on her vanity, next to her makeup. sounds like some junior high shit. yawn.

shabbat dinner for mama doll

happy birthday mama doll! if it weren't for your daughter, you wouldn't look a day over 22 and i mean it! it's just such a shame that girl discovered blow all those years ago. or should i say blow discovered her....

anyways, shixsa kathleen and joey hosted a super special shabbat dinner party in honor of her very own mother. she even flew her out special on her private jet, the crippler, and gave ludo ludovic and sodapop the shit jobs of accompanying her. on the way, they picked up mama kiss and, for whatever reason, jimmy kiss as well. the two moms are quite friendly and are photographed regularly without their famous children. and no, i know what you're thinking - they weren't heading into a police station to bail them out! the two generally meet for dinner several times a month and have also been seen shopping together. OMG, i just had a thought : what if they're lezzy lesbians? imagine that!

as predicted, jimmy the wet mop was there and was being a sourpuss the entire night. sodapop told the flashers, over a cigarette before cutting the birthday cake, that jimmy wouldn't even sit at the dinner table - he sat in the living room the entire time, watching a baseball game! what a dick.

nothing else really cool to report, other than eldest kiss brother johnny was in attendance and when he strolled into the dinner, the doll probably pictured herself dumping joey for a hot minute and running off into the sunset with johnny. 2 brothers down, doll, 1 to go....

you can STFU anytime, sodapop!

loose lips sink ships

kathleen's pinch-hitter publicist, brother and all around loudmouth sodapop cola has really outdone himself this time. in between his ultra demanding and high-paced schedule of taking wingnut on walks around the neighborhood and snooping in the doll's diary for possible press material, soda has signed a deal for a tell-all book about his sister. i only have three things to say about this:

1.) soda loves to blab about everyone's personal life, so this really comes as no surprise.....what surprises me is that it's not a how-to manual on diming your famous siblings out for a living!

2.) you'd have to be a class A moron to write a tell-all about the one person who puts a roof over your head 

3.) you know that there's a totally a ghostwrite for his book......and his name is jimmy kiss

after sodapop finished dishing to reporters about his deal, he then switched gears to joey kiss' trouble with the law. he told the fence that if the kisses ever return from grimaldi, joey faces several court dates and a possible stint in the big house. then again, you know how the arcadian judicial system works when it comes to matters involving the doll - joey will be out in minutes for good behavior. in other doll news, it's good to have her back in the public eye, because i missed her scrawny ass. seriously. santa claus answered my prayers early this year with "green for the money; gold for the honey." it also gave us an introduction to baby babble's chef, shuggie bo bellski. shuggie pretty much sounds like a funky pimp from harlem in the 1970s, so he must be the perfect fit to the doll's team. besides, anyone who can get along with the bitch of all bitches - headlock - is immediately hired on, so shuggie didn't really have a choice as it is.

the albion beauty bar is open to sauce

the world's #1 cutest couple and their fleet were called to cielo last night, to celebrate the opening of the albion beauty bar located at the foot of the primrose canyon. now, the two probably had better things to do - like drugs - but were in attendance because kathleen co-owns the joint, alongside mate argosy burns.

now, speaking of co-owners, argosy's father sammy 'third degree' burns (who heads hep parade) recently invested in pretty people club. sammy once again co-owns part of the doll's soul! does this mean he will be overseeing the production of baby babble's next book, 💘. sammy might also be somewhat in control of the beautiful one's own pretty people club magazine, so you know what that means.....more fanmail.

and more fanmail means the walls of the beauty bar won't be bare - kathleen was put in charge of design and chose to use old tabloid articles, fanmail columns and personal photos as wallpaper. trotsky, ludo ludovic, the lost boys, jimmy and joey kiss, as well as countless others dot the walls; HEP! and DIG! play endlessly on the television screens throughout the bar.

in other doll news, the kisses are planning a trip to the isle of grimaldi soon. the beautiful one thought it would be a good idea for joey to get away from the spotlight for a while. plus grimaldi has some pretty good blow, if you know what i mean!