merry xmas!

doll friends and family woke up this morning, sat down by the christmas tree and opened presents....just like everybody else. well, everybody but the kiss side of the family, because they already celebrated hanukkah and yawn when the 25th of december comes around.

this year, kathleen went cheap and made joey a scrapbook of ultrasound scans (barf), sodapop a vacation, headlock a new radio to listen to baseball on, shuggie a new set of knives, ludo a raise and promised close-up in shady lake, and the two lost boys rocko j. nasty and loyal were promised a follow-up to L3 M30W. the doll even treated herself to the boxset of sci-fi favorite, twilight zone. 

wow, sounds like the only person who was missing a gift - as usual - was jimmy kiss!

kathleen allows joey to open one gift

mama doll, mama kiss, sodapop, kiss brothers jimmy and johnny, ludo ludovic, shuggie bo bellski, joey and kat, lost boys rocko j. nasty and loyal, and even maynard g. alberkraut were gathered underneath the doll's christmas tree in arcadia last night to eat, drink and be merry. as part of time honored doll family tradition, everyone was allowed to open one gift.

according to sodapop, joey chose the biggest box and inside was one of kathleen's famous IOUs for a new tattoo. so, at around midnight, after several hot toddies, kathleen, sodapop and jimmy dragged joey down to the only tattoo shop open in arcadia on a snowy christmas eve....only to promptly call in their private tattoo artist LOL.

joey kiss goes on stag weekend, forgets to tell doll

joey and others leave town to scout locations for shady lake

the doll is all alone in arcadia tonight - joey kiss is out of town in monticello, scouting possible filming locations for shady lake. and he couldn't do it alone! he brought johnny kiss, sodapop and ludo ludovic along for what looks like more of a boys weekend than a business trip. as for headlock and shuggie bo bellski - the two have also taken the weekend off to go to a baseball game in cielo. enter beau badman in 3, 2, 1.....

baby babble told the papers that she plans on spending the weekend soaking in the tub, writing, watching old horror movies, smoking doobies, blasting punk music, having séances, painting her nails, watching the twilight zone, reading her future via tarot cards, planning the wedding of the century, listening to the wolfman jack show, etc...but she will definitely NOT be calling joey kiss for anything!

she told reporters that he hasn't called for 2 days, but sodapop has! and you know the mouth on soda - before long, he had spilled everything.

apparently the crew isn't exclusively scouting for locations, the boys have also taken it upon themselves to party like it's 1999. poor doll. she's just jealous! at home, all alone while the boys are on a stag weekend. oh well, she'll live.

shabbat dinner for mama doll

happy birthday mama doll! if it weren't for your daughter, you wouldn't look a day over 22 and i mean it! it's just such a shame that girl discovered blow all those years ago. or should i say blow discovered her....

anyways, shixsa kathleen and joey hosted a super special shabbat dinner party in honor of her very own mother. she even flew her out special on her private jet, the crippler, and gave ludo ludovic and sodapop the shit jobs of accompanying her. on the way, they picked up mama kiss and, for whatever reason, jimmy kiss as well. the two moms are quite friendly and are photographed regularly without their famous children. and no, i know what you're thinking - they weren't heading into a police station to bail them out! the two generally meet for dinner several times a month and have also been seen shopping together. OMG, i just had a thought : what if they're lezzy lesbians? imagine that!

as predicted, jimmy the wet mop was there and was being a sourpuss the entire night. sodapop told the flashers, over a cigarette before cutting the birthday cake, that jimmy wouldn't even sit at the dinner table - he sat in the living room the entire time, watching a baseball game! what a dick.

nothing else really cool to report, other than eldest kiss brother johnny was in attendance and when he strolled into the dinner, the doll probably pictured herself dumping joey for a hot minute and running off into the sunset with johnny. 2 brothers down, doll, 1 to go....

the albion beauty bar is open to sauce

the world's #1 cutest couple and their fleet were called to cielo last night, to celebrate the opening of the albion beauty bar located at the foot of the primrose canyon. now, the two probably had better things to do - like drugs - but were in attendance because kathleen co-owns the joint, alongside mate argosy burns.

now, speaking of co-owners, argosy's father sammy 'third degree' burns (who heads hep parade) recently invested in pretty people club. sammy once again co-owns part of the doll's soul! does this mean he will be overseeing the production of baby babble's next book, 💘. sammy might also be somewhat in control of the beautiful one's own pretty people club magazine, so you know what that means.....more fanmail.

and more fanmail means the walls of the beauty bar won't be bare - kathleen was put in charge of design and chose to use old tabloid articles, fanmail columns and personal photos as wallpaper. trotsky, ludo ludovic, the lost boys, jimmy and joey kiss, as well as countless others dot the walls; HEP! and DIG! play endlessly on the television screens throughout the bar.

in other doll news, the kisses are planning a trip to the isle of grimaldi soon. the beautiful one thought it would be a good idea for joey to get away from the spotlight for a while. plus grimaldi has some pretty good blow, if you know what i mean!

the gravedigger's tires have been slashed!

kathleen may have a baby on the way, but her first child - beloved black rolls royce town car - the gravedigger is in critical condition! when the doll awoke today, she traipsed into the kitchen and languidly put a kettle on to boil; within a few minutes, the water was ready and her tea was brewing. the doll reached for her favorite coffee cup and went to the cupboard for some sugar - only to find a space on the shelf where the sugar used to live! now, normally kathleen would stomp her feet and howl for someone to get her more on the double; but now that she's pregnant and sober, she's a different doll. also, joey is back in the studio with the lost boys - working on their first album, L3 M30W- and headlock was with sodapop, painting the nursery. furthermore, it's been said before that groundskeeper ludo ludovic is useless before noon; so, the million dollar brat did a quick sweep of the grounds before heading to the gravedigger to buy another bag from the closest grocery store. as she approached the monstrous machine, however, kathleen realized that all four tires were flatter than blueberry pancakes.

oddly enough, the knifing went down sometime after three this morning and took place within the locked kiss cradle gates. even more oddly, although other cars were on the property - a total of seven - the gravedigger was the only vehicle to fall victim. sadly, the knife-brandishing prowlers are going to remain free to continue prowling - no security footage could be utilized, as baby babble's beloved automobile just so happened to be parked out of frame.

fuzz warned wild honeypie that she should take such an invasion as a great threat and that a prowler would only do something of such a degree to send a message. officers then questioned friends and neighbors as to if the doll has any enemies that would want to see her suffer. joey responded with, "oh yeah, because she likes to surround herself with sadists."

kathleen made a remark of similar cynical merit and answered, "i don't even have friends - only enemies" i'll buy that. still, can someone please phone in an anonymous tip to the arcadian police department for me? i'm almost 100% positive that jimmy kiss has a chip on his shoulder about the shotgun wedding of the century and unleashed his frustrations on a beastly black town car.

happy birthday, dear doll, happy birthday to you!

looking as beautiful as ever, kathleen was a glowing picture of class and ladylike presence at the l'amour bar and restaurant tonight as she celebrated her birthday with close confidants. after blowing out candles on the rainbow birthday cake that she specially requested, the doll opened presents with a select group of mates - including fiancé joey kiss, ludo ludovic, the lost boys and brother sodapop cola.

kathleen must be the hardest person to shop for in the history of birthdays - or people must just ordinarily get her drugs as gifts - because all of her presents this year straight sucked the big one. joey kiss set the bar by giving his paramour a leather jacket and pair of motorcycle boots - which she can't even use because she's knocked up and shouldn't be riding motorcycles anyways - as well as a trilby full of eskimo kisses. he also paid for a small surprise fireworks show to take place after the dinner, which went off without any hang-ups.

ludo ludovic sleeps in a tiny shack on the edge of the kiss cradle property and laps rainwater from the birdbath to quench his thirst, so you know that he has no money. being that he couldn't afford much, ludo ended up buying the million dollar brat a cheap bouquet of pink roses and a box of candies; but brought it back home when kathleen opened his third gift - which was trotsky's hand watch. i'll bet baby babble was a happy camper - it's almost as if trotsky got up out of the graveyard and gave it to her himself. the lost boys - as they are currently living in arcadia to complete their first record, L3 M30W, with the help of joey - presented kathleen with a homemade booklet of coupons, complete with certificates for things like, 'a free night of peace and quiet,' as well as, 'three free trips to the grocery store for baby goods,' and, 'one free night of babysitting - so you can go out and get lit.' how thoughtful of them.

the best part of the story transpired when sodapop's turn to fork over a gift came around - quickly placing hands in pockets, soda began nervously whistling and couldn't help his eyes from darting around the room; then, in a huff, he grabbed his effects and motored out of the l'amour like the joint was going up in flames or something. he later told flashers - and i'm not even kidding here - that he completely spaced it being his sister's birthday. like i've said before, uncle sodapop is going to blow it with kathleen and joey's kid - the kisses should just invalidate his uncle rights to babysitting if they have any brains to speak of at all.

speaking of no brains, reporters focused the attention off of her elegance and noted that, 'like a typical pregnant woman,' she not only hogged down everything on her plate, but poached off of joey's as well! um, who gives a shit? shouldn't we all be tickled pink that baby babble is even eating as it is?

in closing, i've never seen kathleen behave so well at a bar before........

doll goes bridal

get out your calendars - november 9 is the day kathleen grace becomes kathleen kiss

november 9, 2013 is a date that will unquestionably be embroidered onto arcadia's flag for the time being, so as no one has an excuse for forgetting the day kathleen and joey walk down the isle - aka the future universal day of love in this galaxy. it's also for the beautiful one, because being sober after all of those years of cocaine abuse are working more against her than with her.

now, as far as november 9 is concerned, kathleen is closely shadowing the pace of a snail. so far, she's only decided upon these things : sodapop will be the flower girl, caretaker, and replacement for trotsky, ludo ludovic will be the maid of honor and the lost boys will round out the doll court as her bridesmaids in black; headlock has already staked his claims on overseeing the ceremony. the kiss brothers will be making up joey's party - jimmy consented, most likely with teary eyes, to grace the scene as best man and johnny would like to bear the rings.

aside from these measly developments, not much else is known about the shotgun wedding of the century - there have been talks that it will be held in arcadia, but some are saying that kathleen is adamant about hosting the festivities at the riot house in cielo - those same bitches said that if the doll were to do so, it would 'be beyond crass.' whatever, i understand 100% - kathleen just doesn't want to be pregnant, barefoot and relocating to the poorhouse with her brand-new husband!

doll does beach

the young couple sees sun, fun and guns on their vacation in grimaldi - soon after news that the two were arriving on the isle yesterday, the local airport was swarmed with fans and police were soon called in as a security measure. the kisses were actually held by grimaldi on the plane until the scene could be calmed down - it took thirty minutes, two smoke bombs and several scary guards with looks on their faces that made it crystal clear they meant business. the guards, toting rifles, ushered the pregnant beautiful one and her fiancé off of the plane, into the airport and then out a side entrance to a waiting town car.

after gracing grimaldi's prom yesterday, the two have taken to holing up in a private island cabin, the two - plus one ludo ludovic and wingnut - plan to spend the weekend relaxing peacefully and going over arrangements for the shotgun wedding of the century. though, don't expect to see kathleen purchasing a permanent property on the isle anytime soon; wild honeypie thinks the party city is about as fun as one of the lost boy's motorcycle boots to the head. she bitched, "the only thing to do out here is get into trouble and i can do that at home." she also added, "the people of grimaldi are a nightmare too - if i wanted to be treated like shit, i would have stayed with beau goodman." LOL! she's not fooling, either.