hep parade magazine — 2013

shady lake will begin filming after the holidays. argosy burns, daughter of hep parade magazine boss, will be the lead and the newcomer, southern gentleman hans von holzhausen has been named director. johnny kiss was named producer ages ago, and it's probably just because the doll has a crush on him too!

and ever since he was named director, kathleen has been spending an awful lot of time on the movie set. no, i don't think it's because she wants a producer's credit - she has a crush on cutie pie holzhausen!

and no, this isn't just a hunch, sodapop cola told reporters that his sister goes gaga for hans and gets all giddy at the mere mention of long ass WWII name!

while on set, the beautiful one takes it upon herself to get his coffee every morning and conveniently leaves out everyone else. one day she even forgot baby daddy joey! LOL, go figure!

speaking of joey, he is reportedly super jealous and makes it a point to 'drop by' the set alllll the time. probably checking to see if the doll is staying faithful which i am almost 100% sure she isn't. come on joey! this isn't her first ride on the cheating merry-go-round! she at least knows to get a telly.

i have a feeling the doll is wanting to crawl into a little doll ball and disappear from the world for awhile. first she has jimmy kiss running around, reminding everyone that the two used to make out when they were 14 year olds; and now she has sammy "third degree" burns wondering where his £600,000 ran off to! i am positive sammy is reading the headlines of the local grimaldi newspaper with a disapproving look. it went down yesterday, when what was supposed to be a routine trip to the bank went awry. by complete accident, the doll misplaced £600,000 of sammy's money and didn't even give him so much as an I.O.U!

kathleen's story goes that she got the envelope of money, meant for sammy's personal bank account, and on the way to the bank, she accidentally dropped some of the money in the envelope while at the gas station. more like dropped it in a drug dealer's hands! i know what you're thinking, doesn't she know how to count? but don't blame the doll - she left public school at a tender age to pursue a higher life of shooting dope and hopping trains with greasy punks. oh, and frenching an entire family whose name rhymes with 'piss.' luckily this is something we can all *sigh* and LOL about now, because sammy has chosen to bail out his chosen one yet again. he decided to spare the doll, and her multimillion dollar contract because, "what's nothing to someone who gives it away for free? she's not for sale so money is of no object..." ok, i want a handful of what they're on.