the young kisses search for a new pile of bricks

after the bloodbath on skid row, the doll sets her sights on cielo

kathleen feels herself being called to her 10050 lonesome lane summer home, after her house in arcadia was turned into a human slaughterhouse. last weekend, a pack of four crazed followers broke into her 312 fortress, murdered five of her friends and nearly slashed the doll to ribbons. she is not pleased and is currently looking for a new tomb to call home. she will most likely go to her summer haunt, in the city of cielo. in the past, she has called the 10050 her 'love shack.'

"the house in cielo is in primrose canyon and oversees the valley from the lookout mountains. located off a narrow, winding road - there's nothing like it. it's surrounded by lush, thick trees, mountain laurel, bougainvillea and cherry-blossoms - with rose-blanketed fences and a cool spring pool grown over with wildflowers. there are stone fireplaces, high, beamed ceilings - a hayloft, hidden passageways and a secret tunnel that connected to the garage and guest house. it was built in the 1940s by a movie star to resemble a farmhouse in the french countryside, but it looks more twentieth century fox than anything. it is the house on the hill, a faraway place from the real world, where nothing can go wrong. burrowed against the hillside , it is the end-all of hideouts - one that hangs high above the valley, above the clouds."

kiss has mentioned to the papers that he feels the home at 10050 lonesome lane in cielo will be safer for kathleen, given the recent goings-on. no, actually he was talking about how he'll now be able to tell what she's up to at all times, because of some dumb outdoor lamps she put up and down the walkway for parties;

"...you could see her light from 10050 all the way down from lonesome lane - not lonesome lane, but primrose canyon, all the way down to the valley."

known as "the street with a famous reputation," lonesome lane garnered the lowly handle due to the popular locals on the block. sounds like kathleen and her heroin-spoon jimmy kiss will fit right in!
baby babble is said to be relieved about heading to cielo and so is kiss - word around the campfire is, the fuzz told them that since two of the four killers are dead, the remaining suspects will most likely be gearing up for a second attack, seeing as how the first one didn't go so hot. gulp.
word around the campfire is that she'll be headed to cielo next weekend, after she attends the funerals of her friends. sad times. sucks to be her - just saying.

 

the summer of death claims another

 
_M8A5593.jpg
 

a couple more deaths and we can put a calendar together

well, it looks like the pair of black death overalls kathleen donned for her mates' funerals after the 312 bloodbath will have to be brought out from collecting mothballs; for, her buddy tim bob has passed onto the happy hunting ground in the sky.

after slamming a couple of armfuls of heroin and guzzling a bottle of booze, he collapsed on the floor of his flophouse hotel room - where he eventually stopped breathing. he was discovered by staff on thursday. his death has not officially been ruled by police yet, but it is said to be a suicide. those close to him told the fence that, ever since the freak fest, he experienced heavy symptoms of anxiety following the amount of publicity he received. young and impressible, he became succumbed by the spotlight.

kathleen gave an informal eulogy outside of her house today and pretty much said that tim bob was her hep parade intern and that, yes, she knew he was a writer at the time of the freak fest. she also said that she suspects foul play in his death and will be in contact with the fuzz.
detective kiss has put his theory out there too - he told police that hep parade had hired men kill tim bob, in an effort to keep kathleen out of jail, because he "knew too much" after spending several months conducting interviews with her for an article he was writing....that, to my knowledge, never came out.....and was separate from the article he wrote about the freak fest.....hmm...

in response, baby babble retorted that kiss is as dead to her as tim bob. okay, she didn't, but that comment alone made it sound like she wanted to and was biting her tongue and rolling her eyes in his general direction the whole time.
anyways, rest in peace tim bob.

the doll makes a futile attempt to kill headlock

joey buys her motorbike as early christmas gift; she nearly maims headlock with it

a couple of weeks ago, while the doll and her young kiss were on holiday in grimaldi, joey came across a vintage motorcycle being peddled by a real live greaser and knew that he just had to buy it for baby babble. when joey called and had it rerouted to their new easy street hills home in arcadia, it ended up arriving earlier than expected; so, joey decided to let kathleen open it early. i think we all know where this is going...............

within moments of turning the key to 'on,' she had totaled the bike - with headlock riding bitch. a frantic joey rushed the two to hospital. kathleen is fine - she'll probably outlive us all - but headlock broke his left arm, wrist and cracked a rip as well. while she was talking to doctors, she confessed that she hadn't eaten all day long, took some quaaludes and guzzled a couple of drinks before the crash, sure, but she wasn't tipsy. um, only a couple drinks? come on, doll, don't kid yourself! try a couple bottles. and quaaludes? where did you manage those from? a time capsule from 1974? she also told headlock that he should have known that he was driving her to drink.....and drive.......

her brother told the papers that, not to worry, baby babble's camp had already sent for ludo ludovic - trotsky's old rent-boy - to replace grandpa headlock until he feels better. they also contracted out the help of a specialist to repair kathleen's broken motorbike. okay, can someone please give me a good reason as to why in the fuck are they fixing the 'cycle back up? that thing is a deathtrap and if the million dollar brat isn't careful, she'll be the next asshole walking into hospital with a broken arm - or worse.

speaking of which, i'll bet headlock wishes that day would come sooner rather than later - because katty cakes was a straight up bitch to him while he was hurting. the doll said that she was seconds away from demanding a prescription-strength bullet in the head and ending it all, since headlock wouldn't shut the fuck up! she said that he was in so much pain and crying like such a skirt that is was "tear-jerking to see him in such a state." and by that, kathleen of course means that she thought long and hard about suffocating him with one of the hospital's flatter-than-cardboard pillows. i say, in her defense, she's a writer - not a nurse. caring about people isn't part of her gig.

hopefully, for her sake, while the doll was in hospital she asked for a quick vitamin transfusion - because she is beginning to look a little on the ratty side yet again. on the other hand, it could be for the reason that the million dollar morphine brat conned the doctors out of a couple of narcotic pain injections for her on the low-low. sodapop joked to the press that is made his sister so loopy, she started dancing in the hallway of the emergency room until she fell down and passed out for a little disco nap. to that i say - damn! kathleen needs to get me the street name of that shit.

get a room already!

kathleen and joey are seriously driving me batty - they are always attached at the lips! i know they've been dating for a couple of months - which, mind you, is years in doll time - but they're worse than a damn junior high school couple! i've never seen more hand holding, lovebites and piggyback rides in my life! and i haven't ralphed more, either.

the doll and her young kiss have taken to staying at one of the small studio flats above the disco room nightclub on cally alley for the time being, until their easy street hills home is available. they will also be staying with joey's family for hanukkah - jimmy is going to be there too and i'm sure he'll be rapid-fire speed dialling the arcadian suicide hot line throughout the entire holiday.

if you can't tell excited jimmy is, listen to what he told one of the flashers outside of the 312 - where kathleen has graciously allowed him to live since she can't stand him - upon receiving the scoop that the doll was cut in on hanukkah, "honestly, i don't give much of a shit, myself. my ma asked me to be there and out of the kindness of my heart, i'm going to do it. not for kathleen, or my brother - for my ma." out of the kindness of his heart? is that supposed to be a joke?

once the doll caught wind of this, she chimed in and said, "jimmy's just mad because i was invited and his mother won't let him bring his latest sick, skanky excuse for a girlfriend. too bad, so sad." LOL, what a bitch. it's a step in the right direction though - she had to disconnect herself from joey's lips long enough to make such a nasty statement.

the doll should really withdraw from her sniper position opposite jimmy's bedroom window - everyone knows that he's not going to show up for the holiday anyways. and, if he does he'll either be high and drunk the entire time - or drunk and high - and be shunned from the family at once. if jimmy manages to grace kiss manor without fresh track marks, you know that the shit will hit the fan - trust. especially now that kathleen and joey can't knock off the heavy petting! them of all people should know how sensitive jimmy is. he can't handle the thought of the two necking, let alone actually witnessing the act. that would be the end of jimmy kiss as we know it. i'm just saying that it would be in poor taste of the doll to be mean to jimmy, as he is so close to the edge..............of jumping off a cliff!

all jokes aside, she really does need to put herself in someone else's dirty, heroin-smoke stained ballet slippers for once.

hide your eight-balls; the doll is back in arcadia

home again, home again, jiggity jig

it's a shame that kathleen and joey's return to arcadia couldn't have been worse. within five minutes of arriving in the city with all their property, the two received a call that their recently purchased home in the easy street hills - located at 1999 lisbon drive - is still under the knife and not available to live in right now; so, when the pair was dropped off at the l'amour bar and restaurant to get their ducks in a row, they found it to be closed for renovations! double damn! the cherry on top of kathleen and joey's garbage sundae came after they hiked from the l'amour to 312 skid row, otherwise known as the dollhouse. in addition to baby babble's security code failing, jimmy kiss - who was supposed to be working in grimaldi on a photoshoot - came strutting down the driveway with a scowl stretched across his face. it was on!

kathleen opened her mouth to begin the verbal cagematch, but jimmy wouldn't hear any of it. sadly, before the doll's wand and spellbook could be located, jimmy respectfully put on his trilby and got the fuck out of there. it was from the 312 that kathleen booked one of the small studio flats above the disco room nightclub. located downtown in calley alley, the disco room was one of the doll's usual boozing spots when she was a former resident of skid row, as well as the l'amour and the after-hours club. now, it looks like it's going to be her new home! that's probably for the best - instead of stumbling her boozy tail home, she can stumble it upstairs and save herself the embarassment.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

i have no doubt that trotsky is going cartwheels in his grave right now. he was the doll's sidekick and doubled as her ultra-femme advisor; and as her advisor, i know he would have advised her in the opposite direction, especially if it was anything that included the words 'jimmy kiss' and 'permanent' in the sentence.

if you ask me, this come as a total sucker punch to my windpipe; i mean, i had heard around the campfire that kathleen and joey were having some issues - i suspected it was because of jimmy rubbing his second rate, wannabe doll girlfriend in kat's face - but she has got to be fucking kidding me with this tattoo shit!

the fence reported that the pretty people club luminary wandered onto the arcadian high road last night and waltzed into the first tattoo shop that she could see. the artists inside refused to tattoo her, as she was blackout drunk - a result of logging some important hours at the club de luxe with drinking pal and lost boy rocko j. nasty - so, she began throwing money at them until they ultimately agreed to ink her. okay, i'm lying - she flashed them until they ultimately agreed to ink her with what will now be known as the dumbest tattoo......ever.

joey was blindsided by the news - just like me - but still pretty pleased with himself that he's since kicked the doll to the curb; and he let the whole world know about it. the young kiss must have been taking lessons from captain loose lips himself, sodapop, because he told the fence that the doll screws with his head on a regular basis and that her shitty choice of a tattoo isn't the first time that she's intentionally done something to hurt his feelings. joey revealed that a little over two months ago - while jimmy was still haunting the 10050 - he woke up late in the doll's bed, only to realize that kathleen had disappeared! fearing the worst, he reached for his trusty shotgun - WTF? - and began to search the house. it was upon stumbling into the guest bedroom - where jimmy was rooming - that joey discovered his brother and kathleen locked in a steamy conversation and gazing deeply into each other's eyes. they also may or may not have been sharing a bottle of wine. feeling like his heart had been smashed into a hundred little pieces with a sledgehammer; you know joey stared long and hard at that shotgun before he put it away. he claims that he now considers the memory a bygone one, but i say he's full of it - i'll bet joey's voice was breaking the entire time he was participating in his own open-air therapy session with the press. he's a kiss - this he cannot change - being a wet mop is in their blood, it's as simple as this.

okay, i think i should switch back to making fun of the doll right now. i'll put it this way, unless she's trying to put some kind of witchy spell on jimmy via tattooing his own name on her flesh - i'm not interested. that shit just howls : laser removal, big mistake and wrong.

HEP! premieres; hailed as - you guessed it - award winning material

HEP! : because the eight-balls don't buy themselves, baby

the million dollar brat has only been mourning trotsky's untimely death for less than a week and her cold-blooded company has already demanded that she return to work!

sadly, HEP! was supposed to start gracing the silver screens only a day after the news of trotsky's death broke. without delay, wild honeypie cancelled the event and didn't even issue an apology; then, she went and had the first edition of the pretty people club - featuring the piece "the million dollar brat" - pulled off of the shelves, because it is damaging to the memory of trotsky or some bullshit. in short, the article included him downing drugs at the doll buffet. yet, her camp at hep parade  finally said, "we're not asking - we're telling," and then they told kathleen to get her ass back to work!

so, the premiere of HEP! took place tonight at cosmic charlie's cosmic disco because the riot house has been under strong police surveillance - and critics have already floated the moving picture as a nominee for several moving picture awards. the film has also garnished four and a half stars out o the possible five - but who's counting?

there was a small party held before the event and all the pretty people were in attendance. katty cakes managed to get the reclusive and notorious motorcycle gang, the hell boys, to come out and play for the opening night. they probably heard their mating call of black tar heroin crackling on tinfoil and the clinks of whiskey bottles and came a-runnin'.

no, sodapop cracked the dead bolt on his loose lips and opened up to the fence; soda said that his sister's people did it because, um, well, kathleen's been a goddamn stage sixteen mess ever since trotsky croaked. those close to her say that the doll's worse than ever - she has been secluded in her 10050 love shack home since the news hit and takes mostly to her bed. mates say that she has her drug dealers coming in and out of the house at all hours; consequentially, headlock phoned up the hell boys and asked them to come watch over the property.

"it's been really nutty," sodapop told photographers, "the fence's presence is pretty heavy. we've only had the TV on once - we looked out the window and saw ourselves look out the window through the television." furthermore - and on more than one occasion, too - the doll has been so far gone, that she spaced locking her house and gates; friends fear that something unfortunate could be in the works if she doesn't watch it.

the lost boys were there too, stinking up the place with a stench similar to a high school football team's dirty gym socks. yet even with all of those familiar faces beaming back at her from the audience, kathleen fled long before the movie was finished. those in attendance say that she couldn't bring herself to sit through the entire movie, as it pretty much features trotsky in every scene. joey was seen later escorting the doll home. well, at least she got to toast the memory of her dearly departed friend before she left - she held a champagne tribute before the movie commenced and said, "this is for you, trotsky - i wish you could be here with us tonight, but that's cool. save me a spot in rock 'n' roll heaven and i'll be there before you know it." okay that was a little dark - even for her. after giving her self-eulogy, kathleen downed her drink and one and then jetted out the door.

in other doll news, the riot house was re-opened last night and every single room was taken out of vacancy within a matter of hours. and i mean every room - there was even a point in the night where people were even asking if they could rent out portions of the rose gardens to set up tents like some kind of goddamn gypsy camp! those requests were denied, naturally, as the gardens are still off limits to guests, due to the recent loss of trotsky.

speaking of, trotsky's cause of death has been ruled accidental - and, yes, he was taking drugs at the time of his worldly departure. lots and lots of drugs. trotsky's system almost puts the doll to shame. his chemical analysis revealed lethal levels of cocaine and morphine - known as kathleen's breakfast or a 'speedball' on the streets - as well as codeine, barbiturates and other various prescription drugs. the police are investigating the matter as the barbiturates - commonly referred as 'barbies' - were prescribed to kathleen. the fuzz have ruled, though, that his death was unintentional and will not be continuing their investigation.

now, i've been cutting baby babble some slack because she's in mourning, but i have to say something : kathleen sure seems like she wants to join trotsky in dancing on all the tables in heaven; i mean, she showed up to the HEP! premiere looking like you could find her sleeping with the alley cats and pawing at fish skeletons. basically, she looked like last year - bug eyes, runny nose; with scratches and bruises scattered throughout her arms. cigarette at hand, drink in tow and disgusting ballet slippers on her feet - here we go again! and so soon, doll?

the beautiful one launches the pretty people club magazine

and only the pretty people are allowed to read it!

kathleen held a very ladylike and demure tea party in the ballroom of the arcadian riot house this afternoon to celebrate launching the pretty people club magazine and later on, hosted a celebration at the il coyote country club in the early evening. i'm glad she's learned her lesson - slurp tea with the rich people, your bosses, by day and snort drugs with the kids, your target market, by night.

she announced that not only would she be extending the shelflife of her fanmail column with hep parade  while continuing to write books and star in films, but now heading  the pretty people club as well - ☺ is going to be on the backburner, so she can have time to put the finishing touches on HEP!.

.still, she's the president of the pretty people club now and that includes not weaseling out of highly important presidential duties. and, did i just lose my mind or did the doll seriously promise more fanmail? NO!!!!!! i would rather have a feral alley cat scratch my eyeballs out than read more of that shit!

the best part came during the doll's champagne toast :

"someone asked me why i started my own magazine......i was tired of the suits getting all of the hookers and cocaine..."

LOL. now, even though we all know that the pretty people club is going to have already gone down in flames by the same time next year, i still want to take it upon myself to formally wish kathleen luck on her latest foray. she is so in demand right now that she can barely spit on the sidewalk without some photographer having a conniption fit. besides - i hear ☺ is going to knock us all dead.

here we are again

and so soon

i hate to say this, but i really can't wait until hep parade tells kathleen, "don't let the door hit your ass on the way out!" once and for all, because this fanmail shit is for the birds.
you know the doll, though; she has always been quite the bitch and hardly appreciates her fans. speaking of, get out your reading glasses and get ready for another ascent to outer space, courtesy of our one and only baby babble!

Q: Do you really think that you'll still be relevant in 10 years?
A: no, from what i've been told, i've proved that underground literature is a bankable commodity - THEY WON'T NEED ME 4EVER

Q: Isn't it funny that Jimmy's new girlfriend looks just like you?
A: O YA - THE RESEMBLANCE IS UNCANNY

Q: Did Jimmy really replace you with Trotsky's sister?
A: LMAO!!!!!!! YA RIGHT! restraining order

Q: I heard Jimmy Kiss recently took a foray into the music business. How does this make you feel?
A: like killing myself - jimmy kiss singing makes birds fall dead from the trees

Q: Oh yeah? Well I also heard that he's doing a show in Arcadia at the Disco Room soon.
A: IS THAT SO? WHEN AND WUT TIME??? I'LL HAVE THE FUZZ WAITING IN CALLY ALLEY 4 HIS LOSER ASS!

Q: Since when did you start on all the Jimmy Kiss hate?
A: SINCE 4 EVER. DUH.

Q: What's the last thing you said to Jimmy?
A: you can eat shit for all i care...

Q: I love you.
A: JOEY'S GONNA BE SO MAD

Q: Did you ever go to your high school prom?
A: OF COURSE NOT - 2 UGLY

Q: What would you describe yourself as?
A: LIFER

Q: Did Jimmy teach you the term 'lifer?'
A: ROFL - HE WISHES

Q: Do you drive drunk?
A: only always - me sober attracts too much attention

Q: Quick! Go to your window right now - how many photographers are outside your house?
A: LOL - 1 FLASHER, 2 FLASHER, 3 FLASHER....when i'm alone i count myself - ONE DOLL!

Q: I have some blow - I'll be at the Riot House, in room 234, under the name of 'Kurk Crowbar' - can you meet me there on Monday?
A: BLOW? I LOVE BLOW. WUT TIME????

Q: Let's meet at midnight - wear all black.
A: U GOT IT

Q: Will you ever marry?
A: WHO WOULD WANT 2 MARRY ALL THIS??? I SUCK

Q: What's with the outer space talk? You start going to astronaut school or something?
A: i dropped out of astronaut school - besides, i've already been to the moon and looked down on the earth; UR NOTHING IF YOU'VE NEVER BEEN 2 SPACE

Q: Go ahead and sign with Hep Parade because your latest boyfriend works there - they just want to make a quick profit off of you.
A: PROPHET = PROFIT

Q: So, if you are what you eat, then what does that make you - nothing?
A: OOOH GOOD ONE

Q: How's the heroin from Cielo compare with the heroin from Arcadia?
A: IT'S MORE DOPE

Q: I've followed you're entire career and noticed one thing - you have no friends that are female. What is with this?
A: THERE'S NOT ROOM ENOUGH FOR 2 QUEEN QUNTS IN THIS TOWN

Q: I've heard that you have terrible vision and been in more accidents than you can remember - how do you still have a license?
A: IDK - sometimes i can't even see signs until after i've passed them. IS THAT BAD?

Q: Where do you believe your appeal truly lies?
A: IN OUTER SPACE, DUH - no, i believe it's because i truly DGAF

Q: Whatever happened to Sodapop? Did you finally shut him up?
A: LOL I WISH - he's still kicking around somewhere....probably chasing some tail

Q: I was informed that you only make a mere ten thousand a day. Am I wrong, or are you in the poorhouse now?
A: U WERE ILL INFORMED - i make a million a day

um, what - the poorhouse? please. she makes boatloads of cash as it is, what with all the gibberish she scribbles out. the doll has made her fortune off of plenty of different things over the years : books, columns, death threats to beau badman, essays, jimmy kiss' eulogy, speeches, shit that nobody understands...why would she be in the poorhouse? i mean, the bandanna was one thing, but she's since given that up for a super sweet denim jacket from 1993 that joey handed down to her. duh.

and, if i could direct this towards sodapop - you know he's chasing a gaggle of flashers around, trying to get some kind of story published. it's either that or he's dead, because there's nothing that can shut him up.

 

the fanmail answers itself nowadays

you've got to hang it to the doll's fans - if they didn't support her, who would? no one, that's who!

and hopefully, for her sake, they can continue to support her, because the beautiful one doesn't have much to do this summer. DIG! was set to premiere in the fall, but kathleen purposely pushed it to the summertime to clear her schedule; ☺ has been put on hold until further notice. other than bothering the riot house staff and answering fanmail, the doll has nothing but time on her hands. speaking of fanmail.....time to suffer!

Q: Missed me, missed me, now you've got to...?
A: MY MOM AND YOUR MOM WERE HANGING OUT CLOTHES

Q: I read somewhere that you and Jimmy were secretly married. Is that for real?
A: snot true!!!

Q: Do you use coupons?
A: ROFL

Q: Have you ever done something completely disgusting, just because someone paid you? (Note : heroin doesn't count!)
A: if heroin doesn't count - I DON'T WANNA PLAY

Q: Do you charge admission to your house parties?
A: ....SUCKERS!

Q: No, really. If I come to Cielo, I want to see 10050 Lonesome Lane.
A: that costs money too

Q: Who do you love?
A: i love the birds and the bees and the cigarette trees

Q: I read once that, during the writing of ☺, you suffered from insomnia. What's the truth in this?
A: I'LL SLEEP WHEN I DIE

Q: Have you ever had team sex?
A: what's team sex? I'LL WIN.

Q: When you drive, do you drive the speed limit?
A: LIMITS ARE 4 SQUARES

Q: Paranoid?
A: COYOTE

Q: You worried?
A: the doll, worry? IDGAF

Q: Which of Jimmy's features do you like most?
A: BUTT - next question

Q: What's next for the Doll?
A: first, cielo - THEN, THE WORLD

Q: If I wanted to take you out for hamburgers - sans the tomatoes - would you let me?
A: i never eat.....HAMBURGERS

Q: This question is for Jimmy Kiss : When you finally leave that eyesore Kat, do you think she'll become a harpy? I do.
A: WHY I OUGHTA - harpy? really? JIMMY'S THE HARPY

Q: Are you happy with your life?
A: i'm happy with death

Q: Wow, I was reading Hep Parade the other day and I saw that you have a copy of the Satanic Bible in your Riot House bungalow. Never figured you for a Devil-worshipper.
A: SATAN'S MY #1 FAN - 666!!!

Q: Beau Goodman, Marynard B. Alberkraut or Jimmy Kiss?
A: beau is garbage, maynard is green - jimmy's the still point of my turning world

Q: Isn't Beau dead?
A: worse - HEMMED UP

Q: Did you break up with Maynard because he doesn't like to party?
A: KRAUT PARTIES LIKE IT'S 1999 - he takes a whiskey sour at the riot house when i'm nice enough to give him drink tickets

Q: Okay - then what is it? Did he not put out?
A: PASS

Q: Sodapop likes to talk about you in the papers like there's no tomorrow - what's one of his dirty little secrets?
A: mother and father used to call him "the mistake" - one time they put him in the oven with the gas on as a young child

Q: God loves you.
A: cod? what cod do you speak of? THERE IS NO COD.

Q: Who is this Loyal character I keep hearing about?
A: LOYAL IS THE DUKE OF PUKE

Q: I don't get it - are the Lost Boys greasers, or are they punks?
A: GREASY PUNKS

Q: What is the Coston Fox?
A: the coston fox is your friend. he lurks nearby lonesome lane, but on coston - THE COSTON FOX LOVES CIELO

Q: You have it so easy - some would kill to be in your shoes.
A: ROFL - some have tried to kill to be in these shoes

Q: Why would anyone, in their right mind, drive all the way up Lonesome Lane?
A: to see the doll of course! JUST GO2 THE END OF THE LANE!

Q: Trotsky seems like the little brother of the 10050 - does he have a nickname?
A: Baby Bear

all i have to say is - harpy.

kathleen hits the disco room

the disco room hits back and baby babble cries alligator tears in cally alley

the doll and her gaggle of pretty people are back in arcadia to paint the town red. and a little bit of the white and ski-blacky, if you know what i'm talking about.

kathleen is not back in her old stomping grounds for pleasure, sadly, but for business - DIG! premiered tonight at the disco room.

DIG! is about the doll and her pretty people. the film was originally going to chronicle the writing process of ☺, but word has it that, recently, the concept changed entirely. critics are expecting footage from her raw public persona, as well a "candid" look at kathleen. candid? i think there's been a typo - they probably meant uncanny.

the moving picture can also be seen for free, throughout the weekend, at the riot house in. tomorrow, the doll will be home and making an appearance at the ceremony being held in cielo. i'm sure she'll be over the moon to be home - the people in arcadia were about as welcoming as a slap to the face.

kathleen, soda, trotsky and maynard b. vanillakraut arrived in arcadia sometime around three and her pretty people got in after five. without skipping a beat, wild honeypie went from the train station to the l'amour and immediately began hitting the hooch. she was supposed to drag her tail to the disco room promptly at six, but didn't stroll in until half-seven.

the film began at eight; there were over five hundred in attendance, with many people lined around the block for hours to get in. a projector and screen were recently installed outside for the premiere, causing most locals to scrap the premiere itself and watch the film from nearby rooftops. sodapop took to overseeing the music after the picture closed, that is, until kathleen stole the mic from him. after pushing the bartender to his moral limit, she stumbled over to the dancefloor and jumped onstage. doing the most appropriate thing she could think of at the time, she launched into her own version of "gimme dat nut." she didn't even make it to the chorus. the doll was booed off the stage without delay by a bunch of grumpy haters. those cunts! when kathleen sings, birds don't fall dead from the trees or anything - choirs of angels join in.

nevertheless, kathleen couldn't take the heat, so she sat on the sidewalk and pouted for a good half an hour, until she walked home with mates. ok, i lied - she was carried home.

but, if you ask me, i still think the best part of the night came when she brought the party back to the 312 - she was going down to the main gates to meet a mate and the flashers started to get on her case about jimmy. they asked if she was planning on visiting him in jail and her response was, "yeah, i'll go see kiss - right after i staple my hands together." meow!

the beautiful one holidays with the pretty people

tries to escape 'no-mates' beau badman

kathleen was seen strolling along the beaches this weekend, on the isle of grimaldi, with her best pals by her side. it would seem that beau badman, who spent the weekend cooling off in an arcadian jailcell, is the furthest thing from the doll's mind as she enjoys a relaxing holiday with jimmy kiss, trotsky, brother sodapop cola, new members to the group maynard b. alberkraut, ludo ludovic and the rest of her people in tow. her army of 25+ wandering artists, bikers, punks, gypsies, junkies, flower children and billion dollar babies have been ceremoniously dubbed 'the pretty people' by kathleen and also called "the freaks" by the papers. they all boarded the doll's private jet, the crippler, in arcadia on friday morning and landed before sundown. i could make a joke about wild honeypie being high here, but really i'd rather not.

headlock, who is staying in cielo all by his lonesome, sent trotsky and brother sodapop ahead to watch over the group. these two, along with her pretty people, have reportedly been a "tower of strength" for her, what with the human slaughterhouse on skid row and beau stalking her and everything. you know, because jimmy's not a tower of strength! he's more like a tower of wet rags.

kathleen is the sunshine kid

baby babble and her spoonful of sugar are hitting the road!

kat and kiss are going on tour! why, you ask? i think the more important question is : THOSE 2 ARE BACK TOGETHER? oh lord jesus help us.

yup, kathleen somehow talked her way back into jimmy's pocket. word has it, she showed up outside of jimmy's cardboard shack on the street last night and lied through her teeth made a bunch of empty promises to get him back. i guess it worked, because today hep parade magazine announced 'the sunshine tour'. tickets will be on sale online starting next week. i'm sure those two will paint the skid row neighborhood red. and a little bit of the brown and white, if you know what i mean.

in the rider, the troublesome doll rather ridiculously demanded;

one (1) roadie who speaks decent french, bad german and even worse english. he must not be afraid of death. also, he needs to be comfortable with:
1.) headlock - headlock will be his right hand man. this may seem obvious, but take it from me - he is not a people person.
2.) china white, needles, wadded-up pieces of tinfoil and getting arrested - this is all we do.
3.) sodapop - sodapop will talk at will. feel free to ignore him totally or carry your own earplugs.
demands:
security; we will be requiring the use of three (3) intensely loyal security persons - who don't mind looking the other way if certain situations should arise - to be stationed at the entrance of the dressing rooms. yes, three men, preferably built like brick shit-houses, to stand menacingly outside the doors. please also note that during the crawl, we will have extra persons with us - no police, thanks.
parking; this is skid row and kathleen and her people will require parking passes for at least seven (7) cars on the dar of the crawl.
dressing rooms; three (3) comfortable dressing rooms will be required. one for trotsky and sodapop - as well as the production crew of DIG!
*the kisses will require the exclusive use of the dressing room for the entire day and night of the gigs. the doors should lock and the rooms should have the ability to be temperature-regulated by the occupants. there must also be a 120-volt electrical service in each. this means a really janky-looking wall socket that's already got three things plugged into it. for our friends from france.
1.) silver tea service would be the best. i suppose you could provide a kettle or a coffee machine if you like, otherwise i'm sure there's a café nearby. and if there isn't - this is god, telling you to open one.
2.) two (2) packs of playing cards. in case jimmy wants to do some card tricks - or kathleen wants to hold a quick game of strip poker.
the kisses;
fresh ginger, honey, lemons and a knife sharp enough to stab jimmy kiss with. and some chinese gunpowder tea so we can blow the joint up. kidding! i doubt you'll be able to find chinese gunpowder tea at this time of year.
an english language newspaper
a bucket of ice, for champagne
a box of tinfoil
2 bottles each: grey goose or belvedere
jamison whiskey
martell cognac
1 case each: heineken
banana bread beer, brewed by our friends from england
coca-cola, in bottles, with cane sugar
ribena juice boxes
2 boxes of rough rider condoms
assorted candy (saturn zingers, flying saucers, raspberry bootlace...)
1 carton each of camel blue, parliament full flavor and light american spirit cigarettes.
*i'd just like to say that the next time that i, the sunshine kid, gets booked, if my rider is not totally satisfied, i will show up at the venue three hours late and won't go on until my needs are met.
*and no wimping out every night after a few drinks. the sunshine kid will frown upon this as the tour motto now is "blood in, blood out."

the fun, fun times for her.

and, it sounds like sodapop will be joining in for the hijinks as well! hopefully the kisses cut him out of all the action, because you know the second that the tour is over, soda's going to go make some real money with the newspapers. i am convinced that sodapop should get a device installed in his body, so that when the fence needs ideas for cover stories, they can just stick a couple of quarters in him and he'll spit on out. it's pretty much the same thing he does now, only with less mechanics involved.

 

nothing gets past the 312

the doll's "spoonful of sugar" sings like a canary!

ever since jimmy kiss smashed the doll's heart quicker than he would a piggy bank full of black-tar heroin, he's been running around arcadia - flapping his lips. for example - today, he filled the fence in on how great the doll was in the sack! kathleen will probably take it badly, but if anything, jimmy did her a favor - she'll be beating the boys away with a stick, starting now!

he led with, "believe what you will, but i'm the only man she's ever been with." yeah, right! he continued by saying, "when she told me it was the first time, i knew anything i did to her she would love, because she had never had anything done to her." gross. "i promise i did it good, too!" i seriously doubt that. please, somebody say he's joking! what in the fuck?

he then told a really super touching story, starring himself, kathleen and a trampoline in a friend's backyard one slippery wet summer night. jimmy said, "it was at a party - we were in the back, smoking a ciggie and she looked at me - she gave me this look. i knew right away what she wanted." he went on, but all i have to say is - a trampoline, really? are we back in junior high again? because, the last time i got down on a trampoline, i still had a locker combination - let's just be real.

after that, kiss went on a tangent about how great he was - beginning with some wild idea that he created the doll we all know and hate. in his little pea brain, he credits himself to giving kathleen her start in "the business." what business? the business of smoking crack and eating ice lollies all day?

jimmy said that his baby babble became famous overnight after he introduced her to his photographer friends. he couldn't be talking about the sleazy, industry flasher buddies who were behind the published photos of katty cakes sprawled out half-nude in what appeared to be a dope house, looking three sheets to the wind, could he? as if! jimmy is the one responsible for creating the doll, yes, but not because of that - it's because he introduced her to his good friends, heroin and cocaine. that's how she got her true start.

speaking of sleazy photographer friends - the same gang will be shooting a film on katty cakes, entitled, DIG! to be released in the late summer, around the same time as her book. and yes, i do believe they are releasing it in the summer of never, because ☺ will never be finished!

jimmy brought the attention back on him and wrapped up his tour down memory lane by presenting the flashers with love bites and scratches on his back, as well as polaroids from kathleen naked - doing everything from swimming to housework. if that's not class, i don't know what is. he made some other comments worthy of a good eye-roll, but i can make a long story short better than he can - the doll loves sex, but she loves drugs more! she likes to go at it all night long and is into kink. slap her around a bit and you won't be able to get rid of her, but tell her to call you "daddy" and she'll be gone before you can try to take it back!

honestly, jimmy should have known better - anything you do with the doll, you take to the grave!

and, from the sounds of it, kiss is firing blanks.

they're kiss until the death...

...or at least until they break up

now, no one will confirm shit - not even loose lips sodapop - but i suspect that jimmy has left katty cakes like a hot bag of rocks on front street for, well, for a lot of reasons. and who can blame him? the doll is the president of the worst girlfriend ever society and wrote the rulebook. i'm just saying. but to dump someone on their birthday?? unforgivable!

jimmy totally believed the doll's lies when she said that she and beau weren't shacking up while he was in jail, but she just had jimmy in a cloud of coke smoke and was bewitching him with promises of smoochy-wooches and kissy-wisses. it was all a sham! as soon as beau was arrested, the doll immediately ran to his side and that didn't sit well with jimmy. now that beau is out of jail thanks to the doll's hard earned cash, kiss finally threw up his hands and left the doll on the curb for, "beau to pick up the pieces." zing!

jimmy kiss is serious and even changed his address from : kathleen's pocket, 312 skid row, arcadia, to : one of the small squats above the disco room nightclub for £65 a week, cally alley, arcadia. he's far enough away from the doll for her to miss him, but close enough in case she decides that she wants him back.

with jimmy out of the way, kathleen now has lots and lots of time to do important shit, like kick it with beau, slam heroin, finish the next bible, guzzle hooch, sew sodapop's mouth shut, foilies and smoke her weight in doobies. sounds like her life is going to be great without kiss! what's the problem?

and, for what it's worth - those two will be back to shooting each other up in no time.