the young kisses search for a new pile of bricks

after the bloodbath on skid row, the doll sets her sights on cielo

kathleen feels herself being called to her 10050 lonesome lane summer home, after her house in arcadia was turned into a human slaughterhouse. last weekend, a pack of four crazed followers broke into her 312 fortress, murdered five of her friends and nearly slashed the doll to ribbons. she is not pleased and is currently looking for a new tomb to call home. she will most likely go to her summer haunt, in the city of cielo. in the past, she has called the 10050 her 'love shack.'

"the house in cielo is in primrose canyon and oversees the valley from the lookout mountains. located off a narrow, winding road - there's nothing like it. it's surrounded by lush, thick trees, mountain laurel, bougainvillea and cherry-blossoms - with rose-blanketed fences and a cool spring pool grown over with wildflowers. there are stone fireplaces, high, beamed ceilings - a hayloft, hidden passageways and a secret tunnel that connected to the garage and guest house. it was built in the 1940s by a movie star to resemble a farmhouse in the french countryside, but it looks more twentieth century fox than anything. it is the house on the hill, a faraway place from the real world, where nothing can go wrong. burrowed against the hillside , it is the end-all of hideouts - one that hangs high above the valley, above the clouds."

kiss has mentioned to the papers that he feels the home at 10050 lonesome lane in cielo will be safer for kathleen, given the recent goings-on. no, actually he was talking about how he'll now be able to tell what she's up to at all times, because of some dumb outdoor lamps she put up and down the walkway for parties;

"...you could see her light from 10050 all the way down from lonesome lane - not lonesome lane, but primrose canyon, all the way down to the valley."

known as "the street with a famous reputation," lonesome lane garnered the lowly handle due to the popular locals on the block. sounds like kathleen and her heroin-spoon jimmy kiss will fit right in!
baby babble is said to be relieved about heading to cielo and so is kiss - word around the campfire is, the fuzz told them that since two of the four killers are dead, the remaining suspects will most likely be gearing up for a second attack, seeing as how the first one didn't go so hot. gulp.
word around the campfire is that she'll be headed to cielo next weekend, after she attends the funerals of her friends. sad times. sucks to be her - just saying.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

i have no doubt that trotsky is going cartwheels in his grave right now. he was the doll's sidekick and doubled as her ultra-femme advisor; and as her advisor, i know he would have advised her in the opposite direction, especially if it was anything that included the words 'jimmy kiss' and 'permanent' in the sentence.

if you ask me, this come as a total sucker punch to my windpipe; i mean, i had heard around the campfire that kathleen and joey were having some issues - i suspected it was because of jimmy rubbing his second rate, wannabe doll girlfriend in kat's face - but she has got to be fucking kidding me with this tattoo shit!

the fence reported that the pretty people club luminary wandered onto the arcadian high road last night and waltzed into the first tattoo shop that she could see. the artists inside refused to tattoo her, as she was blackout drunk - a result of logging some important hours at the club de luxe with drinking pal and lost boy rocko j. nasty - so, she began throwing money at them until they ultimately agreed to ink her. okay, i'm lying - she flashed them until they ultimately agreed to ink her with what will now be known as the dumbest tattoo......ever.

joey was blindsided by the news - just like me - but still pretty pleased with himself that he's since kicked the doll to the curb; and he let the whole world know about it. the young kiss must have been taking lessons from captain loose lips himself, sodapop, because he told the fence that the doll screws with his head on a regular basis and that her shitty choice of a tattoo isn't the first time that she's intentionally done something to hurt his feelings. joey revealed that a little over two months ago - while jimmy was still haunting the 10050 - he woke up late in the doll's bed, only to realize that kathleen had disappeared! fearing the worst, he reached for his trusty shotgun - WTF? - and began to search the house. it was upon stumbling into the guest bedroom - where jimmy was rooming - that joey discovered his brother and kathleen locked in a steamy conversation and gazing deeply into each other's eyes. they also may or may not have been sharing a bottle of wine. feeling like his heart had been smashed into a hundred little pieces with a sledgehammer; you know joey stared long and hard at that shotgun before he put it away. he claims that he now considers the memory a bygone one, but i say he's full of it - i'll bet joey's voice was breaking the entire time he was participating in his own open-air therapy session with the press. he's a kiss - this he cannot change - being a wet mop is in their blood, it's as simple as this.

okay, i think i should switch back to making fun of the doll right now. i'll put it this way, unless she's trying to put some kind of witchy spell on jimmy via tattooing his own name on her flesh - i'm not interested. that shit just howls : laser removal, big mistake and wrong.

Q: are you writing this from inside trotsky's coffin?

A: DUH

um, is it just me or is kathleen a handful of pills away from ending it all? if you don't agree now, perhaps you will after reading her latest installment for hep parade.

Q: Mulholland or the Isle of Grimaldi?
A: grimaldi - going to mulholland makes me want to slit my wrists

Q: You know, for Trotsky's sake, you shouldn't joke about wanting to kill yourself.
A: you think i'm kidding

Q: When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A: i wanted to be able to write a mean book; and now, my books are so mean, that they never call their mother

Q: So, just how did you get your reputation?
A: by being the bitch that nobody wants to be

Q: No, really - how did someone like you get to be so famous?
A: someone like me???? um, i used to be the prettiest doll in arcadia and now i'm the prettiest doll in cielo

Q: I thought HEP! was a great dedication to the friendship that you and Trotsky shared - congratulations.
A: you obviously didn't 'get' HEP! then

Q: You are such a stupid slut. Do humankind a favor and disappear - you can take your little party dresses and your dollies with you.
A: many a true word spoken in jest

Q: If only you knew the people that I have keeping tabs on you - you would probably think twice about the things you do.
A: HEADLOCK??????????????? WTF i've done nothing incriminating.........yet

Q: I read a gossip report recently that said you fell asleep during a phone interview and cited the reason as you were "high as a kite off of heroin" - any truth in this?
A: I THINK DOPE IS DOPE - what's it to you?

Q: Are you a morning person?
A: NO WAY - especially not today. someone had been calling me all morning since 666 o'clock. some of us still live fast and die young, you know? and it just had to be someone from the fence! none of my friends wake up that early - they stay up that late

Q: I'm sure that you're tired of being badgered about Trotsky and all the elements surrounding his death, but I've always had a question about him and figured it was now or never - why did Trotsky select the 69th room at the Riot House as his suite?
A: R U FUCKING WITH ME? trotsky was as camp as a row of pink tents

Q: What did you think when Hep Parade Magazine told you to write another fanmail piece?
A: I THOUGHT 'O GREAT, I CAN'T WAIT TO TALK ABOUT DETH IN NOVEMBER

Q: I miss the normal Kathleen - when is she coming back to Planet Earth?
A: ROFL - WHEN WAS I 'NORMAL?'

Q: You probably won't spill, but were you the one who gave Trotsky the 'barbies?'
A: well, that depends - is it a crime that the pigs just write a little ticket for; or is it a crime where they puts my hands behind my back and wrap those darling silver bracelets around my wrists?

Q: Why the Jimmy tattoo?
A: U SAY 'WHY?' - I SAY 'WHY NOT?'

Q: Could you give me an estimate of the percentage of people around you that snort coke?
A: 100% this is cielo DUH

Q: Gibby Bastien is naturally gorgeous, whereas you have to pancake your makeup on and yet you still look like you rolled out of the grave. I'm glad Jimmy Kiss has moved onto a more mature woman and left the little girl in the playground.
A: WTF? playground.....grave.....natural.......U CAN SAY WHATEVER, BUT GIB HAS YET 2 ENTER THE 10050

Q: What is the last thing Trotsky said to you?
A: "doll, i can't breathe in here."

Q: Well, then what's the last thing that you said to Trotsky?
A: "but, baby, you are safe - in here."

it's almost like kathleen has spent one too many hours hovering over her favorite framed picture of trotsky, blowing lines. she probably thinks she can talk to his ghost now too. quick! someone check the doll's pulse - i want to be 100% sure that she's still with us.

jimmy kiss and not-kathleen

as if being dumped by joey and trotsky's untimely death wasn't enough for kathleen to process, jimmy kiss has gone and found someone new to hold hands with! and no, it's not the white lady. her name is gibby bastien and she is the sister of, well, duh - abbie bastien = trotsky = gib's brother. and no, they didn't meet at the funeral; that would be funny though....

jimmy met gibby though rudy rubideaux, the prosperous nightclub and hotel entrepreneur; rudy just recently opened the club de luxe and also assisted kathleen in the opening of the riot house - but gibby "isn't in the business," jimmy said. get this - she's a librarian. he also said that she doesn't even do drugs! WTF? surely this shit will never last. i give it one hot minute before jimmy starts trying to smoke, snort or slam everything in sight.

now, i'm sure somewhere in the back of the doll's little pea brain, she's always figured that jimmy would come crawling back sooner or later to wash her feet with his tears, but this gibby character completely blows that theory to shit. the beautiful one was informed of this sordid romance by - no surprises here - the flashers. they told her that gibby was going around to the fence and badmouthing baby babble, saying evil things like, "she really did a number on my baby," and, "jimmy wouldn't touch kathleen with a ten-foot pole now; he was really hurt."

okay, doll, it's time to break out your magic witch potions and lotions - there's a dumb slut running around cielo that is just asking to have a hex put on her. now, let's break it down : first of all, gibby, jimmy kiss has been kathleen's baby since the thirteenth of forever - don't get it twisted. and, oh yeah, i'm sure that jimmy really hurt when katty warbucks dried up and stopped shelling out the dough for his every want and need!

the funny thing is, after the reporters told her about jimmy and his new girl, kiss tried to pull a fast one when he went over to the 10050 to pick up some of his leftover junk - he had the audacity to bring gibby with him! wild honeypie wasn't fooled and insisted that headlock do something about it - or else she, her shovel and her .45 would. so, when headlock strolled down to the main gates to let them in, he told jimmy, "oh, i'm sorry, we must have forgotten to tell you - you can come in, jimmy, but your trash will have to stay on the curb with the rest of the garbage." LOL! even old headlock still knows how to make kiss blush. jimmy left in a huff shortly thereafter, settling the score to jimmy : 0, kat :1..

and, is it just me or are jimmy and the doll still in love with each other? i mean, jimmy's new meal ticket / girlfriend bears an uncanny resemblance to a certain beautiful blonde doper that we all know and worship. i'm just saying - i think baby babble has an evil twin running around cielo and she's simultaneously banging jimmy kiss. then again, the million dollar brat was getting busy with his younger brother, joey, who looks exactly like him. and i mean exactly - from the glazed-over, heroin-induced look in his eye to the trilby atop his head.

in other doll news, the pretty people club president announced during a radio interview that she's afraid to sleep at the riot house now. evidently, the last time she did, she had a nightmare about trotsky. now she believes his ghost to haunt the property and thinks that he keeps her up all night. i know, i think kathleen is full of it too - it's just an excuse for all that speed tea she drinks. it was during her cokey babble, though, that she revealed she would be locking up trotsky's suite in the hotel - which, believably and unbelievably is room number 69 - and throw away the key. i'm sure trotsky would have done the same thing if he could be in her situation, but you know jimmy wouldn't! the second that the doll flatlined, kiss would be out on the bethel strip, trying to hock bootlegs of her latest book or offer to let people take photographs with her corpse.

if you ask me, i think it's about time that we close the book on jimmy kiss. he and his low-rent, tap water high school version of kathleen can pack up their crackpipes, trilbies and knockoff kinderslut dresses and hit the road!

tragedy strikes at the riot house!

x

death in the gardens!

the riot house has been shut down until further notice by order of the cielo fuzz, because trotsky plunged to his death early this morning. the autopsy has not yet been made public, but witnesses say that following a long night of snorting and shooting drugs, he scrambled atop the roof to light some leftover fireworks from the freak fest; at some point, he lost his footing and plummeted down to the ground below. his body was discovered by kathleen in the riot house rose gardens before daybreak. trotsky was 21 years old.

the million dollar brat is currently holed up at her 10050 love shack and is absolutely refusing to speak with anyone who is not tied in with the doll camp. the only person to come or leave is headlock, who went to the airport this morning to pick up sodapop cola, kathleen's brother - who was in arcadia, working on a super duper secret job, given to him by his sister. once home in cielo, soda didn't waste time on spilling to the fence and said that trotsky's run-in with police the other night was no drunken twist of fate. after losing his mind from taking too many drugs and fleeing kathleen's lonesome lane home, a concerned headlock phoned the fuzz and informed them that trotsky was suicidal. by the time he was apprehended by deputies, however, he did not appear to want to take his own life - "he was acting like a brat; he just needed to dry out," one officer said. police had no choice but to let him go. soda said that the incident occurred after the doll begged with trotsky to enter rehab, but he snubbed any and all pleas.

he was recently charged with disturbing the peace after a long night with 'bad influence' kathleen. he’s been living, for quite some time, in the guest cottage on the edge of the property and therefore he became the doll's #1 friend and running mate. she even named him as the successor to headlock's position and she also named him in her last will and testament as a beneficiary.

well, trotsky, you were always one of my favorites; you could dance all night on club drugs and still find time to trim the hedges, take phone messages and snort lines with baby babble - here's hoping that you're still disturbing the peace.......up in heaven.

a funeral is expected to be held sometime next week, but neither kathleen nor her people will give any word on the matter. the flashers have even respectfully given up roosting outside 10050 lonesome lane, so we must really have a tragedy on our hands. you know a paparazzo would never put their camera down - even if it was on fire.

R.I.P. trotsky - there will never be another gold-hotpants-wearing caretaker like you.

the doll's favorite number is 666

kathleen and satan, sitting in a tree.....

because halloween is like doll christmas - or as she calls it, free candy day - baby babble wanted to get in the spirit and spruce up her 10050 love shack with some super duper spooky decorations.

she must have sent trotsky to the death metal store, though, because he came back with shit like upside down crosses, pig's heads and other products that just screamed lucifer. he also picked up some lights, which kathleen "harmlessly" arranged in a pentagram. yeah, harmless if you worship the devil! her neighbors felt this way too; for, a couple of hours after wild honeypie turned the lights on for the first time, telephone calls began to pour in, demanding that she take down her halloween decorations. even some bitchy crab apples from the high road claimed that they could see her homage to halloween and were extremely offended. let's try extremely full of shit - the city is so polluted from the doll's coke smoke that you couldn't see a star in the sky from the high road, let alone a string of lights on the doll's lawn. much to my delight, kathleen's only answers to her neighbors' pleas were, "no," and, "go fuck yourself," - i'm sure that both replies were equally enjoyed by the outraged citizens.

this all took place last night, so understand baby babble's alarm when the same small fraction of the community were still outraged and took to the fence, saying shit like kathleen is nothing but a dirty witch and the only reason that she has made so much money with her writing is because satan is guiding her hand, of course! but let's keep it real - the witch part is probably true. now, even with all of the highly convincing arguments from the kooky residents of cielo, the beautiful one was adamant and refused to change the lights. actually, i take that back. in response to the public outcry, she offered to swap the display from a pentagram to writing '666' in her lawn. always with the jokes, that girl.

the people of cielo need to smoke some of kathleen's shit and calm the fuck down; you know that after halloween is over, she'll have the display moved regardless - where would all of her houseguests sleep?

the beautiful one slashes herself up

not even innocent house windows are safe from the wrath of kat!

kathleen was hospitalized at half-three this morning after she cut her wrists and forearms trying to open a window at her cielo manor. the 10050 is a much older haunt, so when she went to slide the window up, 'it shattered under her force.' okay, first of all, what is it with her and glass? it's like anytime she comes into contact with something that can get broken, it does get broken. secondly, the doll operates on photosynthesis for her "strength," let's not kid ourselves.

trotsky had to drive her in the recently renovated gravedigger to hospital, as, needless to say, headlock and jolly roger were too busy holding hands somewhere else. kathleen sustained ample cuts and received a handful of stitches. i'm sure she also talked the doctors out of some pain meds too. either that or she had trotsky kipe some.

the doll was released back into the streets at around five in the morning. before she headed back to the 10050 for a quick disco nap, she hit up - yes, you guessed it - the bar! trotsky made a quick detour to the riot house for about forty-five minutes, the beautiful one leaving with drink in tow. i'll be she's going to have a super duper day. when she got back home, she shared some of her good mood with the press. when the flashers quipped, "ouch, doll, those cuts sure look like they hurt," kathleen retorted, "i love pain."

now, she can tell everbody that she was trying to open a window all she wants, but i know she was trying to off herself. let's be honest - she's beyond overdosing and this whole affair reeks of suicide attempt gone awry. quick! someone get her some xanax and an upbeat tempo, stat!

in other baby babble news, i am happy to report that she finally sobered up and ditched that nasty bandanna. at last! she must have returned it to the homeless, meandering drunk transient she obtained it from in the first place. i'm so proud of you - welcome back, doll.

kathleen to fans : "if it ain't stiff, it ain't worth a fuck"

more like : if it ain't cokey babble, it ain't kathleen

i'd advise you to take off your belt, wrap it tight 'round your arm and get your vein ready - it's time to slam some words of wisdom from the doll.

Q: So just how did you break up with Jimmy Kiss? He still seems pretty heartbroken.
A: i told him LOOK KISS, IT'S BEEN REAL AND IT'S BEEN FUN - BUT IT AIN'T BEEN REAL FUN

Q: Just how many people have you slept with?
A: THIS QUESTION HAS NO WRONG ANSWER

Q: What do you miss most about Jimmy Kiss?
A: HIS GROWL

Q: I saw Heidi Gretchen Alberkraut and Loyal locked in conversation last night at the Riot House. He was feeding her drinks all night and she had her hand on his thigh. Later on, I saw them again, flirting in the smoking area. Your thoughts?
A: they totally banged that night

Q: Just saying - I would pray if I were you.
A: okay, i'll start right now - GOD OF ATOM, GOD OF THINE' ALL THE WORLD OF POWER IS MINE

Q: Have you ever been to jail before? I mean, besides the drunk tank.
A: LURK MORE - the drunk tank is my kind of tank

Q: I read that you were once jailed for publically beating Jimmy Kiss in the street. Any truth in that?
A: NONE - it was trotsky; we were high on mushrooms and went streaking down lookout mountain

Q: How long will it take you to learn that drugs are bad?
A: i don't understand

Q: What a great role model you are - taking heroin and talking about Satan. There will be a special place reserved in hell for you.
A: this planet doesn't deserve me - HELL NEEDS ME

Q: You've been in the spotlight for years...do you even have any friends left?
A: HEROIN IS DOPE

Q: My friends tell me that you'll fuck on the first date - I've got some warm booze and a joint waiting for you in the backseat of my car with your name on it.
A: FUNNY - what kind of car you drive?

Q: I drive a 90's import.
A: SEE YOU @ 9 BABE

Q: Leather jackets or jean jackets?
A: DUH, jean

Q: You are such a stupid little girl...how does it feel to be just another average Cielo airhead?
A: KISS U KNOW I'M ABOVE AVERAGE

Q: I hope you enjoy your time with Loyal...you know he's just going to get while the getting's good when it's his time - don't take it personally! Honestly, we're all waiting for the day you realize it was a mistake to leave Jimmy and go crawling back to him.
A: ROFL - the day i go crawling back to kiss is the day is have a tag on my toe

Q: Are you still relevant?
A: well, i have three unanswered bags of mail so...U TELL ME SMARTGUY

Q: What do I have to do to hang out with you?
A: BLOW..........and lots of it

Q: Do you miss the Gravedigger?
A: LIKE IT WAS MY RIGHT TIT - cruising around on the back of loyal's motorbike doesn't quite cut it

Q: Do you actually live on Lonesome Lane?
A: I NEVER TELL A LIE - THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DOLL ON THE PLANET, 10050 LONESOME LANE, CIELO

Q: What is your idea of a good time?
A: jacking the heat in my house up to 73 degrees and running around with no clothes on

Q: What's the story with HEP!?
A: there is no story - it's a moving picture. THE ANTI-STORY

Q: Correct me if I am wrong, but Trotsky is gay, right?
A: trotsky is so much more than that

Q: Johnny Frigiletti - who is he?
A: he was trotsky's rent boy - now ludo ludovic is - and does everything media-related for the camp. he survived the 312 bloodbath and went on to finish DIG! by his lonesome and is currently working on HEP!

Q: Jimmy Kiss, Beau Goodman, Maynard B. Alberkraut and Loyal the Lost Boy - what have you learned?
A: if it ain't stiff, it ain't worth a fuck

Q: What happened to the Doll we once knew and loved?
A: i don't know how to tell you this, but she's long gone - BOX CITY SWEETHEART

Q: What's your favorite color?
A: black - like my heart

Q: Do you ever answer questions seriously or is it just that you never get any serious questions?
A: well, that all depends - R U BEING SRS?

Q: Which Kiss brother do you think is cuter - Jimmy or Joey?
A: JOHNNY

Q: I've been seeing Joey Kiss roaming around Cielo lately; does this mean you finally moved him into the Love Shack?
A: yes but don't tell his big brother - JIMMY WILL TAKE TWO SHITS AND DIE

Q: Can we bang? Like no joke - dead up.
A: SURPRISE ME

Q: I would die if I met you! The first time I saw you, you were topless and flipping off a crowd of people. Then you sort of passed out on the stairs on your way down.
A: TYPICAL DOLL

that's my girl! topless one second and unconscious the next.

this is the best photograph of jimmy kiss....ever

jimmy kiss, the wet mop

jimmy kiss isn't getting the hint. ever since the doll dumped his ass for loyal, she asked him to kindly pack up and leave...only he won't pack up and leave. today, headlock had to put his things out on the curb of kathleen's 10050 lonesome lane home. then, when jimmy realized what was up, he casually tried to slink off to the riot house, where he was then casually denied room and board. he thinks he's slick!

there was no confirmation, however, as to if jimmy used the line, "don't you know who i am?" too bad, he should have tried it. riot house staff could have then responded, "yes, we do! and that's the problem." then again, they could have also said, "no, we don't! and that's the way it's staying." shit, why not try them both?

speaking of flophouses, kathleen might be joining jimmy soon - word on the street has it that kathleen is as broke as a joke. and no, it's not going up her nose - insiders say that she's footing the bill for the freak fest and hasn't an extra penny to her name. if you ask me, that's a crock of shit. she's got partners and backers just like everybody else. for, if it comes down to the doll choosing between her festival or her foilies - foilies wins every time.

mary, mary, quite contrary

to popular belief, kathleen and jimmy kiss are not knocking boots anymore

are you kidding me?? even though kathleen dumped maynard b. 'kraut like a hot bag of stones, attached herself to jimmy's lips and allowed him to move his garbage back into the love shack - that doesn't mean that the two kisses are doing the shaky horizontal bone shuffle.
outside of the 10050 today, one of the flashers went to extremes to get the beautiful one's attention, by yelling, "is it true that you're pregnant with jimmy's baby?"

well, after the doll took a mental note of what the flasher looked like and which dark alley she was going to meet him down later, she yelled back, "pregnant? and just what gave you that idea?"

the flasher then asked, "aren't you back with kiss?"

kathleen then responded, without missing a beat, "when it comes to kiss and i, it's been real and it's been fun - but it hasn't been real fun." HUH. WHAT.

now, don't get me wrong - any day kathleen and jimmy call it quits should be made a global holiday, but i don't think that really applies here. they've been doing this dance for years now and until i see some tears, blood and squad cars out front of the 10050 - i'm not buying it.
jimmy, of course, took off on his 'no, we really are in love' tour, but the damage was done. besides, everyone knows he walks on eggshells around the doll - she writes his checks and he's in for the long haul.

the beautiful one goes to nutball land

accidentally stabs mate on the way there

it was kathleen who put in a frantic telephone call to cielo police last night, informing officers that they needed to send an ambulance straightaway, after she stabbed her mate "on accident." yet, today, she laughed the fence off and told them that, "the knife slipped away from me."

her friend, real name unknown - nickname 'loyal' - recently began working at the riot house, thanks to kat, as a bartender. he also runs with the greasy underground rough-and-tumble gang, the lost boys. the lost boys are in town to work with the doll - they currently have a gig every tuesday night at the riot house.

now, loyal was invited to the 10050 love shack last night for the free blow and a "small get-together between close friends," but ended up being kathleen's latest victim! don't worry, though - loyal won't be pressing charges anytime soon; for, this morning, fresh from the hospital, with his arm draped around the doll's shoulders - he asked the timeless question, "how could you be mad with a girl so beautiful?"

so, the story supposedly goes, kathleen had a few too many speedballs - just kidding - it was too many whiskey sours and she was fooling around with her knife, when loyal gives her the go-ahead to "playfully" stab him. bad move, loyal. clearly he wanted to die.

moving right along - kathleen stabs him. she told the fuzz that she didn't cut him deep and she made sure that she got him in the side, "the safest place to knife someone." earth to doll, there is no safe place to knife someone! i know you have major experience with knives, but i didn't fall off the back of the turnip truck yesterday - you're not fooling me.

naturally, loyal had his own knife and the pair continued their dangerous game for about twenty minutes or so. the doll stopped to take a break and headed to the main house for a drink - this is when guests found him on the lawn, in a pool of blood, completely unconscious. and this is why i never go to any of her parties! coke and knives - sounds like a blast. NOT!

all i have to say is - where was headlock during all of this? he used to drag kat's ass out of the bar by her hair and flush her blow down the john if she gave him any lip. nowadays, whenever she fucks up - he's nowhere in sight! or he basically tells the papers that he saw it coming. total bullshit, right?

like today, he told the front pages that, "she's had that knife for a long time - longer than i can remember. she used to carry it in a sheath on her hip. the first night i worked for her, she pulled it out and was playing with it in front of me. she asked, 'does this make you nervous?' she's tried to stab people more times than i can count on my fingers, so, honestly, this comes as no big surprise to me." see? totally sold her out on a dime.

the doll's new toy

kathleen has revealed to the fence that he has a new man in her life, now that she's sacked wet mop jimmy kiss. she has been snapped out numerous times with maynard b. alberkraut, her friend from arcadia who is currently working at the riot house in hotpants, dancing on tables. i don't believe it - the picture inside the doll's locket will always be of jimmy kiss.

their romance became official at the opening riot house bash last weekend - she showed up with 'kraut and kiss, although he was banned from attending, went stag.

maynard became close to kathleen after the 312 knifings and before long, was in her inner circle. he spent time holidaying in mulholland with the doll and recently, the two took a trip upstate, to the farmy monticello to purchase property for, well, it's a surprise. baby babble told the papers, "i can't tell you what it's for - it's a surprise! it's for me to know and you to find out." you know that's just doll code for : my drug dealing hub. just you wait. in a couple of months, there's going to be a big drug bust in monticello. believe!

people close to her - aka sodapop - told the papers that the two get along like a house on fire and that kathleen thinks he's the perfect gentleman. well, of course she would! jimmy kiss was the imperfect gentleman. after seeing how kiss behaves, i'm convinced that he was either raised by wolves or savages. or both! his take on life is totally warped. come to think of it, it's just jimmy that's warped.

if you ask me, maynard b. alberkraut is a total bore. aside from being ticketed for minor in possession of tobacco - when he was sixteen - curfew and parking on the wrong side of the street, he's a snooze! for a while, everyone thought that he was the doll's new drug dealer, but after sizing him up - i highly doubt that.

'kraut makes me yawn! there's not a wild bone in his body. i mean, shit, in high school, jimmy kiss knocked up a cheerleader and she broke his heart by getting an abortion, so he brought a gun to school and the rest is history! i don't like jokes so i'm not even kidding. oh and p.s. - he was star of the football team. can you imagine? kiss doesn't have the lung capacity to go up and down the stairs, let alone a field! i suspect the doll had something to do with the write-up of his 'official' - officially bullshit, maybe - autobiography page on the world wide web. kiss was born in the gutter and he will die in the gutter. and you know that kathleen didn't attend high school because she didn't need to - she was born a genius. she was also born blonde, so don't get it twisted.

in other doll news, the beautiful one confessed that she has plans to take her family of freaks on tour - "we've received a warm welcome from the crowds in arcadia and mulholland, not to mention right here in the valley; we're gearing up right now for a movement." gearing up is right on the money. gearing up with gear! she said, "so, look out your window - because we'll be coming to a town near you!"

yes, it has been a busy couple of weeks for the sunshine kid - from breaking up with longtime loverboy jimmy kiss, to all of her work with hep parade magazine, to opening the riot house, to shacking up with maynard - and now a tour announcement. b. alberkraut told the papers that he hopes she hasn't "piled too much on her plate." earth to maynard! first lesson : this girl doesn't eat! so, there should be no problems.

back to the garden

"kids are walking barefoot all over cielo" 

if you were to stand on any high road in the valley right now, you would see select packs of the doll's freaks roaming around - about thirty or so more than usual. they are filling up the downtown streets faster than the doll smokes a gram. no, jimmy kiss hasn't dropped dead from a broken heart yet and they're gathering for his funeral - kathleen has opened up her home to the pretty people. most of them arrived by train early this morning and, according to sodapop, they will continue arriving all summer. baby babble has reopened the revolving doors of her 10050 love shack and turned it into a campground for all the young lost kids of cielo, arcadia and mulholland. these are the kids who will totally be famous in a couple of years. the 10050 is like finishing school. sodapop said;

"dig it, this is the scene - we're getting together a bunch of flintstone kids, punkers, bikies, flower children, silver spooners and buskers and we're going to find out what happens when we all party together." 

i'll bet the neighbors are thrilled.

all of the beautiful one's freaky friends have already set up camp at her lonesome lane estate - and by that, i mean they've seriously set up camp there. tents are scattered throughout the three acre property; she's even had six yurts built on and below the hillside to house her pretty people. the bulk of the freaks consist of your usual poor-little-rich-kid artist types, booted out of their upscale homes and cast into the real world. lost and still a little wet behind the ears, it was only natural that they ended up at the doll's.

like i said before, she's already given maynard b. alberkraut and ludo ludovic the most important jobs at the riot house - wearing gold hotpants and dancing on tables - so the freaks will be fighting over the dregs. some will slave at the riot house and the others at hep parade. kathleen has already made it clear that if, "you don't work, you don't eat," so those that aren't working with her will be on their own. i foresee a run in the busking occupation of downtown cielo in the very near future.

that's about all i know - i'm packing my bindle stick on the quick and hopping the next train to cielo. i've got dream to be a freak and only the doll can make that a reality!

kathleen to jimmy : "go away, bad dream"

no-good, do-nothing kiss hits the pavement

don't. get. me. started. word around the campfire is that kathleen has thrown jimmy out on front street and told him to never look back.

"kat and kiss are over," is what sodapop told the press this afternoon, as he set all of jimmy's shit on the curb. all of his shit meaning three trilbies, a pair of winklepicker boots, some black denim jeans and a bottle of jack.

you know, i bet the doll loves all the people she surrounds herself with; they are good for all sorts of things - like ratting her out to the fence! sodapop and trotsky were stopped outside of kathleen's love shack after kiss got the royal boot and that's when they started saying shit worthy of a good eye-roll.

they said the kisses' love is dead and that the doll was only keeping up with the charade, because she knows jimmy has no money and no where to go. she was hoping that cielo would bring them closer, but no such luck. trotsky also added, "he looks like death," much to no one's surprise.

evidently, kiss knew something was wrong when he showed up yesterday and his security code wouldn't grant him access through the gates. the best thing is, he just turned heel and immediately got a room at the flophouse hotel - which i'm pretty sure has foilies on demand through room service - and started boozing it up. so, naturally, when the flashers talked to him outside today about the breakup, he wiped away the alligator tears with a dirty paw and said, "we're not over - we're on a time-out." no, jimmy, you got dumped. it's nice to hear that you still have your sense of humor, though.

in other kiss news, he got a new job. he now works concrete - he and the streets are becoming one, because those eight-balls won't buy themselves!

beau badman is missing the point

a restraining order means the same as "i love you" to him

everyone knows that the big, heart-shaped foilie that was the love between beau and kathleen has long since been smoked up. she wished him the best and kiss pretty much wrote his obituary. now that the remaining heir of the badman family fortune has plenty of time to focus on himself, the kisses are focusing on keeping the crazy out of their lives.

to start, kathleen and sodapop had trotsky drive them into the cielo valley to obtain a restraining order against beau. apparently, he has been trying to get into her 10050 love shack every night now and has even taken to following trotsky and sodapop when they leave.
she said, "when i first met him, i was at the l'amour bar and he came in from the rain. he told me he had no where else to go and so i told him i'd take him in - for one night. that night turned into months. and that's the story of beau goodman."

in recent times, it’s fair to say that the kisses have been friendly towards beau. he was occasionally invited to stay over and kathleen even helped him get a small gig with hep parade magazine. according to trotsky; "when jimmy left for mulholland, beau started to come over more often and it seemed he and kathleen had worked things out. then, a couple weeks later - she asked me to change the locks."

wow, she must really be serious this time if she went and changed the locks and everything! i mean, this isn't her first time dealing with psychos who have nothing better to do than find ways to break in, so i'm sort of surprised she didn't give headlock the go-ahead to take a sniper position on the roof or something. changing the locks won't do shit!

kathleen added, in a really dramatic voice, outside of her house that beau would not be invited to the doll's reopening of the 312 human slaughterhouse taking place in a couple of weeks. all of her real friends were invited to arcadia to pay their respects and help kathleen lock up the house until they're "damn good and ready to open it again." good! lock up the haunted house and throw away the key! that place is like an indian burial ground now.

kathleen doesn't need a restraining order - she could just wear a bar of soap on a string around her neck at all times to steer clear of the badman.