more junior high shit

dollface makes kiss cry, he leaves her; she says "sorry"

there is something going seriously wrong with the world if the doll is apologizing to a kiss, but i got that correct. now, remember how a couple of days ago, the two got in a knock-down-and-drag-out fight because the doll wanted to take speedballs until her eyes stopped, dropped and rolled in the back of her head? sure you do. well, that same night, the young kiss packed up his makeup and curlers and said, "see ya!" to kathleen. he was planning on forgetting all about her, until kathleen did the unthinkable and asked forgiveness of him. word has it that the row started because joey doesn't approve of kathleen taking drugs and caught her red-handed trying to score some off her dealer. busted! in her defense, joey should have known what noose he was slipping over his head - no one tells kathleen what to do and lives to tell the tale!

well, no one except joey apparently. the doll tracked him down at - surprise, surprise - the flophouse with big brother jimmy and presented him with a heartfelt "sorry." joey took one look at jimmy and then a quick glance around his flophouse room and said to kathleen, "apology accepted - let's hid the road, babe!" the two have been together ever since and probably will be for a couple more days until the next disagreement.

i mean - and i'm not saying that world war kat will surely be waged again - let's just hope that is there is a next time, joey will handle it a little better. he could stand to learn a thing or two from his brother - jimmy took his doll-approved beatings like a champ.

and, if joey kiss thinks that he'll be the one to change the beautiful one, he can save it! some say he's even dropped the dreaded 'r' word to katty cakes! don't even make me laugh - she'll go to rehab when pigs sprout wings and make a sty out of the clouds.

the freak fest : day two

day two sees mud pits, water hoses and rotten punks razored

the lead singer and other members of the controversial lost boys group were ambushed by a razor and knife-wielding gang backstage last night, after they wrapped their set. sodapop cola couldn't help himself and made a quick statement to the fence - he said that the boys were jumped by the notoriously nasty motorcycle gang, the hell boys.

after a half an hour wait in the medical tent, it was announced that none of the injuries sustained were lethal, but they were all serious. the boys received stitches in assorted locations; rocko suffered from deep facial cuts, loyal had received blows to the head and was mildly concussed and eddie spaghetti bruised a couple ribs. there are fears that the attack was part of a backlash against the lost boys and other dangerous trainhopping gangs, but i wouldn't be surprised if it was just a pissed off concert-goer! imagine this : you shell out £269 for a three-day ticket, only to find that the food and drink prices are outrageous and because of this, everyone is stealing from everyone - not to mention the overcrowding, sweltering heat and insufficient toilets - i'm surprised people aren't roosting! for example, today, after a forty-five minute wait in line, attendees decided to break apart the main pipes that provide water, to douse the rest of those suffering in the middle of the line - this in turn caused the creation of large mud pits.

the medical tents were packed, following an afternoon of crowd violence from the stirred-up freaks. you have the loudmouths and injustice to thank for that - the bands were encouraging kids to be as bad and mean as they possibly could. they taunted festival-goers with such things as, "let's see how many of you can get naked by the end of this song!" and, "this is the freak fest, come on - do something stupid!" it worked and there were many injuries. the unruliness began again when the lost boys took the stage at half-ten - crowds were stirred with their dark and dirty live show; their lionized, illuminated cross pulsing in the dark night.

on a more positive note, there weren't as many complaints about the heat yesterday - kathleen sent workers into town to purchase hoses for which to spray the exhausted audience with. there have been some reports of looting and at least three drug arrests, but the doll's people affirm, "that's to be expected." you know, these promoters aren't the brightest bulbs - there's about seven hundred thousand more kids than there are suits at this festival - if the people rebel, it doesn't really matter who you are.

with that being said, here's the lineup for yesterday, july 14 :

east stage
1:00 - 2:15 PM : the little darlings
2:30 - 4:15 PM : the loudmouths
4:25 PM - 5:25 PM : the liver-spots
5:45 PM - 7:15 PM : the lovelies
7:30 - 8:45 PM : the likely lads
9:05 - 10:05 PM : the lollygaggers
10:30 PM - 12:00 AM : the lost boys

west stage;
1 - 1:45 PM : hoes on tour
2:05 - 3:20 PM : injustice
3:40 - 4:40 PM : jiggy with it
5 - 6 PM : kraut
6:20 - 7:35 PM : loud ones
7:55 - 9:10 : mellow yellow
9:30 - 10:45 PM : nightcrawlers

in all, the worst part of today came when the lost boys say their measly lives flash in front of their eyes. the best part of today? during a brief press conference, headlock told the flashers (who have been banned from the event) that, "kathleen misbehaved on the first night and it really broke my heart. she was throwing her knife at people and threatened to impale one of the kids from the gorkholes. i had to take the knife off her backstage." you know, whoever thought it would be a good idea to host a festival and invite a bunch of flower children and lost boys and freaks and pretty people and junkies and gypsies and bikies and punks was totally right on the money. this shit couldn't get any worse!

the beautiful one goes to nutball land

accidentally stabs mate on the way there

it was kathleen who put in a frantic telephone call to cielo police last night, informing officers that they needed to send an ambulance straightaway, after she stabbed her mate "on accident." yet, today, she laughed the fence off and told them that, "the knife slipped away from me."

her friend, real name unknown - nickname 'loyal' - recently began working at the riot house, thanks to kat, as a bartender. he also runs with the greasy underground rough-and-tumble gang, the lost boys. the lost boys are in town to work with the doll - they currently have a gig every tuesday night at the riot house.

now, loyal was invited to the 10050 love shack last night for the free blow and a "small get-together between close friends," but ended up being kathleen's latest victim! don't worry, though - loyal won't be pressing charges anytime soon; for, this morning, fresh from the hospital, with his arm draped around the doll's shoulders - he asked the timeless question, "how could you be mad with a girl so beautiful?"

so, the story supposedly goes, kathleen had a few too many speedballs - just kidding - it was too many whiskey sours and she was fooling around with her knife, when loyal gives her the go-ahead to "playfully" stab him. bad move, loyal. clearly he wanted to die.

moving right along - kathleen stabs him. she told the fuzz that she didn't cut him deep and she made sure that she got him in the side, "the safest place to knife someone." earth to doll, there is no safe place to knife someone! i know you have major experience with knives, but i didn't fall off the back of the turnip truck yesterday - you're not fooling me.

naturally, loyal had his own knife and the pair continued their dangerous game for about twenty minutes or so. the doll stopped to take a break and headed to the main house for a drink - this is when guests found him on the lawn, in a pool of blood, completely unconscious. and this is why i never go to any of her parties! coke and knives - sounds like a blast. NOT!

all i have to say is - where was headlock during all of this? he used to drag kat's ass out of the bar by her hair and flush her blow down the john if she gave him any lip. nowadays, whenever she fucks up - he's nowhere in sight! or he basically tells the papers that he saw it coming. total bullshit, right?

like today, he told the front pages that, "she's had that knife for a long time - longer than i can remember. she used to carry it in a sheath on her hip. the first night i worked for her, she pulled it out and was playing with it in front of me. she asked, 'does this make you nervous?' she's tried to stab people more times than i can count on my fingers, so, honestly, this comes as no big surprise to me." see? totally sold her out on a dime.

it's dollface - enough said

katty cakes beats heroin snots out of beau badman, tells fuzz "i didn't know i couldn't do that" - the laughs can still be heard echoing in space

i'm absolutely positive now that kathleen was absent on the day they taught "treat others how you would like to be treated" in kindergarten - unless, of course, she does like to have her face smashed into the pavement on a regular basis - because i am tired of having to write about the doll stomping some ass! shit's ridiculous.

last night began normally - the doll was hitting the sauce at the l'amour bar and restaurant like usual with jimmy, when she stepped outside for a smoke. okay, she, jimmy, trotsky and anyone else who wanted to come, stepped outside for a doobie break. kathleen was busy hotboxing the gravedigger, when sodapop knocked on the window and warned her that beau badman was in the house. notes from fuzz on the scene state that the fight started when beau approached the gravedigger. it was on! kathleen pushed jimmy out of the car and began to lay the smackdown on beau. by the time she finished, there was blood all over the car, her dress and the concrete. the report went on to say that she slammed his head into a window and hit him until sodapop and jimmy could peel her off. i'm sure somewhere in there it also mentioned how she was chasing the dragon during all of this. she's like an octopus - she can beat beau badman with one hand, shovel snow up her nose with another and write down ideas for her next book, all while smoking a cigarette.

as she was being hauled off in the paddywagon, she howled her world-renowned line, "if i ever see you again, you're dead!" only, i seriously doubt that because he was arrested also for...well, for being beau badman. and, like usual, as soon as beau was in custody - he started singing like a canary! he told the officers that this wasn't his first time riding the doll beatdown rollercoaster with no safety bar and that he feared for his life. i would too - no one fucks with jimmy's wallet aka kat. all she had to say was, "i'm sorry, officer, i didn't know i couldn't do that." the handcuffs dissolved instantly into a pile of glitter and the doll was free!

outside of her skid row palace this morning, she hushed the naysayers with, "i don't know if you've ever mixed heroin and cocaine before..." no, she didn't, but you know she wanted to!