HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

i have no doubt that trotsky is going cartwheels in his grave right now. he was the doll's sidekick and doubled as her ultra-femme advisor; and as her advisor, i know he would have advised her in the opposite direction, especially if it was anything that included the words 'jimmy kiss' and 'permanent' in the sentence.

if you ask me, this come as a total sucker punch to my windpipe; i mean, i had heard around the campfire that kathleen and joey were having some issues - i suspected it was because of jimmy rubbing his second rate, wannabe doll girlfriend in kat's face - but she has got to be fucking kidding me with this tattoo shit!

the fence reported that the pretty people club luminary wandered onto the arcadian high road last night and waltzed into the first tattoo shop that she could see. the artists inside refused to tattoo her, as she was blackout drunk - a result of logging some important hours at the club de luxe with drinking pal and lost boy rocko j. nasty - so, she began throwing money at them until they ultimately agreed to ink her. okay, i'm lying - she flashed them until they ultimately agreed to ink her with what will now be known as the dumbest tattoo......ever.

joey was blindsided by the news - just like me - but still pretty pleased with himself that he's since kicked the doll to the curb; and he let the whole world know about it. the young kiss must have been taking lessons from captain loose lips himself, sodapop, because he told the fence that the doll screws with his head on a regular basis and that her shitty choice of a tattoo isn't the first time that she's intentionally done something to hurt his feelings. joey revealed that a little over two months ago - while jimmy was still haunting the 10050 - he woke up late in the doll's bed, only to realize that kathleen had disappeared! fearing the worst, he reached for his trusty shotgun - WTF? - and began to search the house. it was upon stumbling into the guest bedroom - where jimmy was rooming - that joey discovered his brother and kathleen locked in a steamy conversation and gazing deeply into each other's eyes. they also may or may not have been sharing a bottle of wine. feeling like his heart had been smashed into a hundred little pieces with a sledgehammer; you know joey stared long and hard at that shotgun before he put it away. he claims that he now considers the memory a bygone one, but i say he's full of it - i'll bet joey's voice was breaking the entire time he was participating in his own open-air therapy session with the press. he's a kiss - this he cannot change - being a wet mop is in their blood, it's as simple as this.

okay, i think i should switch back to making fun of the doll right now. i'll put it this way, unless she's trying to put some kind of witchy spell on jimmy via tattooing his own name on her flesh - i'm not interested. that shit just howls : laser removal, big mistake and wrong.

wild honeypie answers her fanmail

and it's a wonder she even has any fans at all!

because summer is right around the corner, i naturally assumed that the doll would be gearing up for the season by burying herself in a bottle of booze - but i would be wrong! instead of speedballing speedballs, kat's been at her hep parade office every. goddamn. day. i don't even like jokes, so i'm not kidding. she's supposed to be writing her book, so you know she's doing everything but.

instead, she's been working her fingers to the bone.....answering her fanmail. and from the sounds of it, she's not going to have many followers left once they read her replies.
i shit you not - katty cakes is a straight up bitch!

Q: Why do you do the things you do?
A: fais rentrer les euros

Q: What's your favorite thing about the 312?
A: the fact that you can't come there!

Q: Yeah? I'm glad I'm not there, loser!
A: me too. I AM A LOSER. i hope the tears pouring down my face short-circuit the keyboard, so i never have to deal with garbage pails like you anymore!

Q: How long is Jimmy's penis?
A: "well, how long's a piece of string?"

Q: Where's the strangest place you've ever had sex with Jimmy?
A: UNDER YOUR BED

Q: Who is Cool Breeze?
A: someone i blowed and did blow with

Q: Why cocaine?
A: because heroin was more expensive that go-around

Q: Why heroin?
A: why not? who is this - HEADLOCK?

Q: What is your new book about?
A: daisy chains, the devil and big, black leather boots, whips and denim jackets - pink lipstick and tattoos

Q: Is Jimmy Jewish?
A: well, he is circumcised if that's what you're angling at

Q: How come you get away with everything you do?
A: if you had as much money as i do, you could get away with anything too

Q: Besides, "Baby Babble," does Jimmy have any other pet names for you?
A: WILD HONEYPIE

Q: What do you call him?
A: MUD - my little spoonful of sugar

Q: Do you love Jimmy?
A: I DON'T LOVE

Q: What is Jimmy's favorite thing that you make him?
A: it's called "IT'S A SURPRISE" and i make it for him every night

Q: Who makes more money - you or Jimmy?
A: jimmy baked the bread and i brought home the bacon

Q: Those close to you say that what is reported in the newspapers is completely false and that the articles printed in the magazines are dead on - but all the things printed in the papers mostly come from Sodapop's mouth - so, which is it?
A: LOL - who said they were close to me?

Q: Is Sodapop your real brother?
A: no, he was adopted as a baby. don't tell him, though, it'd break his little heart.

Q: What's the most drug-riddled club in Arcadia on a Saturday night?
A: 312 SKID ROW, ARCADIA - but don't come, because you're not invited

after reading this, i've come to the conclusion that kathleen needs better fans. now, with that out of the way - get back to work, doll! asses and elbows! ☺ isn't going to write itself!

beau badman is a cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater

last night, kathleen and jimmy were having one of their usual knock-down and drag-out crackhead fights about beau, when the doll decided to run away from kiss and go join the badman himself in a fog of cocaine dust once and for all. only problem was - when she showed up outside the tin shack he calls a home, she busted him red-handed getting busy with another girl! cue the waterworks.

she told sodapop that she saw him through the window and when she tried to the open the door to start the slaughter, it was locked. the windows must have also been bulletproof as well, because you know she came back with a loaded gun. so, she sucked up what guts she had left and stumbled home to save the homicide for another day.

.......just kidding! wild honeypie started banging on his door until he answered and then she beat him with a frightening-looking four-fingered ring that had an uncanny resemblance to brass knuckles. she fucked up his face, stomach, ribs and back. that's right, sister! you tell him. if he takes a sledgehammer to your heart in front of god and everybody - well, then you just take a sledgehammer to his face and send him the bill!

the girl beau was banging behind kat's back ran out the door and hasn't been heard from since. that's because kathleen and sodapop totally paid her a little visit and her new address is : in a hole, beneath your feet, the middle of nowhere.

now, when i first heard this news, i couldn't believe my eyeballs, but the doll is backing all of it. she said that, "beau goodman is a plague to arcadia and i will do all in my power to drag his name through the gutter at every opportunity i find. i simply cannot wait for him to die, so that i can spit and dance on his grave." no, she didn't say the last part, but i'm sure she is planning on it.

oh and the fuzz did come to beau's easy street home to calm the situation down, but didn't arrest kathleen, because she said beau put his hands on her initially. damn! she's getting better at dealing with the pigs. i know this isn't her first time at the french opera, but she has definitely learned from her last fifteen stints in jail. the officers immediately took their mean mugs off of the doll and settled them on beau. they tackled and arrested him faster than baby babble could squeal, "get him!"

i imagine she won't be pressing charges, though, since she's his #1 fan. she'll probably just let him dry out in the can for a couple of days to scare the shit out of him. i say she should leave beau to rot in there forever and do the world some good! he's with his kind now.