doll's baby daddy is a dick, fucker and an asshole

he now joins the clubs with all the others

during a press conference to announce the release date of the book she has seemingly been writing for 10 years, a reporter casually thought it would be a great time to ask kathleen how quetzy lux's baby daddy / doll enemy #1, joey kiss is doing.

baby babble snorted, "that asshole? joey is a dick and a fucker and is deader to me than my old dead housekeeper trotsky." LOL. she then spent the last 30 minutes of the junket talking about what a shitty dad to baby q he was and an even worse ex. ouch.

she said that he was constantly late to pick up and drop off his daughter and that each time, he is with a different woman. she also said that quetzy's diaper bag smells like booze and heroin. JK. that's just joey's natural musk.

joey kiss then responded in typical kiss fashion by saying that kathleen is nuts and pages him night and day. he said he has thought relentlessly about throwing his pager in the nearest garbage can every time the doll's number shows up, but can't, because, "she is the mother of my child and may need me someday."

need you? for what? a laugh?! she's probably only paging you because she has your number mixed up with one of her drug dealers! you should stick your head in a garbage can and wait for the next page, kiss.

bae's crazy ex goes crazy on the doll

ah, and just when everything was going so well! LOL - not. kathleen extended her stay in arcadia and right when she and bae baebel were just beginning to fall madly in cokey love circa the old days, he went and screwed it all up!

sodapop told papers that bae just got out of a ultra toxic relationship...with none other than argosy burns, star of kathleen's first film, shady lake, and daughter of baby babble's boss. of fucking course she is! cut the water and power, baby babble, this bitch has got to go! and it didn't take long for argosy to go stage 5 screw loose schizo - soda told papers that she has been ringing the house nonstop and paging the doll under various numbers and names, threatening to beat her up. just your your everyday basic white female syndrome shit. you know argosy is camped out of lisbon drive, sleeping in her car, stealing the doll's mail and probably trying to convince bae she is pregnant with his kid. this girl sounds on the level.

sadly, whatever hooks argosy has in bae have stuck, because he got word to doll to kindly fuck the fuck off and that he and argosy are going to give their relationship another shot. um, she didn't take it well.

first thing, she phoned argosy and said, "I IS YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE, THAT'S WHO I IS!!!" and then quickly added a brutal death sequence in shady lake in which argosy's character plummets to a pit of alligators and is eaten alive.

don't worry, doll, this isn't the last they've seen of you! they won't live long to tell the tale. not because you'll murder them, but because they are junkies slowly dying of lame needle drugs like people back in the 19_0s. don't get me wrong - i 'get' how some romanticize being a drug junkie during more "authentic" times, but not kathleen - she prefers smoking doobies and vibing out to the twilight zone on the reg.

the doll should totally ask for that £20 she lent bae back.

baby babble begs kiss to stay

kathleen is president of the broken hearts club

stay?? oh honnay que pena! he is long gone! and....am i on another planet in outer space right now huffing moon dust and eating supernova bites? because seriously, last time i checked, i thought she dumped him!!

word has come out today (from joey's camp of hobo friends, no less) that the doll has been begging joey to return to her. that dog should know to come when called!

anyways, it all began the other week with her famous love notes, and then continued when she invited him on a "friendly, casual, chill" dinner that quickly turned into an unfriendly, hella super awkward, very unchill night out on the isle of grimaldi, where the doll is currently looking to purchase a huge ass mansion to throw single lady parties in hopefully.

so the two had dinner last week, and this is when joey claims the doll really started to "lose it". sigh. he said after seeing each other in person for the first time since their breakup, she began leaving him crazy answerphone messages, saying that she made a big mistake and needed him to come home.

obvio mommy kat wants to settle down with her newborn, a husband, a golden retriever and own a house with white picket fences. how typical of her! yawn. bore. she should paint her house tie-dye, pierce her baby's nose, plant marijuana in the victory garden and make a tofurky for thanksgiving. she needs to keep it a little more cutting edge, this is the doll we're talking about.

is baby babble going batty?

doll writes joey love notes

the press is having a field day poking fun at heartbroken doll - they "discovered" (and by discovered, i mean they carefully picked through a trashcan) several love notes left for joey outside of the hovel he is currently calling home.

ummm did i miss something? why is the beautiful one writing joey anything except for a bill for all the valuable time she wasted with him?!

one reads :

you're my joey - you'll always be my joey. i'll always love you baby. don't ever fucking question that.

*gulps* i totally see them getting back together in 4, 3, 2.......

another love notes reads like lyrics from a 1970s song :

do you remember when we first met? that's the day i knew you were my pet.

but my favorite reads :

you'll always be my baby baby baby, don't ever forget me.

doll, are you drunk? he couldn't forget you even if he got a lobotomy! first of all, you've been together for like 5 years and you two are having a child together, remember?! OMG, you really need to stop with the drama.

besides, shouldn't joey be racking whatever brain cells he has left for ways to get baby babble back? and if he can't come up with any ideas, he surely should ask his brother jimmy - it hasn't been long since those 2 split, maybe he remembers a shortcut into getting back to the doll's good graces.

.....or not! i say let them do whatever it is those two want to do. if they want to hug and kiss it out - fine - and if later kathleen wants to blame it all on mercury retrograde - so be it.

doll sends "hunny i don't love you anymore" heartbreak page to joey

like something out of a soap opera - the doll and joey have finally called it quits. details are still sketchy as to what exactly happened, but i am confident that kathleen's brother sodapop will be spilling soon.

whatever - who knows what happened and who cares - the beautiful one dumped another kiss like a hot bag of rocks and she is free once again! knowing her, though, she probably has 16 other boyfriends waiting in the wing, but i am sure she is holding out for holzy's heart.....so she can break it LOL!

with all this free time on her hands, the doll can do all of the things she's been missing out on, like flirting with boys, staying up past her bedtime watching WWII documentaries, singing loudly during bubble baths and eating brazillian bon bons all day. sigh, to be single....

life's a beach - kat tells joey to "pound sand"

and also "piss up a rope"

earlier, kathleen and joey get in a knockdown dragout fight reminiscent of their more cokey days and it ended in the two going their separate ways for the night. kathleen was seen being dropped off at nearby hans von holzy's house by headlock via gravedigger and joey hoofed it to the riot house to book a suite. sodapop has the house to himself? party at the doll's! BYOB!
naturally, sodapop was lonely and quick to call all the press in his phonebook to spill every last bean about the row. long story short? he said that their fight may or may not have had something to do with joey wanting to fire hans as director of shady lake because, um, i don't know, the doll has a big boner for him?
and she must have a built-in amplifier, because neighbors claimed they could hear the two fighting from down the block. from the sounds of it, hans is getting a little too close to the beautiful pregnant one and it's causing a rift between the famous couple. and now, with only a couple month to go until baby blastoff, those two are fighting? say it ain't so!
they will always be the world's #1 couple and hans isn't going to change that! do the right thing, doll, and go back to joey and pretend it was all a bad dream! just like beau badman.

doll unplugged

living with music produce extraordinaire joey kiss must have rubbed off on the doll, because she hosted a sold out, one night only acoustic guitar gig last night at her riot house in arcadia with the lost boys loyal, eddie spaghetti and freddy the freeloader, with proceeds benefiting rocko j. nasty's family. it was aired live on late night television to over a million viewers.

she played only 1970s soul covers and had joey kiss on backup vocals. aw. the stage was dotted with lilies, orchids, black candles, heavy wine colored drapery and a giant gothic crystal chandelier, almost like that of a funeral.

the last song played was dedicated to the late rocko and it was the lost boys' own punk rock rendition of childhood favorite, "a cowboy needs a horse." sad.

but still, the doll knows how to put on a show! she really cast a spell on the audience, if you know what i mean - even though her voice sounds like someone swinging a cat around their head...

rocko j. nasty goes to rock 'n' roll heaven

R.I.P.

famous lost boy, doll buddy and train hopping aficionado passed away today in a cielan hospital. he fell into a coma days after a skiing accident earlier this week.

kathleen told reporters outside that respect should be given to rocko and his family and that they needed to GTFO of her face quick, before she swings! joey told papers that rocko was a "visionary" and that his unreleased material will be worth millions overnight. he then blamed big record industries for their involvement with kiss' produced lost boys' album L3 M30W, and that rocko should have been credited with most of the success.

now, joey didn't say this, but according to the history books, most would think of joey as being the brains behind the album, and even if they didn't remember that, one would definitely remember joey's suicide attempt mere weeks after the album release. rocko was also apart of the infamous freak fest in 2k12.

R.I.P. you will be missed rocko - there will never be a tuff, train-hopping, motorcycle jacket wearing greasy punk like you.