welcome quetzy lux

it's a glorious day for the makers of blonde hair dye for babies and for drama queens who need some inspiration, because yesterday in a glamorous birthing suite in a hospital in arcadia somewhere, a baby was evacuated from the doll's body to the sounds of angels in heaven singing harmoniously.

what a proud moment for baby daddy joey...NOT! sodapop told the throng of reporters outside that as soon as his sister set sights on joey, she picked up her bedside phone and told the nurse to call security, because there was a "strange man" she didn't know in her room. LOL, she would. joey is a strange man.

on his way out of the hospital, joey caught up with the fence and basically said everything is alleged, because, "there are no stones being thrown her way. the devil is in full effect at all times. god is the way." LOL and then god said, "...um, i don't know him."

but honestly, nobody really cares. the only detail any of us really care about is THE NAME!!!! and allow me to introduce :

quetzalith lux büüski honeyblossum zarathustra kiss

...or you know, "Q" for short, or quetzy lux.

let's be real, i think the doll threw a bunch of scrabble letters in a lottery machine and this is what came out. the doll should have really paid tribute to her real loves by naming her daughter ballet slipper cocaine candy kiss, but oh well....

welcome baby Q!

bae gets hemmed up

wears "i love dope" shirt, gets busted for you know where this is going.....

in cokey behavior typical of the doll via 3 years ago, bae just joined the long list of lames - which includes former baby babble heartbreaks beau badman, joey and jimmy kiss and maynard alberkraut - whose address reads : inmate #equis, cellblock 67, c/o the pokey, downtown arcadia.

all i can say is mr. baebel takes one glamorous mugshot and delivers the good people of arcadia some bad boy realness, while throwing a glazed-look that either says "i just got done crying in the back of the paddywagon" or, "can we hurry this shit up? there's an 8-ball out there just calling my name" and wearing a throwback track jacket that tells me he definitely hit a lick on an emo hipster teenager before he got to the police station. beat that camera with your eyes, bae.

naturally argosy dropped everything she was doing - crackpipe - and ran to downtown to throw rocks at bae's window and flash him from the street below.

and it looks like she'll have all the time in the world - sodapop told reporters that, despite argosy's lame attempts to auction her soul off, she will no longer be working on the shady lake set. DUH! you don't have to be stephen hawking to figure that one out.

i'll bet the laughs could be heard bouncing off the canyons the day she showed up to the set! the doll probably pointed to the dumpster and said, "go back to where you came from."

bae's crazy ex goes crazy on the doll

ah, and just when everything was going so well! LOL - not. kathleen extended her stay in arcadia and right when she and bae baebel were just beginning to fall madly in cokey love circa the old days, he went and screwed it all up!

sodapop told papers that bae just got out of a ultra toxic relationship...with none other than argosy burns, star of kathleen's first film, shady lake, and daughter of baby babble's boss. of fucking course she is! cut the water and power, baby babble, this bitch has got to go! and it didn't take long for argosy to go stage 5 screw loose schizo - soda told papers that she has been ringing the house nonstop and paging the doll under various numbers and names, threatening to beat her up. just your your everyday basic white female syndrome shit. you know argosy is camped out of lisbon drive, sleeping in her car, stealing the doll's mail and probably trying to convince bae she is pregnant with his kid. this girl sounds on the level.

sadly, whatever hooks argosy has in bae have stuck, because he got word to doll to kindly fuck the fuck off and that he and argosy are going to give their relationship another shot. um, she didn't take it well.

first thing, she phoned argosy and said, "I IS YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE, THAT'S WHO I IS!!!" and then quickly added a brutal death sequence in shady lake in which argosy's character plummets to a pit of alligators and is eaten alive.

don't worry, doll, this isn't the last they've seen of you! they won't live long to tell the tale. not because you'll murder them, but because they are junkies slowly dying of lame needle drugs like people back in the 19_0s. don't get me wrong - i 'get' how some romanticize being a drug junkie during more "authentic" times, but not kathleen - she prefers smoking doobies and vibing out to the twilight zone on the reg.

the doll should totally ask for that £20 she lent bae back.

baby babble gets bae'd up

has best movie date ever

bae baebel may have lived in arcadia his entire life, but the doll just took note!

after the sad, broken remains of whatever the doll and joey had turned to rust, crumbled and went back where it came from, kathleen is finally over kiss.

enter bae : wild indian, curly-hair, shamanistic qualities, but still a little bit of a thug - basically everything wet mop kiss was not. what the doll might call a "real man." key word : MIGHT.

and the way his gangster is set up - bae had already organized a super cool cokey drug deal at the movie theatre. on top of that, he paid with gift cards and brought in a plastic grocery bag of liquor and assorted drugs and sundries, not giving 2 fucks about the security and also not giving 2 fucks about embarrassing pobrecita baby babble who has more than enough petty cash to cover tickets, 2 cocktails and some candy, but, um...do your thing bae...it's cute that you're trying. besides, as high and mighty his ass might be - you know he totally asked the doll to bum £20 on their way out. he just seems the type and kathleen can't resist.

before the movie began, the two had to use the bathroom and after the doll waited 15+ minutes - aka forever in her time - she went in alone, probably wondering WTF bae was up to...who knows? enter bae again : within seconds of sitting down, he cracked open two beers, kicked his feet up on a seat and took a phone call. i am sure the people in the movie theatre were like, um, plz let these people be struck dead by lightening right now...i know i would be.

and then the drug deal! bae dipped off, leaving kathleen by herself again, and came back moments later. the doll didn't fall off the back of the turnip truck yesterday - she asked if he was still holding. um, hunny, this is bae we're talking about - if he wasn't holding, you wouldn't have the right person.

she then demanded, princess style, that he take the rest of the drugs. and she sure as shit didn't have to tell him twice! he left to snort lines in the bathroom, came back and 15 minutes later the movie was over. best. date. ever.

jk, worst date ever.

joey leaves sad, crazy answerphone message for holzy

released early this morning via the internet via heartbreak, joey left a super threatening message to holzy about the doll and how he will "teach him a lesson he'll never forget."

the message was left late last night for holzy and it's been a couple weeks since the big breakup, so this is completely predictable behavior of any upset kiss...

joey said that the doll is "slipping" and needs to "tighten up"; says he should have kept a better eye on her, also, "you niggas is all the same and none of these ladies loyal..."

at one point, probably in a drunken, cokey daze, joey thought he was on the radio and would exclaim, "are we live? am i live right now?" and proceed to brag that, "i have 6 rolls royces parked outside right now. i'll throw anyone the keys to the ghost and hop in the cadillac truck and come find you." um, too bad every single one of those cars are in the doll's name, LOL!

at the end of the message, joey got sentimental and said, "once she has the baby, it's over and you know it." as to what will be over, who knows? joey is nuts obvi. he then capped it up with revoking the doll-issued godfather-ship from holzy, and said, "i never want you near my child." um, if it even is his child........*gulps*

happy new year!

time to toast! grab your champagne glass! 

may it be a year full of happiness, babies and weddings. hopefully all of the cocaine, heroin, booze, needles, devil worshiping, exhaustion, ciggies, pills, drunk driving, suicide attempts, etc, etc. will be left in the past! 2014 doesn't need the drama.

also, could we leave jimmy in the past too? just him being alive and breathing spins rumors that he and the doll are still together! and we already have enough trouble with sexy von holzy!

in other doll news, photographers were quick to snap photos of kathleen drinking what appeared to be champagne, even though she promised, crossed her heart and hoped to die that there was only apple juice in her flute. and you know what? i believe her!