bae gets hemmed up

wears "i love dope" shirt, gets busted for you know where this is going.....

in cokey behavior typical of the doll via 3 years ago, bae just joined the long list of lames - which includes former baby babble heartbreaks beau badman, joey and jimmy kiss and maynard alberkraut - whose address reads : inmate #equis, cellblock 67, c/o the pokey, downtown arcadia.

all i can say is mr. baebel takes one glamorous mugshot and delivers the good people of arcadia some bad boy realness, while throwing a glazed-look that either says "i just got done crying in the back of the paddywagon" or, "can we hurry this shit up? there's an 8-ball out there just calling my name" and wearing a throwback track jacket that tells me he definitely hit a lick on an emo hipster teenager before he got to the police station. beat that camera with your eyes, bae.

naturally argosy dropped everything she was doing - crackpipe - and ran to downtown to throw rocks at bae's window and flash him from the street below.

and it looks like she'll have all the time in the world - sodapop told reporters that, despite argosy's lame attempts to auction her soul off, she will no longer be working on the shady lake set. DUH! you don't have to be stephen hawking to figure that one out.

i'll bet the laughs could be heard bouncing off the canyons the day she showed up to the set! the doll probably pointed to the dumpster and said, "go back to where you came from."

bae's crazy ex goes crazy on the doll

ah, and just when everything was going so well! LOL - not. kathleen extended her stay in arcadia and right when she and bae baebel were just beginning to fall madly in cokey love circa the old days, he went and screwed it all up!

sodapop told papers that bae just got out of a ultra toxic relationship...with none other than argosy burns, star of kathleen's first film, shady lake, and daughter of baby babble's boss. of fucking course she is! cut the water and power, baby babble, this bitch has got to go! and it didn't take long for argosy to go stage 5 screw loose schizo - soda told papers that she has been ringing the house nonstop and paging the doll under various numbers and names, threatening to beat her up. just your your everyday basic white female syndrome shit. you know argosy is camped out of lisbon drive, sleeping in her car, stealing the doll's mail and probably trying to convince bae she is pregnant with his kid. this girl sounds on the level.

sadly, whatever hooks argosy has in bae have stuck, because he got word to doll to kindly fuck the fuck off and that he and argosy are going to give their relationship another shot. um, she didn't take it well.

first thing, she phoned argosy and said, "I IS YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE, THAT'S WHO I IS!!!" and then quickly added a brutal death sequence in shady lake in which argosy's character plummets to a pit of alligators and is eaten alive.

don't worry, doll, this isn't the last they've seen of you! they won't live long to tell the tale. not because you'll murder them, but because they are junkies slowly dying of lame needle drugs like people back in the 19_0s. don't get me wrong - i 'get' how some romanticize being a drug junkie during more "authentic" times, but not kathleen - she prefers smoking doobies and vibing out to the twilight zone on the reg.

the doll should totally ask for that £20 she lent bae back.

kathleen to fans : "never kiss your dreams goodbye"

get it? kiss  your dreams goodbye!

who knows if she's talking about the original kiss : jimmy or his currently incarcerated, second-rate version little brother, joey. all i know is, she's answering fanmail again so that must mean either the fanmail is really piling up at the kisses and she can't take it anymore - or she is really trying to tell us something...

Q: What's the real story with you and Hans Von Holzhausen?
A: sounds like a german-austrian movie star
Q: What are you thinking right now?
A: i can't believe i am missing boy meets world for this!
Q: Do you have any secret admiriers?
A: shhh don't tell anyone....LOOSE LIPS SINK SHIPS....
Q: Is there anyone you are secretly admiring?
A: i get asked this all the time and although am as faithful as faithful gets; i do secretly admire from a distance
Q: With all the baby weight - are you going to be in the gym?
A: ROFL I LIFT WEIGHT BUT I DON'T SWEAT I GO 4 A SWIM BUT I DON'T GET WET
Q: What sign are you?
A: AQUEMINI - here we go aquarius, pisces, feel the flow of the fluid as i swim through it...
Q: Do you still talk to Jimmy Kiss?
A: always and forever - never kiss your dreams goodbye!
Q: How do you feel about Holzy?
A: MAGNET + STEEL; MAPOLEON AND MARIA COUNTESS WALEWSKA
Q: How does Joey feel about Holzy?
A: sees red, goes red; blacks out in a rage; throws things; throws a fit; has a panik
Q: How did Holzy get you hooked?
A: BITCHES LUV SMILEY FACES :) I LUV U HUNNY
Q: Do you take any medications?
A: cacidex pills twice a day and lupron shots
Q: Why go on a skate date with Holzy, when you knew it would get on Joey's nerves?
A: joey gets on my nerves - besides, holzy is cute and joey acts like his brother sometimes
Q: Why don't you have any friends that are women?
A: ladies is trouble - argosy is my type of woman, crazy/beautiful
Q: What names are you considering for the baby?
A: lux zarathustra.....or john joseph james kiss
Q: Is it hard to go out in public, what with all the weirdos that try to meet you, take pictures with you, etc.?
A:i am the realest fake person that there ever was - i'll sign anything, take pictures no makeup
Q: Where is your favorite place to get away?
A: grimaldi - b/c i can be a completely different person with a completely different name
Q: What are you doing right now?
A: sitting on my sofacouch, across from joey - who is passed out, dead, ZZZZz asleep - with the TV blaring. shuggie is the only person awake (it's 2:02 AM) and is in the kitchen. smells like......coffee. coffee and blueberry muffins? on the floor, wrapped in a nest of blankets and plush pillows, is sodapop. twilight zone is playing on the TV; rod sterling is in frame, smoking a cigarette. i need to take my fake eyelashes off. i am drinking a smoothie i just made of blueberries, strawberries and papaya nectar and i want a slice of angel food cake.
Q: Have you given up on finishing ❤?
A: NEVER THAT NEVER THAT - we're having the wrap party for ❤ soon, check your mail for invites.....JK!
Q: Do you miss having your nightly champagne cocktails now that you're pregnant?
A: who said i can't have a champagne cocktail? WUT R U - A COP?

wow. sounds like her valentine's day was super bien romantic. it's like i was just shot with cupid's arrow.

what's her age again?

happy birthday doll!

kiss spoils the expecting mother with a vintage car, perfect for her to kill herself in.

kathleen has been staying in cielo since rocko j. nasty's unfortunate demise, at her 10050 love shack, and decided to celebrate her birthday there as well. this year, she was presented with a red 1970s classic stingray as her birthday gift and, i know what you're thinking - joey might as well have handed her a gun! she needs to be driving in a military grade tank or nothing!

joey told the papers that he had planned for a big party in arcadia this year, at the riot house; however, after rocko's death, the couple quickly changed plans to cosmic charlie's to accommodate the shaken doll. joey then shipped the vintage stingray to cielo and invited mates loyal, headlock, shuggie, argosy, ludo ludovic, his sister gibby bastien, 30 of her close friends and whoever else they could find, but poor hans von holz hausen's invitation must have gotten lost in the mail! purposely by joey kiss that is, because his ass wasn't invited.

even kathleen's ex-boyfriend, maynard g. alberkraut was there. jimmy kiss was there. slimy beau badman was probably there too, but it was all in his head.