doll goes to big gay halloween ball at the riot house

takes joey kiss as her plus one, instead of an eight-ball like she probably wanted

and yes, joey does clean up quite well. i'm slowly working my way back into his corner.

kathleen arrived with a fleet of drag queens, did several interviews on the rainbow carpet about how gays will soon rule the earth and was basically the sparkly fairy of the night. she had several outfit changes, but my favorite look was the number she wore at the after-party. adjusting her halo and like she just stepped off a cloud from heaven, she donned a semi-sun, statue of liberty-esque golden crown. she wore a glittering skintight, flesh-colored dress with a goddess-like, indian-inspired ghoonghat atop her crown, draping down over her shoulders. 

1. kiss yet again looked like he had escaped live from the filming of grease 3 in full costume during the prom scene; but, it was working for him and i applaud his efforts. it is the second time in the history of joey kiss - the first being at the premiere of HEP! - where he looked 75% of decent and i'm very proud. however, i do believe that the reason behind that comes from his raggedy, gutter-inspired rags that he wore at the DIG! premiere and didn't want to be confused for a hobo again.

as for the benefit - it was not just an excuse to put on a costume and do drugs. tickets began at £1,000! there was also a silent auction going on in the beginning of the night, as well as a scholarship giveaway. in all, the event raised £250,000 and the funds will be divided among LGBT centers in arcadia, cielo and the isle of grimaldi.
during her last speech of the night, she thanked the LGBT community (duh) for being a large part of her life - hello! our girl's life is the gays. she has makeup artists, stylists, quetzy's nanny and basically every staff member at the riot house on her team, as well as countless other queens! she also described how she always felt more accepted by the gays than the straighties, which makes complete sense because straight men suck. straight males only utilize 2% of their pea brains. gays, trannies and lesbians are all known to be on the upper echelon of society's VIP list and you don't need to be stephen hawking to figure that one out!

in all, the doll can now fly a rainbow flag - not just her freak flag.

the doll's band to record first album

i know what you're thinking : the doll has a band? and the answer is yes, she does; and don't laugh, because she's probably going to strike punk rock gold.

resurrecting the riot grrrl era that kathleen - and most of her fanbase and target market - grew up in, our doll has recently taken a foray into the music industry; and with a beau like joey kiss, who can blame her? he has seen plenty of success with the indie-turned-label lost boys and those £20 baggies of heroin aren't buying themselves!! JK. 

this has all been industry buzz for months, but became official today when kathleen announced through an article in the pretty people club that she and her newly formed band, the prom queens, will begin recording at the end of the year for their first album. she was very clear that it will be all girls, no boys allowed and no, not even if they know the "secret password." and obviously the secret password is : doll, i'm holding...

she explained that the three other girls joining her will be from arcadia, cielo and grimaldi, respectively. kathleen also mentioned that she will be taking lead guitar and lead vocals (and lead drums, bass, keyboard, tambourine, french horn section...) and lest they have a death wish, shall no one try to upstage her!

all i'm thinking is : when did this bitch start taking guitar lessons? because i saw her at the freak fest and her shit wasn't even plugged in!
it was like the band just wanted her to feel special, so they handed her an acoustic guitar in front of half a million people. LOL. maybe that's all she needed to get the inspiration to record an album. maybe having joey kiss back in her pocket does too. who knows?! it's the doll! i can barely figure out my own thoughts, let alone what's going on in mind! 

joey trips over doll's eleganza

just tripping in general, really...

baby daddy kiss has always been a lumbering, clumsy clown and the other night, at the cielo-hosted music video awards, was no different.

after the two kisses left the arena, kathleen was still in her poofy real-life barbie gown and as they made their way to the car, joey tripped on her dress and literally landed in a dirty puddle. sopped it right up.

my black heart almost melted then and there after watching the paparazzi coverage, but the doll - ever full of grace - just grabbed his paw and helped his sorry ass in the gravedigger. ugh gross. she probably got some joey on her and will now have to burn that amazingly glam outfit.

later in the night, kathleen and joey sang at the riot house to "wake up or we break up", acoustically and brought the house down. everyone thought joey was going to propose...again...but luckily he kept it in his pants and is saving it most likely for some prime time special in which he gets paid lots of heroin dollars.

okay, i'm done.

needless to say, kathleen "the doll" and joey kiss are back together! hurrah. quetzy lux can now be raised under one roof! as opposed to several crackhouses throughout the tristate area. 

doll attends music awards show in cielo

joey confesses he's always been in love with her during speech

all the beautiful stars gathered tonight in cielo and the doll, naturally, was in attendance. her single "wake up or we break up" was nominated for several awards, including best new single, best music video, best female artist, etc. and of course she took a boatload of awards home! it's our girl, duh! 

but everyone already knew she would sweep the competition, so here's the juicy details on the show : kathleen arrived solo on the red carpet, late, and missed securing her first award; she was also missing from the front row for the first hour. seated in her section was caretaker ludo ludovic, wrangler headlock and an empty seat next to hers. everyone was obvi wondering who she would bring as her +1 and we were all left on the edge for the big reveal.

it came when none other than baby daddy joey kiss took the stage - looking quite dashing in a fitted tux and fresh greased back 'do - to deliver the final award of the night, dedicated to the doll herself, for best new female artist. what she really should have won was the award for best outfit of her entire life because she was giving us ball gown debutante eleganza realness and looked 10/10. she deserved a standing ovation just for her look and i'm dead serious. 

in his speech, joey began by how kathleen started as an artist and how she has remained true to her roots. he said, "she will always be the fanzine riot grrrl..." and went on to say how he constantly confides in her for artistic input on his own work. go figure. 

he wrapped it up by saying he has been "in love" with her since his early 20s, much to no one's surprise. then, as kathleen graced the stage in a frigging 90s-style prom-y ballgown to accept her award, the two embraced for a quick kiss on the lips and then she snatched the mic for her acceptance speech. i'm glad she took the microphone from him, because it truly felt moments away from a proposal. 

the two then sat down together for the rest of the show and acted like a junior high couple in a movie theatre on a saturday night. she wouldn't stop pawing him and he wouldn't stop kissing her neck and giving her hickeys. there should have been a camera just dedicated to their reindeer games. joey later changed from a tux into his typical uniform of skinny black jeans, leather jacket and a white tee for the after-party and the doll kept her gigantic prom dress on. the two literally looked straight out of an off, off, off broadway performance of grease and it was what i live for. they made an appearance at the riot house for a round of drinks and stayed long enough for kathleen to not only decorate the top shelf of the bar with one of her awards, but for her to give another speech as well. it was short and sweet and she said that she and joey had to depart to go check on quetzy, as uncle sodapop was the babysitter for the night, and we all know how that goes. 

all i can say is - fans and press alike are both remarking on how they've never seen our girl happier. go, girl - seek happy days through happy nights. or something like that. cue mic drop.

dear doll.....

come now, gather 'round, it's time yet again to read the doll's latest answers to the questions she constantly receives from fans...
one of my alltime favorite pieces of fanmail asked the doll : "are you just another average cielo airhead?" to which kathleen responded : "ABOVE AVERAGE." i'm dead. #coffin

Q: If you could appear on any popular television show, what would it be? A comedy? A drama? A reality series?
A: FORENSIC FILES or THE FIRST 48 or SNAPPED

Q: Why do people give a shit about you? You're some crazy, depressed, bleached-blonde piece of trash who constantly preaches about burning your bra and strapping on combat boots - what gives?
A: GRRRLS 2 THE FRONT
ALL BOYS BE COOL 4 ONCE IN UR LIVES

Q: This being an election year, who are you voting for?
A: do you know that more people do dope in this country than voted last time for president? THINK ABOUT IT.

Q: So...you're voting for dope?
A: THERE'S HOPE IN DOPE

Q: You've spoken about spearheading a "revolution" lately - can you give us any insight?
A: THE REVOLUTION MANIFEST : all women are invited - be it by birth, surgery or mentality - gays, transgenders, allies, etc. to join forces all over the world. firstly we will take over the media machine and slowly manipulate the straight masses via television, film, music, radio, publications, etc. so that when the time comes to ask those willing to step forward, there will be less of a struggle. our goal is to bring justice to all those who feel wronged, to liberate the opressed and to love the unloved. we will bring all of the fuckers, rapists, molestors and pigs of the world to their knees with our power and move forward to take over other solar systems.

Q: Is Joey going to be involved in this Revolution?
A: yes because someone has to babysit quetzy.
i mean joey jr.

Q: What do you love most about Joey Kiss?
A: i love his greasy hair, i love his leather jacket collection, i love his black skinny jeans and his leather boots; i love his sneer; i love his tattoos; i love the way he talks and laughs at my dumb jokes; i love the kid we made together; i love that he's like a studious, but alternative, tuff punk rock, rough and tumble type of guy. he's just my type of guy.

Q: How do you enjoy success as a multimillionaire writer, film producer and now singer?
A: I DON;T LMAO
I RLLY WISH I DIDN;T WAKE UP SOMEDAYS
SOMEDAYS R BETTER THAN OTHERS
BUT IT;S NICE
BETTER THAN UR LIFE
PRBLY
KILL ME

Q: What is your favorite book of all time?
A: please kill me.
also just 4 title.

Q: You are so fierce - a strong, single, independent woman and mother for many to look up to. How do you do it?
A: R U 4 REAL? i have a nanny, a driver, a caretaker, a security guard, a publicist for a brother and the father of my child is alive and well. a village is raising quetzy and you know it.

Q: Out of all the men you've been with - who was your favorite?
A: TOP 5 : jim beam
jack daniels
johnny red
johnny black
and jose cuervo
aka all my favorite men

Q: There's a longrunning rumour that you don't eat - what's your favorite food?
A: apples - because you can smoke weed out of them instead of eating them
putting the fun in functional since johnny appleseed

Q: But you do eat...right?
A: YEAH LOTS OF SHIT
AS A CELEBRITY LOL

Q: As a celebrity, what platform are you trying to represent to use your voice for change?
A: WHO SAID I HAVE 2 DO THAT
OR WANT TO
OR WILL

Q: Surely you know what you represent to the people - how do you plan to influence those who look up to you?
A: i would tell the youth of today : slack off. call in sick to work. smoke pot. drink booze. stop driving your car and get a skateboard. try peyote. you're going to die when you're like 70, so get it while you're young. smoke 'em while you got 'em. just don't be a fucker; be nice to those who deserve it and let the assholes of the world reap their sewn negativity. be cool.

Q: Has success changed you in any way?
A: absolutely not, i was born for this life

Q: You've been nominated for a music award in Cielo - are you surprised?
A: NO!!!!1! not even one iota!

Q: Who will be your +1?
A: UR MOM!

Q: How would you describe yourself?
A: blonde, writer, mother, avant garde artist...heartbreaker, blue-eyed, sometimes musician, arcadia high school's head cheerleader and homecoming queen

Q: As a writer, you surely have read plenty of books - which character from fiction do you identify most with?
A: HESTER PRYNNE

Q: I heard you only have two cameos in Shady Lake. Why?! We need more Doll!
A: I KNO UR TELLING ME BUT IF I;M ON SCREEN 2 LONG, I'LL BURN THRU AND COME GIT U

Q: You've been in the studio recently - what do you do to get in the zone?
A: i go in, drop a hit of acid, gargle some gin and tell everyone QUIET! THE ARTIST NEEDS QUIET
YOUR ARTIST IS ABOUT TO BLOW YOUR MIND
WITH HER GROWL DEEP DOWN

Q: I heard that you performed at the Riot House this summer, threw your guitar in the air - meaning to catch it - and it hit you in the face. Is that true?
A: heyyyy ohhhh heyyyy ohhhh now i'm still alive
KAT 1 / GUITAR 0

Q: Do you think you've lost your edge and that's why you're rumored to be branching to music?
A: ??????????? I AM OVER THE EDGE!!!!!!!!!
I AM THE EDGE...the edge of a few pills away from ending it all LMAO

Q: Was "I Want a Riot Grrrl, Not a Housewife" ever recorded?
A: no so here's part 1 of the remix : I;M HERE DOING DISHES
JUST RAN OUT OF SOAP
FUCK BEING A HOUSEWIFE
I'D RATHER GO DO DOPE

Q: Speaking of dope, did you really find needles in the diaper bag?
A: OH MY WORD HERE WE FUCKING GO AGAIN WITH THIS BULLSHIT

Q: Lots of fans say they witnessed Joey and the Lost Boys seemingly under the influence of heroin when they were on the road last...how do you feel about that?
A: WHO CARES
how do you feel about that?
did it bother you? huh? did it? did it bother you to hear your longtime friend, pal, buddy and boyfriend and father of your child was out on the road - vulnerable - with a pack of fucking junkies and the word around the campfire was that he was back on dope? how would you feel?
I;D FEEL PRETTY ROTTEN IF I WERE U
ASK ME HOW I KNO

Q: You should record with Joey! That way you can keep a better eye on him and make sure he doesn't get back into heroin. What do you think?
A: I THINK NO
my next move is to do a full-concept piece about the romance between adolf hitler and the polish marie walepska. joey's gonna play hitler and we're going dye his mustache with mascara. i'm going to play marie walepska. sodapop is going to be goebbles.

basically all i heard was : heroin, heroin, heroin, joey and more heroin. gulp.

g. giotto rates the doll

and no, she's not a "perfect 10" girl

even though GG might have a trust fund waiting in cielo, no one in arcadia has heard of him...so allow him to introduce himself! and introduce himself he did, outside of the dollhouse today. a plethora of reporters were gathered, not in his honor like he probably hoped, asking a boatload of questions about our girl. 

giotto remained a gentleman and wasn't kissing and telling, until one asked, "one a scale of 1-10, how would you rate the doll?"
cue his response : "9 out of 10 - because no one is perfect." 
WUT. 

okay joey kiss and i really hope he's joking because the doll is obviously a 100 on a scale of 1-10. wow. i am kind of doubting this gianni's credibility. even though i am still a little stunned by his hypnotizing exotic hotness and raw sex appeal, and kind of glad kathleen is finally getting some on the reg, i am really wondering if he is worth all the fuss. 

of course "those close" - aka sodapop anywhere, anytime - to baby babble said that gianni is super cool to her and is a step up from joey. i don't want to sound like a bitch but, um, joey didn't have a job for a decent amount of their relationship!! and he was strung out! and he looked like he could pass for any punk junkie extra from any generic 1950s motorcycle greaser film. so what if gianni brings her a coffee in the morning and brings his own condoms? joey chopped the doll's lines and that's real love. 

whatever. i guess at least gianni has muscle mass. he looks like he gets three squares a day and that's not counting the doll. LOL. i mean, he looks like he could at least give the doll a decent piggyback ride around the riot house, and that's #1 on her list of turn-ons...

anyways, point is it sounds like the two are getting along swell and joey will just have to bury his head in the sand and wait for gianni to do something stupid; not because he is stupid, but because he completely looks the type. 

g. giotto sends doll sexy naked mirror selfie

joey kiss is going 2 be so jealous!! 

after writing about joey kiss' sad foray back into heroin addiction the other week - and also him looking like a homeless and confused wet mop in his brother's clothes -  i really didn't think i would have to write about a more eyebrow-raising situation for quite some time...
...and then gianni giotto walked in naked and joey kiss was like, "goodbye - farewell! i'll let the homeboy GG take it from here". 

the doll was recently snapped at the cielan riot house, locking lips with giotto and eventually getting slapped around by him, kinky-style. most people speculated that she was on the verge of dumping joey because he was jailed for heroin possesion, but kathleen said, "guess again!" when, on monday, she went to visit joey in jail and then turned heel to hang with gianni. nice.

and now it's come out in the papers that on her birthday, gianni sent the doll not one, not two, but three thirsty-as-hell nudie mirror selfies that - you guessed it - were leaked on the internet. the photos, along with a snap of the couple at the doll's birthday party were later deleted. either way, joey is going to love this.

i'm sure the beautiful one can explain some kissing and love bruises, but after the leaked nudes, i doubt she can explain gianni's giant salami plastered all over the web! 

especially if said salami was anywhere near her person...real talk...

anyways, who knows if the kisses will stay together, break up, be friends, whatever. all i know is, i saw the NSFW pic of GG and i could care less! kathleen act like she needs hard dick half the time and gianni definitely has some! she needs to drop her panties in his direction!!

as for joey, it's unfortunate that he's a kiss and has a natural disposition to be a fuck-up. unless he's packing more than giotto - which i seriously doubt - he needs to start racking whatever braincells he has left to keep his girl by his side! 

because if i was her, i would already be in that hot piece gianni's bed with little to no clothes on, for real real, not for play play.

happy birthday baby!

international doll day

another year and the doll doesn't look a day over 22! i don't know if she's found the fountain of youth or if she's making a magic elixir for herself with the blood of local junior high students, some voodoo herbs and a unicorn hoove, but it doesn't matter to me! she's still killing it and i'm still proud to be her #1 fan. 

this year, though, there wasn't any lavish celebration - there were no edible diamonds on her cake, no tower of presents, no fireworks show - instead, a small party was held in her honor at the cielan riot house and less than 50 were in attendance. 

the big question on everyone's mind was : is homewrecker gianni giotto going to show up? and the answer was YASSSSSSSSSS!!! sodapop confirmed that while baby daddy joey kiss is away, the doll is at play....with gianni....

guests told reporters that gianni brought kathleen an eight-ball of love and a big bouqet of roses. she made no qualms about kissing him in front of the patrons and at one point, thanked him during her speech to guests in the vicinity. 

um......wut? she doesn't even know him! i mean, i get it doll, he's sexy and has a body that even a greek god would be jealous of, but that's not the point! she doesn't even know his middle name! she hasn't even dropped acid with him! how could she trust him? maybe she should pay a visit to the cielo county jail after all.....

doll starts off new year drunk and high

am i dreaming or is it 2007 all over again?

kathleen and joey seem like they are broken up, with joey in jail for heroin possession; jimmy kiss has been spending the night with her in cielo and helping her look after baby quetzy lux; she is also rumored to be sleeping with "cielan royalty" gianni giotto and, according to published reports, the doll is back on the wagon! also on the wagon with her are her 2 favorites : heroin and cocaine! party!

now, let's give her the benefit of the doubt - maybe she's just having a bender to end all benders before she turns...a year older?

joey kiss was in grimaldi for the past few weeks - he claims to be recording with the lost boys, but little to no activity was reported at the studio. so who knows? and who cares? last week he was arrested in cielo and has been behind bars since. 

i only care about the doll and she is a mess as of late. hep parade sent a writer round to her 10050 love shack in cielo, as she's been there since mid-december. word has it that the article is yet to be released as it would give even the bitchiest of bitches a case of the #sads. the reporter noted seeing needles strewn about the house - and yes, quetzy was in the building - and the doll was fuuuuuuuuucked up on something. and no, she wasn't sharing. and yes, i'm well worried. 

oh, and let us not forget that baby daddy joey was totally arrested the other day for heroin possession. so neither of them are doing too hot right now and the parents of the year award is totally going to another couple! especially since the doll is said to be knocking boots with slap-happy gianni giotto.