lumberjack kiss and his future bride celebrate thanksgiving

at the arcadian riot house

kathleen and joey are busy planning their wedding, but never too busy for a party! instead of having a getty with their families or hosting a big dinner for friends, they opted to have a dinner for both at the riot house in arcadia.

the kisses have been holed up in monticello, putting the finishing touches on their latest real estate purchase : the cabin joey built for kathleen as an engagement gift. or engagement bribe, depending on which school of thought you subscribe to. 

"the log house", as it's been called by the locals for years, isn't really a cabin...it's more of a love project in the middle of nowhere, on a lake, located in a county where it's legal to shoot anybody on your front lawn, be it gas, liquid or solid. so, it's basically the end-all of doll homes and could possibly double as an off-the-grid hideout in case kathleen decides to go unibomber on everyone. it's totes probably, now that she's getting old and bitter. aka nearing 30.

a lot of word is going around, mostly saying the engagement and/or marriage will never work, considering joey and kathleen have been on and off since they got together! so, it makes sense that the shack's paint is just now drying. bless him, though. joey made her an IOU and actually followed through.

it's come out that he oversaw the construction of the cabin and even spent three months in monticello aiding the construction. again, with paparazzi posted up outside of his home, i really don't see how he vanished into thin air. and, don't assume he wasn't sitting by the campfire, shooting up and yelling at workers that they missed a spot. oh no - he was there, in the trenches, putting up sheetrock and wearing a hardhat. or what have you. 

but decorating a new cabin and building fires in the stove can wait, because it's thanksgiving! kathleen and joey ditched monticello and hauled their cookies to arcadia for the night to spend it with about 300 of their closest mates. the riot house served up dinner - they even broke out the fancy shit - and then afterward kathleen played an acoustic set with joey. quetzy ran around the stage being cute. all in all, it was good times. kathleen also bore no signs of a baby bump, but was not seen drinking. knowing how much she loves to mess with the press, it wouldn't surprise me if she was sneaking hits of whiskey off her flask in the bathroom or something. 

doll goes to big gay halloween ball at the riot house

takes joey kiss as her plus one, instead of an eight-ball like she probably wanted

and yes, joey does clean up quite well. i'm slowly working my way back into his corner.

kathleen arrived with a fleet of drag queens, did several interviews on the rainbow carpet about how gays will soon rule the earth and was basically the sparkly fairy of the night. she had several outfit changes, but my favorite look was the number she wore at the after-party. adjusting her halo and like she just stepped off a cloud from heaven, she donned a semi-sun, statue of liberty-esque golden crown. she wore a glittering skintight, flesh-colored dress with a goddess-like, indian-inspired ghoonghat atop her crown, draping down over her shoulders. 

1. kiss yet again looked like he had escaped live from the filming of grease 3 in full costume during the prom scene; but, it was working for him and i applaud his efforts. it is the second time in the history of joey kiss - the first being at the premiere of HEP! - where he looked 75% of decent and i'm very proud. however, i do believe that the reason behind that comes from his raggedy, gutter-inspired rags that he wore at the DIG! premiere and didn't want to be confused for a hobo again.

as for the benefit - it was not just an excuse to put on a costume and do drugs. tickets began at £1,000! there was also a silent auction going on in the beginning of the night, as well as a scholarship giveaway. in all, the event raised £250,000 and the funds will be divided among LGBT centers in arcadia, cielo and the isle of grimaldi.
during her last speech of the night, she thanked the LGBT community (duh) for being a large part of her life - hello! our girl's life is the gays. she has makeup artists, stylists, quetzy's nanny and basically every staff member at the riot house on her team, as well as countless other queens! she also described how she always felt more accepted by the gays than the straighties, which makes complete sense because straight men suck. straight males only utilize 2% of their pea brains. gays, trannies and lesbians are all known to be on the upper echelon of society's VIP list and you don't need to be stephen hawking to figure that one out!

in all, the doll can now fly a rainbow flag - not just her freak flag.

the doll's band to record first album

i know what you're thinking : the doll has a band? and the answer is yes, she does; and don't laugh, because she's probably going to strike punk rock gold.

resurrecting the riot grrrl era that kathleen - and most of her fanbase and target market - grew up in, our doll has recently taken a foray into the music industry; and with a beau like joey kiss, who can blame her? he has seen plenty of success with the indie-turned-label lost boys and those £20 baggies of heroin aren't buying themselves!! JK. 

this has all been industry buzz for months, but became official today when kathleen announced through an article in the pretty people club that she and her newly formed band, the prom queens, will begin recording at the end of the year for their first album. she was very clear that it will be all girls, no boys allowed and no, not even if they know the "secret password." and obviously the secret password is : doll, i'm holding...

she explained that the three other girls joining her will be from arcadia, cielo and grimaldi, respectively. kathleen also mentioned that she will be taking lead guitar and lead vocals (and lead drums, bass, keyboard, tambourine, french horn section...) and lest they have a death wish, shall no one try to upstage her!

all i'm thinking is : when did this bitch start taking guitar lessons? because i saw her at the freak fest and her shit wasn't even plugged in!
it was like the band just wanted her to feel special, so they handed her an acoustic guitar in front of half a million people. LOL. maybe that's all she needed to get the inspiration to record an album. maybe having joey kiss back in her pocket does too. who knows?! it's the doll! i can barely figure out my own thoughts, let alone what's going on in mind! 

the doll wants to boogie with you!

kathleen has been a writer for as long as we all can remember; a riot grrrl, a mother, a singer, a hotelier...and now you can add activist and philanthrapist to the list! our girl is currently calling for everyone and their gay power bottom brother or boysbian chapstick lesbian sister to buy a ticket to her masquerade ball that she is holding in benefit of her hometown arcadian LGBT chapter.  

the ball will be held on halloween - of course, every gay's favorite holiday because it involves both drinking and costumes! - in the riot house gardens and ballroom - duh - and tickets are rumored to begin at a whopping $5,000 per person. and no, this is not a drill and your eyes do not deceive thee....the price to get in the door truly is as steep as four of my paychecks...i mean, for real doll? you know above average fans like myself can barely afford to feed ourselves sometimes! no way, josé! i cannot afford your upper-echelon shit and am not willing to empty my life savings, just saying...

however, many are tripping over themselves to do just that and the word around the campfire is that there's only 100 tickets left. c'mon, people! this is for the gays! write that check for fire island and cher and sequins! let your inner diva guide you....

anyways, i don't care about whatever the doll has planned for her big gay ball - all i care about is THE OUTFITSSSSS!!! THE LOOKSSSS!!! THE WARDROBE, DAAARLING!! i am going to be living for whatever the hell she wears on that rainbow carpet! also expecting lots of drag realness and dusty older uppity old ass queens flaunting their vintage, studio 54 gay chic halston action. 

see you on october 31! if i win the lottery, i'll be at the doll's table, in a concept look, queening out...

💘 wrap party at the riot house!

doll also used party as excuse to wrap relationship with gio giotto

she showed up to the venue in a shirt that read : so many men, so little time, which was basically a fuck you to gio and an announcement that she was, yet again, single. LOL. 

no one really cares, except her ex-boyfriend joey kiss, so in other doll news, she spent one half of her night hoovering over the bar and the other half hoovering over a dusty mirror, if you know what i mean! just kidding. but she was paying her respects to 2K12 : ballet slippers, ratty blonde hair, black drainpipes, snotty nose, eyes doing back-flips....you know the drill.

she had to be carried out by headlock - okay, ludo helped...he carried her purse - and was subsequently tossed into the backseat of the gravedigger, much to the dismay of the various photographers and journalists that had gathered around. there was also a throng of fans, hoping to get a last-minute autograph of their copies of 💘, assembled and, after seeing the state of inebriation on the doll's part, they all dissipated.

ludo commented to the people, "believe me, you don't want her to sign your book tonight...i don't believe she knows her own name..." ugh been there. she probably would have signed the books "JOEY SUCKSSSS" and her own spit. and you know what? i would probably pay good money for that. 

doll debuts first single : "wake up or we break up"

our girl is top of the pops!

kathleen is a triple threat - she does cocaine, heroin and apparently sings now too! she released her first - and probably only - song today via arcadia's #1 hits programme and phoned in to explain the meaning behind the lyrics.
the song is entitled "wake up or we break up" and, yes, our girl is doing lead vocals with 3/4 of the lost boys backing her, angel astazia on backup vocals and the one and only jimmy kiss producing. yes, you weren't hallucinating, ex-boyfriend and uncle to her daughter, jimmy kiss mixed the track. 
kathleen said that she wrote the song one night after several futile endeavors at rousting hottie gio giotto from a deep slumber. current main squeeze and now the isle of grimaldi's top playboy, gio is the inspiration for a lot of wet dreams, but who would have thought he was the muse for a piece of music? not me!
the moral of the story is the song obvi is #1 in the charts and our hearts already and at the top of everyone's playlists. who knows if the doll will record again and who cares? "wake up or we break up" is a true riot grrrl punk rock funky disco rock 'n' roll jam if i've ever heard one. i hope she wins a grammy for this. 

g. giotto rates the doll

and no, she's not a "perfect 10" girl

even though GG might have a trust fund waiting in cielo, no one in arcadia has heard of him...so allow him to introduce himself! and introduce himself he did, outside of the dollhouse today. a plethora of reporters were gathered, not in his honor like he probably hoped, asking a boatload of questions about our girl. 

giotto remained a gentleman and wasn't kissing and telling, until one asked, "one a scale of 1-10, how would you rate the doll?"
cue his response : "9 out of 10 - because no one is perfect." 
WUT. 

okay joey kiss and i really hope he's joking because the doll is obviously a 100 on a scale of 1-10. wow. i am kind of doubting this gianni's credibility. even though i am still a little stunned by his hypnotizing exotic hotness and raw sex appeal, and kind of glad kathleen is finally getting some on the reg, i am really wondering if he is worth all the fuss. 

of course "those close" - aka sodapop anywhere, anytime - to baby babble said that gianni is super cool to her and is a step up from joey. i don't want to sound like a bitch but, um, joey didn't have a job for a decent amount of their relationship!! and he was strung out! and he looked like he could pass for any punk junkie extra from any generic 1950s motorcycle greaser film. so what if gianni brings her a coffee in the morning and brings his own condoms? joey chopped the doll's lines and that's real love. 

whatever. i guess at least gianni has muscle mass. he looks like he gets three squares a day and that's not counting the doll. LOL. i mean, he looks like he could at least give the doll a decent piggyback ride around the riot house, and that's #1 on her list of turn-ons...

anyways, point is it sounds like the two are getting along swell and joey will just have to bury his head in the sand and wait for gianni to do something stupid; not because he is stupid, but because he completely looks the type. 

doll falls asleep mid-sentence

the doll's not on heroin....but she did nod off during important shady lake production panel

i wasn't a straight-A student or anything but it definitely doesn't take a brain surgeon to see right through the doll's baloney! 

the doll is still in arcadia  which means she got suckered into an mandatory panel for shady lake today and it was classic doll. other than being the sassiest girl in the spot, she nodded off during several questions and, after her eyes did several sets of back-flips in her head, she left everyone thinking : is is 2007 all over again? i can't honestly answer that one for you, but i can tell you that if baby babble is back on the brown stuff, all bets are off.

the best part of the panel came when a reporter asked the doll, "i thought shady lake was supposed to be a horror movie? most of the clips that have screened have many references to hard drug use...care to elaborate?" 

kathleen fiddled with her ratty hair for a couple moments before her eyes closed and her head began to slowly fall back like a sleepy baby. maybe 10 seconds passed before she jarred awake and with eyes wide, responded hazily, "yeah.....i don't know, i don't really know. i mean i suppose if my baby Q is happy, then i'm happy. i mean, i've done really well, but i am just really focused on getting this film done." HUH. WUT. what the hell does that have to do with the price of tea in china?? the reporter might as well have asked her, "on a scale of 1-10, what's your favorite color of the alphabet?" because she wasn't making any goddamn sense! 

it's no wonder the doll is drooling and falling asleep in the middle of a sentence! the public has come to the conclusion that her ultra chic diet of cocaine, doobies, heroin, candy, ice cream, booze, cigarettes, coffee, barbiturates, pills and roofies is finally catching up to her. rock 'n' roll heaven is a-callin' and joey ramone is at the pearly gates with a welcome basket.