doll may have a case of the babies

again............

i am very much wanting to drain the last dollars of my bank account to send kathleen a pregnancy test, because rumor has it she is pregnant again! ugh, this is so 2009 or whatever. of course, as the gods would have it, she's never going to have a white wedding, only instead a shotgun bride. LOL. 
kathleen and joey have been back together for five seconds and although i can swallow them resuming their engagement, i don't know if i can handle this news! the latest headlines in grimaldi are : KATHLEEN RETURNS FROM MONTICELLO WITH BABY BUMP - DOLL'S CAMP NO COMMENT ON BABY #2.
do my eyes decieve me?! baby #2?????????? 
i think this might be a ploy to get attention, but i don't see kathleen's #1 press agent sodapop anywhere in the article, so i can't really tell you if it's true or not. maybe reporters confused him with tricky questioning again. all i know is, baby #1 isn't even done feeding off of the doll's breasts, so how is our girl supposed to make room for baby #2??? i am just confused, intrigued and literally on the edge of my seat for more. 
in a way, i do hope she has a case of the babies and keeps coming down with it. she can then turn the coco cave into the coco family compound and literally become a live-in riot grrrl housewife hybrid. the doll can spend more time planning her revolution from the inside-out, where her children grow up within the highest ranks of society and bring it down  à la fight club. 
the only thing i can say is, in the most recent feature interview in the pretty people club, kathleen was quoted as saying :

"you've got the first scoop," she says, eyeballing ME, "i quit. i'm moving to a cabin in monticello with my babies and there i will be a bride." 

gulp. maybe she'll have a boy who will grow up super gay and she can put him in drag by his fifth birthday. #goals 

doll drafts first 'shitlist'

and baby daddy joey is surprisingly not on it!!!!!!!!

kathleen has always done her best to be a private grrrl, but most of the time, ends up coming off as an opinionated, loudmouthed, emotionally slutty basket case archetype - and that's okay! i love her no matter how schizo she is. but the same might not be said for the men in her life....
our doll is definitely no stranger to heartbreak and has been definitely dealt a shitty hand when it comes to relationships as of late. ever since she dumped that no-good baby daddy joey kiss, it's like a curse was put over her head and she has been sent toad after toad! so, it's no surprise that she's taken to her soapbox to proclaim who's a big dick and who's a bigger dick in her love life.

in this month's pretty people club magazine, you can find kathleen's 'shitlist' in it's entirety - complete with photos - but here's the hightlights : 

gio giotto - this septum-wearing slimy snail will tell you he loves you in one breath and then tell you he needs to be single in another. YAWN! been there, done that and burned my bra.

bae baebel - honorable mention. waste of space. waste of time. just a waste.

sodapop cola - i don't know how i'm related to you sometimes. i would gladly pay for a vocal chord removal though!

jimmy kiss - you're the worst of the worst! should be #1 but you will never be #1 in my heart LMAO! you were the first and this is the last time i'll mention it.

what the hell? where is miss congeniality - joey kiss? is he headlining the list or something? he should be on it just for giving his baby mama so much grief and basically being the sole reason she is prescribed xanax. 

doll debuts first single : "wake up or we break up"

our girl is top of the pops!

kathleen is a triple threat - she does cocaine, heroin and apparently sings now too! she released her first - and probably only - song today via arcadia's #1 hits programme and phoned in to explain the meaning behind the lyrics.
the song is entitled "wake up or we break up" and, yes, our girl is doing lead vocals with 3/4 of the lost boys backing her, angel astazia on backup vocals and the one and only jimmy kiss producing. yes, you weren't hallucinating, ex-boyfriend and uncle to her daughter, jimmy kiss mixed the track. 
kathleen said that she wrote the song one night after several futile endeavors at rousting hottie gio giotto from a deep slumber. current main squeeze and now the isle of grimaldi's top playboy, gio is the inspiration for a lot of wet dreams, but who would have thought he was the muse for a piece of music? not me!
the moral of the story is the song obvi is #1 in the charts and our hearts already and at the top of everyone's playlists. who knows if the doll will record again and who cares? "wake up or we break up" is a true riot grrrl punk rock funky disco rock 'n' roll jam if i've ever heard one. i hope she wins a grammy for this. 

the rohypnol doll

she's a prescription party sister

you know how pretty much everyone in the world is anti-date rape and pretty much therefore anti-date rape drugs? well, not the doll! even though she is a total riot grrrl and has been ever since she heard her first bikini kill song, she recently admitted to being prescribed rohypnol - AKA "roofies" - for her insomnia.

oh yeah, doll, insomnia *wink wink* i feel you.

so, pretty much when you ask the doll, "remember that one time...?" no, she doesn't - because she's been on prescription roofies for years!!

and no, memory loss is not a symptom of hanging 'round the kiss brothers since puberty, it is a common symptom with taking the drug over an extended period of time. 

you know, i have been saying for years that she must cast some kind of magic spell to get people to fall so hard for her....little did i know it wasn't magic and kathleen isn't half the witch i thought she was - it's all due to her being prescribed the good shit! joey kiss was probably a decent human being with a potentially bright future before he met her and she slipped him one of her magic pills...now he's just another cute junkie with good music taste in a leather jacket.

g. giotto sends doll sexy naked mirror selfie

joey kiss is going 2 be so jealous!! 

after writing about joey kiss' sad foray back into heroin addiction the other week - and also him looking like a homeless and confused wet mop in his brother's clothes -  i really didn't think i would have to write about a more eyebrow-raising situation for quite some time...
...and then gianni giotto walked in naked and joey kiss was like, "goodbye - farewell! i'll let the homeboy GG take it from here". 

the doll was recently snapped at the cielan riot house, locking lips with giotto and eventually getting slapped around by him, kinky-style. most people speculated that she was on the verge of dumping joey because he was jailed for heroin possesion, but kathleen said, "guess again!" when, on monday, she went to visit joey in jail and then turned heel to hang with gianni. nice.

and now it's come out in the papers that on her birthday, gianni sent the doll not one, not two, but three thirsty-as-hell nudie mirror selfies that - you guessed it - were leaked on the internet. the photos, along with a snap of the couple at the doll's birthday party were later deleted. either way, joey is going to love this.

i'm sure the beautiful one can explain some kissing and love bruises, but after the leaked nudes, i doubt she can explain gianni's giant salami plastered all over the web! 

especially if said salami was anywhere near her person...real talk...

anyways, who knows if the kisses will stay together, break up, be friends, whatever. all i know is, i saw the NSFW pic of GG and i could care less! kathleen act like she needs hard dick half the time and gianni definitely has some! she needs to drop her panties in his direction!!

as for joey, it's unfortunate that he's a kiss and has a natural disposition to be a fuck-up. unless he's packing more than giotto - which i seriously doubt - he needs to start racking whatever braincells he has left to keep his girl by his side! 

because if i was her, i would already be in that hot piece gianni's bed with little to no clothes on, for real real, not for play play.

doll starts off new year drunk and high

am i dreaming or is it 2007 all over again?

kathleen and joey seem like they are broken up, with joey in jail for heroin possession; jimmy kiss has been spending the night with her in cielo and helping her look after baby quetzy lux; she is also rumored to be sleeping with "cielan royalty" gianni giotto and, according to published reports, the doll is back on the wagon! also on the wagon with her are her 2 favorites : heroin and cocaine! party!

now, let's give her the benefit of the doubt - maybe she's just having a bender to end all benders before she turns...a year older?

joey kiss was in grimaldi for the past few weeks - he claims to be recording with the lost boys, but little to no activity was reported at the studio. so who knows? and who cares? last week he was arrested in cielo and has been behind bars since. 

i only care about the doll and she is a mess as of late. hep parade sent a writer round to her 10050 love shack in cielo, as she's been there since mid-december. word has it that the article is yet to be released as it would give even the bitchiest of bitches a case of the #sads. the reporter noted seeing needles strewn about the house - and yes, quetzy was in the building - and the doll was fuuuuuuuuucked up on something. and no, she wasn't sharing. and yes, i'm well worried. 

oh, and let us not forget that baby daddy joey was totally arrested the other day for heroin possession. so neither of them are doing too hot right now and the parents of the year award is totally going to another couple! especially since the doll is said to be knocking boots with slap-happy gianni giotto.