doll drafts first 'shitlist'

and baby daddy joey is surprisingly not on it!!!!!!!!

kathleen has always done her best to be a private grrrl, but most of the time, ends up coming off as an opinionated, loudmouthed, emotionally slutty basket case archetype - and that's okay! i love her no matter how schizo she is. but the same might not be said for the men in her life....
our doll is definitely no stranger to heartbreak and has been definitely dealt a shitty hand when it comes to relationships as of late. ever since she dumped that no-good baby daddy joey kiss, it's like a curse was put over her head and she has been sent toad after toad! so, it's no surprise that she's taken to her soapbox to proclaim who's a big dick and who's a bigger dick in her love life.

in this month's pretty people club magazine, you can find kathleen's 'shitlist' in it's entirety - complete with photos - but here's the hightlights : 

gio giotto - this septum-wearing slimy snail will tell you he loves you in one breath and then tell you he needs to be single in another. YAWN! been there, done that and burned my bra.

bae baebel - honorable mention. waste of space. waste of time. just a waste.

sodapop cola - i don't know how i'm related to you sometimes. i would gladly pay for a vocal chord removal though!

jimmy kiss - you're the worst of the worst! should be #1 but you will never be #1 in my heart LMAO! you were the first and this is the last time i'll mention it.

what the hell? where is miss congeniality - joey kiss? is he headlining the list or something? he should be on it just for giving his baby mama so much grief and basically being the sole reason she is prescribed xanax. 

💘 wrap party at the riot house!

doll also used party as excuse to wrap relationship with gio giotto

she showed up to the venue in a shirt that read : so many men, so little time, which was basically a fuck you to gio and an announcement that she was, yet again, single. LOL. 

no one really cares, except her ex-boyfriend joey kiss, so in other doll news, she spent one half of her night hoovering over the bar and the other half hoovering over a dusty mirror, if you know what i mean! just kidding. but she was paying her respects to 2K12 : ballet slippers, ratty blonde hair, black drainpipes, snotty nose, eyes doing back-flips....you know the drill.

she had to be carried out by headlock - okay, ludo helped...he carried her purse - and was subsequently tossed into the backseat of the gravedigger, much to the dismay of the various photographers and journalists that had gathered around. there was also a throng of fans, hoping to get a last-minute autograph of their copies of 💘, assembled and, after seeing the state of inebriation on the doll's part, they all dissipated.

ludo commented to the people, "believe me, you don't want her to sign your book tonight...i don't believe she knows her own name..." ugh been there. she probably would have signed the books "JOEY SUCKSSSS" and her own spit. and you know what? i would probably pay good money for that. 

doll debuts first single : "wake up or we break up"

our girl is top of the pops!

kathleen is a triple threat - she does cocaine, heroin and apparently sings now too! she released her first - and probably only - song today via arcadia's #1 hits programme and phoned in to explain the meaning behind the lyrics.
the song is entitled "wake up or we break up" and, yes, our girl is doing lead vocals with 3/4 of the lost boys backing her, angel astazia on backup vocals and the one and only jimmy kiss producing. yes, you weren't hallucinating, ex-boyfriend and uncle to her daughter, jimmy kiss mixed the track. 
kathleen said that she wrote the song one night after several futile endeavors at rousting hottie gio giotto from a deep slumber. current main squeeze and now the isle of grimaldi's top playboy, gio is the inspiration for a lot of wet dreams, but who would have thought he was the muse for a piece of music? not me!
the moral of the story is the song obvi is #1 in the charts and our hearts already and at the top of everyone's playlists. who knows if the doll will record again and who cares? "wake up or we break up" is a true riot grrrl punk rock funky disco rock 'n' roll jam if i've ever heard one. i hope she wins a grammy for this. 

joey wants to put his dusty ass paws on giotto

joey wants to "check him" and "make him answer"

oh boy...
after the sensational article "spin or spun" came out in hep parade last week, some are fearing that there might more to the rumors that the doll is back on the wagon again. or back in the saddle. whatever, point is the article made it seem like as soon as baby q is out of sight, she's railing lines and shooting up and doing shots and smoking doobies until she's falling asleep in the middle of an interview!
so what? as long as quetzy doesn't see, quetzy doesn't know. besides, she's still a baby! she's not going to remember all the times her mama was a hella wasted.
reporters have video of joey stating that he wants to "check" gio the next time that he sees him. joey said that gio is a "crab," ie : walks sideways, talks sideways, acts sideways; and that he's going to "make him answer" for some of the things written in the article. um, make him answer for what? the doll and cocaine go back deep - we all know triple g - gianni giovanini giotto - did not make the introductions, let's be totally real. 
joey told sodapop, and obviously sodapop then told the media, that he thinks pantydropper gianni is making the good shit readily available to kathleen in grimaldi - as he's living in her "coco cave" - and considering she is weak and addiction-prone, it is thus creating a sketchy environment for baby q, who is 86.76% of the time with her mama! gulp. i smell a custody battle of the century...that joey will lose, LOL! and didn't he just get popped for heroin? he needs to sit down. 
in other doll news : because of "spin or spun", sodapop told reporters that kathleen will not be doing interviews never, ever, ever, ever again, not even on a bet, not even if it would save her life, so don't even fucking ask! he said she felt taken advantage of by the media machine and it's not cool.
um? taken advantage of? she was the one slapping herself awake and acting like a coked-out mess at dinner! she took advantage of her own damn self by continuing the interview, when she should have just went home to her big ass mansion to do drugs en privé. also, doesn't she pay headlock to watch over so that she can specifically avoid events like this? i just can't...

g. giotto is about to be 6 feet under

and the doll is going to be on the first 48

and that is straight from our girl's mouth! 

today kathleen appeared on a very popular and a very televised arts programme to discuss, promote and plug shady lake; but of course spent about 30 seconds discussing shady lake, and the rest of the time talking about her personal life. LOL.

apparently, last night kathleen and triple g - g. gio giotto - were out in grimaldi, at fancy schmancy tropigala lounge and grille having dinner, when baby daddy joey's name became the topic of conversation - according to patrons - and gio popped off. guests at the restuarant said that the two did not give even 1/2 a fuck that they were in public and began having a very intense row in front of everyone.

the best part came - one customer said - when a waiter came over and tried to tell the doll to hush, to which she whipped her head around and screeched, "i don't give a fuck!" in his face and then went right back to yelling at gio. the waiter should have taken the cue to respond, "well, you should give a fuck!" but feared his impending doom and skipped away from kathleen.

the argument ended with the doll throwing her drink in his face and turned heel to walk out of the restaurant. from there, the manager commented that giotto went to the bathroom, punched a mirror and left without paying the bill. classy.

after that, bystanders commented that he hopped from bar to bar, annoying locals and causing more of a raucous. one person said they saw him peeing off of the roof of a bar; another said they saw him and a group of pals punch walls and kick mirrors off of parked cars.

um.......am i wrong or is gio a grown ass man? why in the hell is he running around like he just had his first cocktail, punching glass and acting like a fool? he is really showing his ass right now and i wouldn't be surprised if baby babble changes the locks on his ass and keeps it moving.

anyways, this morning, reporters caught up with the doll outside of her huge bougie mansion - nicknamed the "coco cave" - and all she had to comment was : "you know, gio is so lucky; he was about to be 6 feet under and i was going to be on the first 48." LOL. 

g. giotto rates the doll

and no, she's not a "perfect 10" girl

even though GG might have a trust fund waiting in cielo, no one in arcadia has heard of him...so allow him to introduce himself! and introduce himself he did, outside of the dollhouse today. a plethora of reporters were gathered, not in his honor like he probably hoped, asking a boatload of questions about our girl. 

giotto remained a gentleman and wasn't kissing and telling, until one asked, "one a scale of 1-10, how would you rate the doll?"
cue his response : "9 out of 10 - because no one is perfect." 
WUT. 

okay joey kiss and i really hope he's joking because the doll is obviously a 100 on a scale of 1-10. wow. i am kind of doubting this gianni's credibility. even though i am still a little stunned by his hypnotizing exotic hotness and raw sex appeal, and kind of glad kathleen is finally getting some on the reg, i am really wondering if he is worth all the fuss. 

of course "those close" - aka sodapop anywhere, anytime - to baby babble said that gianni is super cool to her and is a step up from joey. i don't want to sound like a bitch but, um, joey didn't have a job for a decent amount of their relationship!! and he was strung out! and he looked like he could pass for any punk junkie extra from any generic 1950s motorcycle greaser film. so what if gianni brings her a coffee in the morning and brings his own condoms? joey chopped the doll's lines and that's real love. 

whatever. i guess at least gianni has muscle mass. he looks like he gets three squares a day and that's not counting the doll. LOL. i mean, he looks like he could at least give the doll a decent piggyback ride around the riot house, and that's #1 on her list of turn-ons...

anyways, point is it sounds like the two are getting along swell and joey will just have to bury his head in the sand and wait for gianni to do something stupid; not because he is stupid, but because he completely looks the type. 

g. giotto sends doll sexy naked mirror selfie

joey kiss is going 2 be so jealous!! 

after writing about joey kiss' sad foray back into heroin addiction the other week - and also him looking like a homeless and confused wet mop in his brother's clothes -  i really didn't think i would have to write about a more eyebrow-raising situation for quite some time...
...and then gianni giotto walked in naked and joey kiss was like, "goodbye - farewell! i'll let the homeboy GG take it from here". 

the doll was recently snapped at the cielan riot house, locking lips with giotto and eventually getting slapped around by him, kinky-style. most people speculated that she was on the verge of dumping joey because he was jailed for heroin possesion, but kathleen said, "guess again!" when, on monday, she went to visit joey in jail and then turned heel to hang with gianni. nice.

and now it's come out in the papers that on her birthday, gianni sent the doll not one, not two, but three thirsty-as-hell nudie mirror selfies that - you guessed it - were leaked on the internet. the photos, along with a snap of the couple at the doll's birthday party were later deleted. either way, joey is going to love this.

i'm sure the beautiful one can explain some kissing and love bruises, but after the leaked nudes, i doubt she can explain gianni's giant salami plastered all over the web! 

especially if said salami was anywhere near her person...real talk...

anyways, who knows if the kisses will stay together, break up, be friends, whatever. all i know is, i saw the NSFW pic of GG and i could care less! kathleen act like she needs hard dick half the time and gianni definitely has some! she needs to drop her panties in his direction!!

as for joey, it's unfortunate that he's a kiss and has a natural disposition to be a fuck-up. unless he's packing more than giotto - which i seriously doubt - he needs to start racking whatever braincells he has left to keep his girl by his side! 

because if i was her, i would already be in that hot piece gianni's bed with little to no clothes on, for real real, not for play play.

happy birthday baby!

international doll day

another year and the doll doesn't look a day over 22! i don't know if she's found the fountain of youth or if she's making a magic elixir for herself with the blood of local junior high students, some voodoo herbs and a unicorn hoove, but it doesn't matter to me! she's still killing it and i'm still proud to be her #1 fan. 

this year, though, there wasn't any lavish celebration - there were no edible diamonds on her cake, no tower of presents, no fireworks show - instead, a small party was held in her honor at the cielan riot house and less than 50 were in attendance. 

the big question on everyone's mind was : is homewrecker gianni giotto going to show up? and the answer was YASSSSSSSSSS!!! sodapop confirmed that while baby daddy joey kiss is away, the doll is at play....with gianni....

guests told reporters that gianni brought kathleen an eight-ball of love and a big bouqet of roses. she made no qualms about kissing him in front of the patrons and at one point, thanked him during her speech to guests in the vicinity. 

um......wut? she doesn't even know him! i mean, i get it doll, he's sexy and has a body that even a greek god would be jealous of, but that's not the point! she doesn't even know his middle name! she hasn't even dropped acid with him! how could she trust him? maybe she should pay a visit to the cielo county jail after all.....

doll starts off new year drunk and high

am i dreaming or is it 2007 all over again?

kathleen and joey seem like they are broken up, with joey in jail for heroin possession; jimmy kiss has been spending the night with her in cielo and helping her look after baby quetzy lux; she is also rumored to be sleeping with "cielan royalty" gianni giotto and, according to published reports, the doll is back on the wagon! also on the wagon with her are her 2 favorites : heroin and cocaine! party!

now, let's give her the benefit of the doubt - maybe she's just having a bender to end all benders before she turns...a year older?

joey kiss was in grimaldi for the past few weeks - he claims to be recording with the lost boys, but little to no activity was reported at the studio. so who knows? and who cares? last week he was arrested in cielo and has been behind bars since. 

i only care about the doll and she is a mess as of late. hep parade sent a writer round to her 10050 love shack in cielo, as she's been there since mid-december. word has it that the article is yet to be released as it would give even the bitchiest of bitches a case of the #sads. the reporter noted seeing needles strewn about the house - and yes, quetzy was in the building - and the doll was fuuuuuuuuucked up on something. and no, she wasn't sharing. and yes, i'm well worried. 

oh, and let us not forget that baby daddy joey was totally arrested the other day for heroin possession. so neither of them are doing too hot right now and the parents of the year award is totally going to another couple! especially since the doll is said to be knocking boots with slap-happy gianni giotto.