doll goes on town meeting television programme

 
 

to defend the prom queens' single "let's go git raped"
 

last night, at 7 PM sharp, in the high school gymnasium of arcadia, a PTA meeting took place to brainstorm ideas how to get the doll's new song, "let's go git raped" yanked from radios before it's even recorded. the meeting was half townies and half kids that attended the high school; and at 7:21 PM sharp, kathleen and joey kiss came in and took seats next to the host of the meeting. and at 7:22 sharp, right on schedule, the press arrived to air the whole thing live.

kathleen appeared against a mother, whose agenda was to get the album pulled from local record stores - to which our girl had no opposition to a woman fighting for a cause. she also faced a teenager from the high school, who had created an anti-doll group and called her a "shameless slut," "talentless, bleached-blonde piece of trash," and my favorite, "an ugly lesbian." he truly saved the best for last. i wonder if he knows she's engaged to a man....OH AND THAT SHE'S MOST DEFINITELY 100% FOR SURE NOT UGLY. she's an angel descended from heaven and we are lucky to have her gracing the headlines on the daily. 

because the panel went for over three hours, and we don't have time for that, here's the TL; DR version of the doll vs. everyone else :

Q: Why such a scandalous title?
A: Why not? Who's going to stop me? Because if someone was to try, it'd definitely have to be someone with more balls than you, that's for damn sure. Q: Who is the song aimed towards? And in the same token, who is it sung for?
A: It is aimed against the straight, macho, Baywatch-watching mentality that we sadly have overpopulating the streets today. It is sung for myself, my daughter and the women who can't sing for themselves.Q: Let's say, for example, that the song is banned. What would you do in reaction, if anything?
A: No one can censor me. Period. End up. If, and only if my magical spells on the mass public falter, I will fight it until "Let's Go Git Raped" becomes our national fucking anthem.Q: "Let's Go Git Raped" is truly your darkest material as of yet. Any particular reason for the change in a more grungy sound?
A: i wanted to branch out the metal crowd so that they could become studious, alternative people and stop being long haired, satan-worshipping boys who needed to work less on changing their carburetors and more on fighting for their rights. And not to party. The Prom Queens aren't just for the women and drag queens, people.Q: Any plans to go on tour?
A: Um...yeah...that's kind of how it works. I almost am being bound and shackled like Cassiopeia in her chair to do so. That's kind of how it goes in the music industry - get signed, cut an album, watch it go from Platinum to Diamond-certified, go on tour, play shows, get adored, go backstage, do witchy shit...you get the drill. Q: As it has been discussed on the news; if your song was to be banned, do you think your writing--:"
A: (cuts interviewer off) I'm going to stop you there. No one is banning anything. So these hypothetical questions from magical fantasy unicorn land that you're concocting are really not valid. I really hate to be a bitch here, but I feel like more people are going to buy my single than boycott it, thanks mostly to your stupidity as an interviewer. Q: Some mothers have been quoted as saying you're a 'bad mother' for creating such a piece of music; and that you'd be harming your daughter by letting her listen to it in the future. What are your comments for them?
A: (laughs) Well, luckily for those clucking hens, I am Quetzalith's mother and I can teach her whatever I want. I can teach her to love her body and respect it and maintain that even if she wanted to pose topless for Playboy magazine, I would love her no less. Even though I think pornography is awful garbage and should be collected in total for a massive bonfire - I'd love more than to see it go, but I place my ideals of freedom higher than my person opinion. And I have some pretty far-reaching ideals on freedom. Just remember - we're all on this big, floating sphere together, brother. Kumbaya, peace and love, Namu Myōhō Renge Kyō......
Now, I'm sure most of you expected me to say, "Next question," or, "fuck off," but I am more than prepared to discuss my art whenever someone - fan or foe - wants to know. You can send your fanmail to P.O. Box 666, 24680 Front Street, Arcadia by way of the Doll.Q: Our last question tonight comes to your from a little girl, in the 3rd grade, who saw your picture in a magazine recently. She wanted to say : "You look like a real princess. When I grow up, I want to be just like you. What is your job? And what's your favorite flavor of ice cream?
Yours truly,
Gretchen Jaborra

A: My job is to inspire you, my new friend; and teach you, through my art, how to make your dreams come true. And my favorite ice cream flavor is none because I detest almost every type of food on this planet. I mostly survive on Buddhist chants, tarot card readings, smoothies, sunshine, Joey and my guitar. But please, baby girl, take my advice and eat your fruits and veggies so you can be big and strong someday.


i think my favorite part was when she said, "I really hate to be a bitch here, but...." um, no she didn't!!! there is 0% of her that cares about being a bitch. especially at that point. who in the hell came up with the idea that her single - which has yet to be released - will be banned?! that isn't even a thing anymore! besides, it's been marketed as an anti-rape song and the prom queens' album, GRRRL, plan to donate the proceeds to several women's charities. the latter was kept secret until their official contract with the record company was signed and as soon as kathleen could get to a reporter, she let the world know that she is here for women's (and drag queen's) rights and she's not going to be quiet. ever. 

i'd recommend either buying earplugs or buying a ticket for the front row of the latest installment of drama in the doll's life.

lumberjack kiss and his future bride celebrate thanksgiving

 
 

at the arcadian riot house

kathleen and joey are busy planning their wedding, but never too busy for a party! instead of having a getty with their families or hosting a big dinner for friends, they opted to have a dinner for both at the riot house in arcadia.

the kisses have been holed up in monticello, putting the finishing touches on their latest real estate purchase : the cabin joey built for kathleen as an engagement gift. or engagement bribe, depending on which school of thought you subscribe to. 

"the log house", as it's been called by the locals for years, isn't really a cabin...it's more of a love project in the middle of nowhere, on a lake, located in a county where it's legal to shoot anybody on your front lawn, be it gas, liquid or solid. so, it's basically the end-all of doll homes and could possibly double as an off-the-grid hideout in case kathleen decides to go unibomber on everyone. it's totes probably, now that she's getting old and bitter. aka nearing 30.

a lot of word is going around, mostly saying the engagement and/or marriage will never work, considering joey and kathleen have been on and off since they got together! so, it makes sense that the shack's paint is just now drying. bless him, though. joey made her an IOU and actually followed through.

it's come out that he oversaw the construction of the cabin and even spent three months in monticello aiding the construction. again, with paparazzi posted up outside of his home, i really don't see how he vanished into thin air. and, don't assume he wasn't sitting by the campfire, shooting up and yelling at workers that they missed a spot. oh no - he was there, in the trenches, putting up sheetrock and wearing a hardhat. or what have you. 

but decorating a new cabin and building fires in the stove can wait, because it's thanksgiving! kathleen and joey ditched monticello and hauled their cookies to arcadia for the night to spend it with about 300 of their closest mates. the riot house served up dinner - they even broke out the fancy shit - and then afterward kathleen played an acoustic set with joey. quetzy ran around the stage being cute. all in all, it was good times. kathleen also bore no signs of a baby bump, but was not seen drinking. knowing how much she loves to mess with the press, it wouldn't surprise me if she was sneaking hits of whiskey off her flask in the bathroom or something. 

doll may have a case of the babies

 
 

again............

i am very much wanting to drain the last dollars of my bank account to send kathleen a pregnancy test, because rumor has it she is pregnant again! ugh, this is so 2009 or whatever. of course, as the gods would have it, she's never going to have a white wedding, only instead a shotgun bride. LOL. 
kathleen and joey have been back together for five seconds and although i can swallow them resuming their engagement, i don't know if i can handle this news! the latest headlines in grimaldi are : KATHLEEN RETURNS FROM MONTICELLO WITH BABY BUMP - DOLL'S CAMP NO COMMENT ON BABY #2.
do my eyes decieve me?! baby #2?????????? 
i think this might be a ploy to get attention, but i don't see kathleen's #1 press agent sodapop anywhere in the article, so i can't really tell you if it's true or not. maybe reporters confused him with tricky questioning again. all i know is, baby #1 isn't even done feeding off of the doll's breasts, so how is our girl supposed to make room for baby #2??? i am just confused, intrigued and literally on the edge of my seat for more. 
in a way, i do hope she has a case of the babies and keeps coming down with it. she can then turn the coco cave into the coco family compound and literally become a live-in riot grrrl housewife hybrid. the doll can spend more time planning her revolution from the inside-out, where her children grow up within the highest ranks of society and bring it down  à la fight club. 
the only thing i can say is, in the most recent feature interview in the pretty people club, kathleen was quoted as saying :


"you've got the first scoop," she says, eyeballing ME, "i quit. i'm moving to a cabin in monticello with my babies and there i will be a bride." 


gulp. maybe she'll have a boy who will grow up super gay and she can put him in drag by his fifth birthday. #goals 

shady lake is finally out in theatres

 
 

doll goes to premiere in grimaldi with her the star of shady lake, bijoux boadicea; and her always stylish mate, angel astazia - but because she's now the drummer of kathleen's new band, the prom queens - you can call her "staz". 

our girl did the red carpet in classic form : champagne bottle in hand, the handful of pills she downed in the gravedigger right before her grand entrance; and ashing her cigarette on other movie stars. and by the time her majesty made it through the bevy of media, it was time for the main event : the movie we've all been waiting on. i feel like i have been waiting my whole life for the production of this goddamn pigfuck to get the show on the road. so, i don't even care about reviews, ratings or how much cashola the film is pulling in.....all the fans (myself included) truly care about is the flick!!! 

everyone who is anyone was at the premiere, eating popcorn and trying not to pee their panties when scene by scene, teen by teen was slashed down. at the end, our baby babble gave a lengthy speech  - seriously...someone pulled up the "wrap it up" tune from award shows - thanking the crowd and ushers brought in champagne. now, the old kathleen grace was more partial to whiskey-guzzling, pill-snorting, and ballet-slippers. thus, it is good to see she grew up and that she's still "got it" if you know what i mean. she's not going to end up a bag lady, on the streets, talking to herself about photoshoots, television appearances and muttering, "jimmy kiss, johnny kiss, joey kiss," over and over again. 

with that preface, please go shell out your hard-earned coins that you have stacked for this moment, smuggle in some candy and go to your nearest movie theatre to see what all the fuss was about. 

happy birthday quetzy lux!

 
 

she's only two, but her net worth is more than yours! guaranteed! 

imagine : three years ago, she wasn't even a twinkle in joey's eye. now, she's a snotgobbling reality. and her diaper bag is always a surefire and convenient place to hide heroin dingers. 

okay, enough with the jokes. it really is nice to see mama and papa kiss back together again and celebrating the life of their adorable baby. for reals. just think...not less than 10 years ago, our girl the doll was running around naked, inciting riots and snorting cocaine...now she's all grown up, with a kid and a house with a three-car garage. still running around naked, however. but otherwise living the true american dream.
as for joey...well, i have my fingers crossed for him, but i am not holding my breath anymore! been there, done that, went to rehab. LOL.