joey kiss is arrested for heroin possession in jimmy's clothes

not in a "dope is dope" shirt, but still...

anyways, joey kiss is in the grey-bar hotel : where you check in, and the county judge tells you when to check out. it's not funny and this is not a drill, people. i'm sure the doll is having flashbacks of joey's older brother, jimmy, and all of their fun crack and heroin-filled times. 
according to self-appointed public relations representative of the doll and kiss family, sodapop, kathleen and joey jetted to their beloved off-the-grid traphouse / retreat in cielo and were going to make a weekend of it...until joey went and got himself cuffed and stuffed in a cell!

if you ask soda - and this is a summation of listening to hours of him on his soapbox - even though joey is probably nearing his 30s (though he looks well into his 50s), he borrowed his brother's letterman's jacket from high school and lo and behold there were two grams of heroin in the pocket! honestly i'm super surprised that neither joey nor kat's junkie senses started tingling and they didn't discover the dope right then and there!

instead, the cielan police did, after joey got into an altercation outside of the albion beauty bar and nightclub. when police went to search him - you already know where this is going - they found the drugs and joey's next words were, obviously, "that's not mine!" i'm sure everyone in the vicinity immediately began to LOL, as if they haven't heard that before. joey's next words were, obviously, "ouch, ouch, these handcuffs are too tight." 

no word on bail yet - to be really real, i hope they lock him up and throw away the key! the world is a much better place with one less kiss around, i'm telling you...

happy thanksgiving!

doll is still on a bender

while the rest of the country is stuffing their faces full of food, baby babble is currently shoveling mountains of blow up her nose. loose-lipped brother sodapop cola and resident loudmouth told the media that his sister was still AWOL and probably out doing boatloads of drugs. he reported that kathleen left baby quetzy lux with the nanny almost 2 weeks ago, said, "good luck!" and disappeared off into the fading sun.

very few from heard from her, but, brother sodapop cola, baby daddy joey kiss, wrangler headlock, cook shuggie bo bellski, all of the nasty punks from the lost boys, nanny ludo ludovic, ex-boo jimmy kiss, supposed best friend angel astazia, her publicist, her assistant, everyone at the pretty people headquarters, all her old drug dealers...they all have on thing in common and it's that they haven't gotten one phone call, text message, kite, letter, etc. from our girl. she is totally off the grid.

sodapop did say, though, that a bellboy from the riot house in cielo called joey kiss the other day and said that she had left some personal effects there, including - you guessed it - a big bag of pills!

LOL. i guess we know what the doll is thankful for...

doll to pen a book of pictures

LOL, yes, you read that right

the last time author and legend, kathleen "the doll" grace, sat down to write a book, it was 2013 and she wrote ☺ and the planets realigned because of it, because ☺ is everything. i'm not 100% sure, but i believe there is a copy of ☺ in every library in the world, because that's how important it is to mankind. well, now in addition to ♥, she will also be creating a book of polaroids to accompany her long awaited sequel.

according to kathleen's personal relations rep - aka sodapop - the book won't be full of pictures detailing drug use, wasted celebrity friends, upscale bourgeois VIP riot house parties and other heavy shit worth note, instead it will be a selection of choice photos that further illustrate the life of our doll.

ugh. boring! sounds like it's going to be a lot of selfies, a lot of joey kiss with his hair slicked back and a cigarette pack rolled up into his tee-shirt, and a couple pictures of baby q drooling on toys. yawn! need more doll smoking doobies on the toilet, drunk 'it' girls puking on their designer clothes and sex. otherwise, i'm not shelling out upwards of £20 to look at a book that should be rated PG-13.

the doll commented on her new book, which doesn't have a name right now, by saying : "i am over the moon to share my personal photographs with fans. i don't want to disappoint."

i have a good idea for the name of her book. she should call it :the doll : a disappointing look at my life in pictures, minus the drug use, threesomes and bloodletting. it'll be flying off bookshelves everywhere by 2016!

shady lake still in production

the doll : "holzy who?"

the doll's brainchild shady lake is slowly turning into the doll's million-dollar-a-day brainchild, because she hasn't been on set in weeks! sodapop tells newspapers that even though his sister hasn't been there, she's definitely still involved with the project. so involved, in fact, that kathleen is taunting her costars as the killer would in the film.

now, everyone knows that the doll is trying to get some award nominations from her film and she's willing to do what it takes to get it. including, but not limited to, sending her costars dead animals...

sodapop told papers that because shady lake is a horror movie, kathleen sent each of her costars a personalized love letter in character as the killer, in a black box with a dead mouse inside. she then sent along a video and according to one of the costars, "it blew our minds away. we knew then that it was real." yeah, it's real alright. real fucking annoying. i'm sure all of the people working on the shady lake set want to strangle kathleen and would like her to get the show on the road already!

ever since argosy burns was fired in a very "bye puta!" way, kathleen has yet to find a replacement for her character, coco rodriguez. because of this, filming is costing an arm and a leg daily, with nothing to show for it! now, there was word going around that our doll would step in for the role, but someone from the doll's camp has neither confirmed nor denied the rumor. i'm sure her backers will pressure her soon enough into finding whatever 20-something, skinny, bleached-blonde cokehead-looking model type washes up in the casting room.

doll's new friend is an acid trip

...literally

okay, i am not going to lie - i really thought this angel staz character was going to be a genuinely good influence on the doll, but i was 100% wrong! last night, reporters caught up with her, kathleen and - everyone's favorite - joey kiss! but that's not all! not only were they in the same vicinity together and it didn't involve the doll and staz hauling joey's lifeless body into a ditch, but all three of them were high on LSD!

what is this, woodstock? are we trying to abolish all responsibilities, burn our bras and condemn "the man?" come on, doll! this is 2015! and what are you doing hanging with your ex joey? just because he's a blonde goddess now doesn't change anything!

ok, my next question is : who is babysitting baby Q? the TV?

and of course staz, who is still an amateur to the press game, quietly giggled that they dropped acid to a fan wanting an autograph and probably thought the information wouldn't go elsewhere. staz has obviously not met sodapop "loose lips sink ships" cola! hopefully next time, she'll think twice before she goes bumping her gums to any random tom, dick or harry!

spooky poltergeist on the shady lake set!

ZOMG doll! get your shit and get out of there!

sodapop told reporters today that one of their sets for the shady lake film set burned to the ground last night...right after they filmed a late-night séance scene! soda said that's not the only spooky activity taking place - he said that lights have come crashing down, several spooky shadows have been reported on set, etc.

if you ask me, shady lake was always doomed from the beginning because dumb doll let the bleach go to her brain when she hired argosy burns. luckily all footage has subsequently been thrown in the trash.

in true doll form, kathleen has production at a standstill until her shaman comes to clear the place of evil spirits. i'll bet the people backing the film will love that! plus, you know it's just an excuse for our girl to smoke doobies in her trailer, make sure her fake eyelashes are on just right for her closeup and languidly flirt with cute boys via her dressing room phone. since when has the doll been scared of anything, let alone a little ghost? ahem, lest she forgot she just moved back into the 312; that place has more ghosts stalking the property than humans.

doll finds a best friend as strange as she is

the doll made a new friend and for the first time in a long time, it isn't someone she's sleeping with!

kathleen has been photographed recently doing 'normal' things with another woman : grocery shopping, yoga, going to the beauty salon, etc. i say 'normal,' because the doll's normal is smoking foilies, chowing down candies and speeding on the wrong side of the road, so this is very refreshing.

the woman's name is angel astazia, 'staz' for short. when the two met during a location scouting for shady lake, kathleen told angel "if she didn't want to be in her movie (angel turned down the lead role), she had to be her best friend."

honestly, i don't even care that she has puke green hair and rocks electric blue lipstick...i feel she'll be a positive influence in baby babble's already corrupted post-kiss life.

angel isn't just beauty, but brains as well and beat reporters to the punch. she answered future questions for them and said that she has no interest in dating sodapop, she is not one of the kiss family exes, she isn't a founding member of the i hate argosy fanclub, she doesn't know who the lost boys are and never went to the freak fest. she basically told them to stop lurking and go back to the real celebrities...like her new best friend LOL!

let's throw it wayyyy back

it's time to take a trip back in time! 

no, not to when kathleen was in high school and the above photo was taken...our girl has decided to move back into her famous dollhouse in arcadia.

i think she will always have a soft spot for her first estate, affectionately nicknamed 'the dollhouse,' located at 312 overlook lane. it known as 'skid row' to locals, despite many affluent residents. let us not forget the many booze and drug-filled years hiding out behind it's walls; and let us not forget the tumultuous relationship with wet mop jimmy kiss - despite these bad juju vibes, the doll has selected to move back into her old haunt. even though she has a handful of other homes she could live in that don't house spooky spirits and memories you could file under not good.

baby q, brother sodapop, wrangler headlock, cook shuggie bo bellski and caretaker/nanny ludo ludovic will be joining her, naturally, as her squad. who knows what joey kiss will do concerning his weekly visitations, but honestly, who cares? last anyone checked, he still had a pulse and he was on the planet, so.............