happy hanukkah!

l'chaim, doll!

kathleen came back to life, back to reality today for shabbos dinner for hanukkah with the kiss family. yes, that means jimmy kiss was there and most likely he was in full wet mop force.

word on the street is that joey and kathleen's relationship is barely hanging on by a thread, so this dinner could really be a pivotal moment in keeping them together. so don't burn your JOEY + KAT 4EVA shirts quite yet, ya'll. no word as to if older bro, and shady lake 's executive producer, johnny kiss was in attendance, but grandmama kiss was in the house, which means ludo ludovic - head caretaker and nanny - had the night off to go watch pink flamingos or dance to madonna circa bedtime stories in his room or whatever the hell he does in his free time. it also means shixsa kathleen was preparing her favorite hors d'oeuvres : gefilte fish.

let's take a trip down memory lane to one of the doll's first encounters with the kiss family. she was still dating kiss son number 2, joey, at the time and was happily helping his mother prepare some traditional jewish dishes in the kitchen. just kidding! food is her kryptonite. story goes, instead of cooking, the doll snuck mama kiss shots of whiskey! our girl was supposed to help prepare gefilte fish, but as soon as she saw the ingredients, she turned her nose up and said it looked like "gross dog shit." go figure.

oh, speaking of tradition, uncle jimmy kiss is still in his feelings over his potential future sister-in-law kathleen. he probably sat at the dinner table with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face the whole time. he's that type.

if i was the doll, i would down a handful of sleeping pills ASAP ferg, hold the ferg, and hope to wake up when christmas is over. quetzy will be fine, she has midwife ludo and old head mama kiss to look after her.

happy thanksgiving!

doll is still on a bender

while the rest of the country is stuffing their faces full of food, baby babble is currently shoveling mountains of blow up her nose. loose-lipped brother sodapop cola and resident loudmouth told the media that his sister was still AWOL and probably out doing boatloads of drugs. he reported that kathleen left baby quetzy lux with the nanny almost 2 weeks ago, said, "good luck!" and disappeared off into the fading sun.

very few from heard from her, but, brother sodapop cola, baby daddy joey kiss, wrangler headlock, cook shuggie bo bellski, all of the nasty punks from the lost boys, nanny ludo ludovic, ex-boo jimmy kiss, supposed best friend angel astazia, her publicist, her assistant, everyone at the pretty people headquarters, all her old drug dealers...they all have on thing in common and it's that they haven't gotten one phone call, text message, kite, letter, etc. from our girl. she is totally off the grid.

sodapop did say, though, that a bellboy from the riot house in cielo called joey kiss the other day and said that she had left some personal effects there, including - you guessed it - a big bag of pills!

LOL. i guess we know what the doll is thankful for...

happy 1st birthday baby q!

baby quetzy lux turns the big 1!

happy birthday quetzy! it seems like just yesterday your mother and our reigning queen of the tabloids, kathleen, announced that she was knocked up with you and from that moment on, the whole world impatiently awaited your arrival.

to celebrate their money (and quetzy luxy sunshine whatchamacallit's first birthday), kathleen and joey temporarily stopped throwing shade at each other to throw a mini music festival in the backyard of their grimaldi mansion - "the coco cave" - this afternoon. there was a ferris wheel, food carts, teepees, a bounce house, two music stages, a makeshift tattoo parlor, face painting for deadbeat dads, carnival rides, a fireworks show and all sorts of other pointless shit that only rich people can afford...

i have a feeling quetzy lux will fondly remember her first birthday party when, in 15 years, she tells her therapist that it's the first memory she has of looking at her family and wishing she was born to a pack of wild coyotes instead of a pack of it-crowd junkies.

the party was a hit but i honestly i couldn't tell you if quetzy was even at her own party because she wasn't in any of the released pictures. come to think of it - she was probably having her own party with her real family : her nannies, drivers and bodyguards. #fame

and while quetzy was totally styled in baby couture with swarovski diapers and a gilded crystal baby bottle; the doll was looking a little rough around the edges. kathleen looked like she was styled by cocaine. she was obviously paying an homage to herself via 2006-2008 and i really just want to applaud her for not finding the nearest mirror, ripping it off the wall and doing lines all day...even though she looked like it...

let's throw it wayyyy back

it's time to take a trip back in time! 

no, not to when kathleen was in high school and the above photo was taken...our girl has decided to move back into her famous dollhouse in arcadia.

i think she will always have a soft spot for her first estate, affectionately nicknamed 'the dollhouse,' located at 312 overlook lane. it known as 'skid row' to locals, despite many affluent residents. let us not forget the many booze and drug-filled years hiding out behind it's walls; and let us not forget the tumultuous relationship with wet mop jimmy kiss - despite these bad juju vibes, the doll has selected to move back into her old haunt. even though she has a handful of other homes she could live in that don't house spooky spirits and memories you could file under not good.

baby q, brother sodapop, wrangler headlock, cook shuggie bo bellski and caretaker/nanny ludo ludovic will be joining her, naturally, as her squad. who knows what joey kiss will do concerning his weekly visitations, but honestly, who cares? last anyone checked, he still had a pulse and he was on the planet, so.............