happy 1st birthday baby q!

baby quetzy lux turns the big 1!

happy birthday quetzy! it seems like just yesterday your mother and our reigning queen of the tabloids, kathleen, announced that she was knocked up with you and from that moment on, the whole world impatiently awaited your arrival.

to celebrate their money (and quetzy luxy sunshine whatchamacallit's first birthday), kathleen and joey temporarily stopped throwing shade at each other to throw a mini music festival in the backyard of their grimaldi mansion - "the coco cave" - this afternoon. there was a ferris wheel, food carts, teepees, a bounce house, two music stages, a makeshift tattoo parlor, face painting for deadbeat dads, carnival rides, a fireworks show and all sorts of other pointless shit that only rich people can afford...

i have a feeling quetzy lux will fondly remember her first birthday party when, in 15 years, she tells her therapist that it's the first memory she has of looking at her family and wishing she was born to a pack of wild coyotes instead of a pack of it-crowd junkies.

the party was a hit but i honestly i couldn't tell you if quetzy was even at her own party because she wasn't in any of the released pictures. come to think of it - she was probably having her own party with her real family : her nannies, drivers and bodyguards. #fame

and while quetzy was totally styled in baby couture with swarovski diapers and a gilded crystal baby bottle; the doll was looking a little rough around the edges. kathleen looked like she was styled by cocaine. she was obviously paying an homage to herself via 2006-2008 and i really just want to applaud her for not finding the nearest mirror, ripping it off the wall and doing lines all day...even though she looked like it...

doll takes long weekend in grimaldi

she's in town to work the local homeless shelter, donate scholarships to junior riot grrrls and scout a preschool for baby q

...just kidding! she's landed on the isle of grimaldi to shop baby daddy joey kiss' money at boutique shops, walk on the strip with baby q in the pram and lounge poolside with books from the local library. she is definitely not in town to work or do anything of substance. unless it's cocaine. or heroin. she's quite partial to both.

the two kisses landed and dropped baby q off at their penthouse in downtown grimaldi, just minutes away from their luxurious cocoanut gables mansion. the mansion is also minutes from "the strip" - aka front street - which could easily pass as the sister to bethel boulevard in cielo, where the original, doll-owned riot house stands. front street is home to the many nightclubs, bars, restaurants and hotels of hustling, bustling grimaldi and within walking distance from kathleen's coco cave. one of the favorites of the couple is the historical playboy club, modeled after the famous magazine. the two have been snapped by the paps there several times, looking very disheveled and like kathleen was channeling 2012's spirit to come and revamp her body.

the isle holds a rich history and many celebrities have resided there. kathleen's home was formerly owned by toca trocadero, notorious nightclub and bar owner who founded the clubs that populate the strip still to this day.

now, he was said to have been a gangster, during his heyday in the 40s, and that he ran illegal gambling in the back of his establishments.

kathleen, who is familiar with the stories surrounding toca's name, took a nod from one of nightclub designs and in the riot house she has secret passageways between certain rooms, the kitchen, the bar and the VIP area; all of the passageways lead to an exit, a necessity in case of any police presence.

shady lake still in production

the doll : "holzy who?"

the doll's brainchild shady lake is slowly turning into the doll's million-dollar-a-day brainchild, because she hasn't been on set in weeks! sodapop tells newspapers that even though his sister hasn't been there, she's definitely still involved with the project. so involved, in fact, that kathleen is taunting her costars as the killer would in the film.

now, everyone knows that the doll is trying to get some award nominations from her film and she's willing to do what it takes to get it. including, but not limited to, sending her costars dead animals...

sodapop told papers that because shady lake is a horror movie, kathleen sent each of her costars a personalized love letter in character as the killer, in a black box with a dead mouse inside. she then sent along a video and according to one of the costars, "it blew our minds away. we knew then that it was real." yeah, it's real alright. real fucking annoying. i'm sure all of the people working on the shady lake set want to strangle kathleen and would like her to get the show on the road already!

ever since argosy burns was fired in a very "bye puta!" way, kathleen has yet to find a replacement for her character, coco rodriguez. because of this, filming is costing an arm and a leg daily, with nothing to show for it! now, there was word going around that our doll would step in for the role, but someone from the doll's camp has neither confirmed nor denied the rumor. i'm sure her backers will pressure her soon enough into finding whatever 20-something, skinny, bleached-blonde cokehead-looking model type washes up in the casting room.