joey kiss is arrested for heroin possession in jimmy's clothes

not in a "dope is dope" shirt, but still...

anyways, joey kiss is in the grey-bar hotel : where you check in, and the county judge tells you when to check out. it's not funny and this is not a drill, people. i'm sure the doll is having flashbacks of joey's older brother, jimmy, and all of their fun crack and heroin-filled times. 
according to self-appointed public relations representative of the doll and kiss family, sodapop, kathleen and joey jetted to their beloved off-the-grid traphouse / retreat in cielo and were going to make a weekend of it...until joey went and got himself cuffed and stuffed in a cell!

if you ask soda - and this is a summation of listening to hours of him on his soapbox - even though joey is probably nearing his 30s (though he looks well into his 50s), he borrowed his brother's letterman's jacket from high school and lo and behold there were two grams of heroin in the pocket! honestly i'm super surprised that neither joey nor kat's junkie senses started tingling and they didn't discover the dope right then and there!

instead, the cielan police did, after joey got into an altercation outside of the albion beauty bar and nightclub. when police went to search him - you already know where this is going - they found the drugs and joey's next words were, obviously, "that's not mine!" i'm sure everyone in the vicinity immediately began to LOL, as if they haven't heard that before. joey's next words were, obviously, "ouch, ouch, these handcuffs are too tight." 

no word on bail yet - to be really real, i hope they lock him up and throw away the key! the world is a much better place with one less kiss around, i'm telling you...

shady lake still in production

the doll : "holzy who?"

the doll's brainchild shady lake is slowly turning into the doll's million-dollar-a-day brainchild, because she hasn't been on set in weeks! sodapop tells newspapers that even though his sister hasn't been there, she's definitely still involved with the project. so involved, in fact, that kathleen is taunting her costars as the killer would in the film.

now, everyone knows that the doll is trying to get some award nominations from her film and she's willing to do what it takes to get it. including, but not limited to, sending her costars dead animals...

sodapop told papers that because shady lake is a horror movie, kathleen sent each of her costars a personalized love letter in character as the killer, in a black box with a dead mouse inside. she then sent along a video and according to one of the costars, "it blew our minds away. we knew then that it was real." yeah, it's real alright. real fucking annoying. i'm sure all of the people working on the shady lake set want to strangle kathleen and would like her to get the show on the road already!

ever since argosy burns was fired in a very "bye puta!" way, kathleen has yet to find a replacement for her character, coco rodriguez. because of this, filming is costing an arm and a leg daily, with nothing to show for it! now, there was word going around that our doll would step in for the role, but someone from the doll's camp has neither confirmed nor denied the rumor. i'm sure her backers will pressure her soon enough into finding whatever 20-something, skinny, bleached-blonde cokehead-looking model type washes up in the casting room.

our doll - not the baby mama!

in some news you totally saw coming and are probably not at all shocked to read - argosy is knocked up and bae isn't sure if he's the baby daddy! oh lord. here come the LOLs! hit the laughtrack!

this is all news as of yesterday, when airhead argosy, who must have more floating around in her lower pelvic area than her brain, 'accidentally' dropped (in front of a reporter with a camera) her first ultrasound photo. cue the flashbulbs!

naturally argosy was alone at the ob-gyn, because bae is a good-for-nothing, loser baby daddy type who would probably sooner be seen getting wasted at 9 AM than attending a lamaze class. let's just be real and not lie to ourselves. this is not the man who will be winning father of the year anytime soon.

i am unfazed by this 'revelation', albeit curious. curious as to which rat-infested, crack smoke-filled, garbage pit of a hovel are they going to raise said child in? also, with what income are they planning on supporting their happy new little family with? because those food stamps will only last so long and bae's 8-balls aren't going to buy themselves! argosy is also in no shape whatsoever to be tricking on the boulevard....i could keep the shade coming but i'd really rather not.

also, let's not kid ourselves - that nasty heifer argosy definitely needs a paternity test! if bae ends up being the father of that child, i will have truly seen and heard everything and i have no qualms with retiring on the spot.