guess whose been blacklisted?

none other than bae baebel...

when the doll's phone rings and on the other end it's a sad, panicky bae baebel, do you think she accepts the charges for the prison phone call or nah? today we found out that the answer was or nah, because kathleen has blacklisted him from her fleet and basically abandoned in jail.

he was arrested for being bae baebel and being a degenerate in all aspects of life and no one knows or cares how long he'll be in the can for. especially our girl! she let the phone ring twice, realized who it was and hung up. LOL. file this under "shit you already saw coming" and keep moving.

it's a good thing kathleen is back under joey kiss' charms and spells - otherwise you know she would totally be slinking into the jail to have conjugal visits. she is not above it. besides, at night all cats are grey and the doll can't see very well, so you get the picture.

in other doll news, there's a rumor going around arcadia that she is texting director of shady lake, hans von holzhausen, again...but here's the plot twist - now he's got a girlfriend. *gulp*

joey kiss wants to "put the paws" on bae

doll goes to strip club to blow off steam, gets called a bitch, gunshots are fired

kathleen doesn't think "chilling" means curling up with a good book and a cappuccino. her idea of "chilling" consists of going to the nearest strip club, smoking a blunt, popping a bottle and throwing money at her favorite stripper with butterfly butt tats. which is exactly what she planned on doing last night...

on a sidenote, i would normally refer to joey kiss as kathleen's loser baby daddy ex who was a total waste of her time, but after his noble actions last night, he's back to joey kiss. he, kathleen and BFF staz were out at big booty judy's last night - probably still coming down from their acid trip - when they bumped into two clowns : argosy and bae. um, shouldn't argosy be eating for two and deciding what to name her kid? what is she doing out at the club?

regardless, words were exchanged and it wasn't long before argosy called kathleen a "bitch." and, no, not 'our bad bitch,' or, 'head bitch,' or, '#1 bitch,' - it wasn't the good kind.

in a matter of seconds, the dollars stopped flying and bullets rang out. shots were fired from the VIP section; two people were injured and one person was pronounced dead at the crime scene. yikes.

outside, kathleen told reporters that their group had nothing to do with the gunfire, but baby daddy joey did add, in reference to bae, "i want to rough him up, you feel me? i want to put the paws on him."

ROFL joey, go right ahead, no one is stopping you!

bae dumps argosy like a full ashtray

this is the best picture of argosy...ever

that girl is totally like an ashtray and she really should be dumped....off at the nearest mental institution!

bae baebel dodged a major bullet, took a nod from joey kiss and broke up with short-term girlfriend argosy burns yesterday, much to the pleasure of our doll. bae famously ditched kathleen for argosy and somehow wriggled away to tell the tale. then, right when everyone thought those two would split, argosy confirmed that she was pregnant with his offspring! gulp.

naturally kathleen's next step was to have her fired from her film shady lake. they replaced her character, burned anything she ever touched and everyone on set signed a contract to respond "argosy who?" if anyone mentioned her name. bae, though, not so much....he got off way too easy and has really yet to see any official wrath from the doll. perhaps all the stress of having a newborn baby around is rattling her nerves and therefore weakening her powers.

anyways, as for argosy, hasn't it only been a week since the big baby news? and now argosy is single? that sure didn't take long! i'll try to pretend we're dealing in dog years and not minutes, but...

i'm sure choirs on high could be heard in arcadia as kathleen skipped through the streets, singing, "ding-dong! the witch is dead."

doll reminds fans she is still the star of the show

our girl answers about shady lake, joey kiss and her baby, quetzy lux büüski  

it is time yet again to gather 'round the campfire, drop out and tune in to the doll answer burning questions from her fanbase. kathleen really must have nothing else going on - other than breastfeeding baby q, screening calls from loser exes joey kiss and bae baebel, reading the shining, and plotting her next move.

if you ask me, she should be finishing her book 💘 and figuring out a way to cameo in shady lake, but yet i digress...

Q: What books are you reading this summer?
A: i am finishing the shining, about to start dirty blonde diaries; i also have tropic of cancer, lolita and everything by didion on my list as well...
Q: Do you think you still got 'it'?
A: AS UR DOLL REGNANT, I DEF STILL GOT 'IT' (wutever it is) + AM STILL ON THE THRONE, SO WATCH IT
Q: Speaking of books, when will 💘 be finished?
A: IT'LL BE DONE WHEN IT'S DONE - if you want it faster, plz send 500K to my lawyer, judah fussganger and i will consider writing an extra page a day....*key word* consider
Q: What about Shady Lake? Is the film still in production?
A: O YA - ARGOSY IS OUT OF THE PICTURE; I AM STARRING NOW, FILM DUE IN SUMMER 2K16
Q: Is Hans Holzy still directing?
A: yes, but only if he promises to not piss me off and to never bring up the time we had sex
Q: How do you really feel about Argosy Burns?
A: FDB
Q: What was the last thing you said to her?
A: ....ho, why is you here?
Q: Do you think Argosy will be a good mother?
A: what i think doesn't really matter...what will be will be...CPS ON SPEEDDIAL THO
Q: Is Argosy aware that you and Bae corresponded while he was in jail?
A: she does now!
Q: When you drop Baby Q off with Joey, what's the first thing you say to him?
A: HA HA HA HA HA; U MAD OR NAH 
Q: What books do you read to Quetzalith at bedtime?
A: the shining, kurt cobain's journals, helter skelter.....she's not a regular kid, she's a "cool" kid...
Q: Are you going to raise the baby with Bae Baebel as the daddy?
A: well damn, i'm trying 2 tell you : if he calls q his baby, that's his baby
Q: Do you think Joey can afford child support?
A: yo no se - he can miss me with all his bullshit though - IF IT AIN'T ABOUT THE M-O-N-E-Y $$$
Q: What did you do after Q's birth?
A: ...went to the strip club, turnt up, smoked a dutch on a stripper's lap, drank a fifth of vodka and then hit the freeway going about 95...why?
Q: Did you really call the police on Joey on the day of Quetzy's birth?
A: hell yeah fucking right 
Q: What's with all the 'fuck this' and 'fuck that?' You used to be so wholesome. 
A: fucking is my favorite word - reason why Q is fucking here
Q: Who is Angel Astazia?
A: my nü best bud and godmother 2 Q
Q: Is Angel famous?
A: it's STAZ + you've seen her before...IN UR DREAMS
Q: Have you really reformed your life since your daughter's birth or is it all a front?
A: it's a front
Q: Have you let Staz corrupt you?
A: she is 20 LOL i doubt it
Q: Will Staz have a role in Shady Lake or assist in production?
A:yes, she will get me iced coffee, cigarettes and handle continuity; because i have smoked one too many doobies to handle such a responsibility 
Q: Speaking of doobies, has Joey ever accused you of being a bad mother? 
A: ....if brains were dynamite, joey couldn't blow his nose : WHAT HE THINKS? I COULD CARE LESS...
Q: How do you feel about Joey now?
A: 50% IDFWU 50% ROFL
Q: How did you come up with Quetzalith's elaborate name? Did Joey have any say?
A: joey never had a say, never will - my baby named herself :
quetzalith means sacred bird
lux means light
büüski means purity
honeyblossom means happiness
zarathustra means freedom
and of course kiss means garbage

ROFL! we all know the kiss' family name stands for next to nothing, but i'm glad she reminded the general public, just in case they were thinking of giving him a pass! baby babble also reminded her ex joey to stay in his lane, and that if he forgets where his lane is - it's right in the back alley where the dumpster lives.

our doll - not the baby mama!

in some news you totally saw coming and are probably not at all shocked to read - argosy is knocked up and bae isn't sure if he's the baby daddy! oh lord. here come the LOLs! hit the laughtrack!

this is all news as of yesterday, when airhead argosy, who must have more floating around in her lower pelvic area than her brain, 'accidentally' dropped (in front of a reporter with a camera) her first ultrasound photo. cue the flashbulbs!

naturally argosy was alone at the ob-gyn, because bae is a good-for-nothing, loser baby daddy type who would probably sooner be seen getting wasted at 9 AM than attending a lamaze class. let's just be real and not lie to ourselves. this is not the man who will be winning father of the year anytime soon.

i am unfazed by this 'revelation', albeit curious. curious as to which rat-infested, crack smoke-filled, garbage pit of a hovel are they going to raise said child in? also, with what income are they planning on supporting their happy new little family with? because those food stamps will only last so long and bae's 8-balls aren't going to buy themselves! argosy is also in no shape whatsoever to be tricking on the boulevard....i could keep the shade coming but i'd really rather not.

also, let's not kid ourselves - that nasty heifer argosy definitely needs a paternity test! if bae ends up being the father of that child, i will have truly seen and heard everything and i have no qualms with retiring on the spot.