before the doll was the doll....

 
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.....she stayed at one-star hotels LOL

long before the doll was a household name and long before she could afford the riot house, our girl was just like us : paying bills, doing her taxes, living paycheck to paycheck, eating dry ramen sometimes, asking her mom to do her laundry, making it do with a do.........and apparently also staying in fleabag motels!

kathleen shared a story with the pretty people club magazine today about her foray into the industry and how she knew she would eventually be a famous queen that we all fear and bow down to. everything she shared was *yawns* old news and basically if you have read the tl;dr hep parade true cielo story, you already know; but the best part of the interview came when baby babble blabbed about the sketchiest hotel room she ever stayed in; and no, it wasn't during a cocaine-fueled night at the riot house LOL.

let's take it back to early Y2K when the clothes looked like they were from the future and you were still cool if you had a basic ass flip phone - the doll was under 21 and still trying to get her career off the ground. as it was, she traveled around from arcadia to cielo to the isle of grimaldi and sometimes even as far as monticello for meetings with pretty much anyone who had lots of money to back the doll's dreams and faith that she wouldn't do too many drugs and OD before her dreams came true.

on one particular night in grimaldi, after a long day of meetings with publishing houses, the doll decided to crash locally instead of hopping a flight back home to arcadia. well, i don't know if the hotel room was on sale or if the beautiful one was low-key on a budget and not saying, because she ended up selecting a motel (not hotel, mind you) that cockroaches were even too proud to call home.

kathleen told the pretty people club that she was traveling with then boyfriend jimmy kiss, his best friend/heroin dealer, known as ponyboy, as well as future best friend angel astazia and she booked a room last minute so that the squad could get some rest before hitting the grindstone again the next day. only thing? the room was literally a mix between a twilight zone episode and a time machine trip back to 1993 : the TV was legit chained to the wall and clearly picked up from a pawn shop in the 80s, with only 7 channels to boot and 5 of them were static; there were bullet holes in the door; there was no phone in the room and no cell phone reception; the room smelled like dust and shattered hopes; jimmy kiss had to donkey-kick the A/C to make it work; the carpet looked like it was from the movie the shining and thus made the party feel like they were in the shining and about to murder each other; there was a creepy locked cabinet placed conveniently in front of the beds and looked as if it had a recording device inside; wifi was a joke - dial-up would have been more efficient and the only working internet was in the lobby where everyone and their sister was camped out, taking up any and all free space; the bed sheets were made of a polyester-plastic blend; there was a lovely prison yard-looking, basketball-type court in the back of the hotel that looked to be a hotspot for rapes and drug deals and, last but not least, the four got stuck in the elevator for 20 minutes on their escape from the sketchiest motel ever and almost died. oh, and the toilet wouldn't flush. but for some reason i think that was the least of their worries. it was like a low-grade tropical oasis jail-style getaway!

speaking of jail - at the time, jimmy kiss was facing a week incarceration for being jimmy kiss, and kathleen remarked to the pretty people club, "i asked jimmy kiss for only one favor when he went to jail : i told him that if jail ends up being better than the room we had in grimaldi...i wanted to know about it." i have a very strong feeling jimmy reported back to kathleen that he would rather go to jail any day of the week LOL.

happy thanksgiving!

doll is still on a bender

while the rest of the country is stuffing their faces full of food, baby babble is currently shoveling mountains of blow up her nose. loose-lipped brother sodapop cola and resident loudmouth told the media that his sister was still AWOL and probably out doing boatloads of drugs. he reported that kathleen left baby quetzy lux with the nanny almost 2 weeks ago, said, "good luck!" and disappeared off into the fading sun.

very few from heard from her, but, brother sodapop cola, baby daddy joey kiss, wrangler headlock, cook shuggie bo bellski, all of the nasty punks from the lost boys, nanny ludo ludovic, ex-boo jimmy kiss, supposed best friend angel astazia, her publicist, her assistant, everyone at the pretty people headquarters, all her old drug dealers...they all have on thing in common and it's that they haven't gotten one phone call, text message, kite, letter, etc. from our girl. she is totally off the grid.

sodapop did say, though, that a bellboy from the riot house in cielo called joey kiss the other day and said that she had left some personal effects there, including - you guessed it - a big bag of pills!

LOL. i guess we know what the doll is thankful for...

doll makes a £100,000 mistake

"BFF" material or nah?

kathleen lost argosy's heirloom diamond ring...and her car...all in one day.

even though the doll has a garage full of antique and exotic automobiles alike, she asked to borrow argosy's brand new, barbie pink corvette convertible to run errands today while in arcadia.

first, she stopped by the market to pick up some accouterments for dinner; then to the baby store to buy baby q some diapers; and lastly, she stopped by her spot on skid row to check in with joey kiss. it was there, outside of the original dollhouse, that the convertible was hot wired and stolen. the car was worth over £80,000. also inside was an heirloom ring circa WWII that belonged to angel's grandmother, appraised at over £10,000. gulp.

okay, my first question is : WTF? isn't our girl nursing a broken ankle or what she's trying to pass off as a broken ankle? what leg is she driving with? and have the good people of arcadia been forewarned that their reigning queen is speeding around town in a barbie car - like a racecar driver - top down, high on pain pills? just wondering.

my second question is : how is visiting joey kiss an "errand"? we all know she was going in for a quickie and that's great, but call a spade a spade, doll! don't say you're buying groceries when you're really getting your cootie cat taken care of. *sighs*

so what did we learn? basically if your phone ever rings and the doll is on the other end, asking if she can borrow your car for "a couple of hours" for "errands," just start speaking chinese and hang up as quickly as possible.

joey kiss wants to "put the paws" on bae

doll goes to strip club to blow off steam, gets called a bitch, gunshots are fired

kathleen doesn't think "chilling" means curling up with a good book and a cappuccino. her idea of "chilling" consists of going to the nearest strip club, smoking a blunt, popping a bottle and throwing money at her favorite stripper with butterfly butt tats. which is exactly what she planned on doing last night...

on a sidenote, i would normally refer to joey kiss as kathleen's loser baby daddy ex who was a total waste of her time, but after his noble actions last night, he's back to joey kiss. he, kathleen and BFF staz were out at big booty judy's last night - probably still coming down from their acid trip - when they bumped into two clowns : argosy and bae. um, shouldn't argosy be eating for two and deciding what to name her kid? what is she doing out at the club?

regardless, words were exchanged and it wasn't long before argosy called kathleen a "bitch." and, no, not 'our bad bitch,' or, 'head bitch,' or, '#1 bitch,' - it wasn't the good kind.

in a matter of seconds, the dollars stopped flying and bullets rang out. shots were fired from the VIP section; two people were injured and one person was pronounced dead at the crime scene. yikes.

outside, kathleen told reporters that their group had nothing to do with the gunfire, but baby daddy joey did add, in reference to bae, "i want to rough him up, you feel me? i want to put the paws on him."

ROFL joey, go right ahead, no one is stopping you!

doll reminds fans she is still the star of the show

our girl answers about shady lake, joey kiss and her baby, quetzy lux büüski  

it is time yet again to gather 'round the campfire, drop out and tune in to the doll answer burning questions from her fanbase. kathleen really must have nothing else going on - other than breastfeeding baby q, screening calls from loser exes joey kiss and bae baebel, reading the shining, and plotting her next move.

if you ask me, she should be finishing her book 💘 and figuring out a way to cameo in shady lake, but yet i digress...

Q: What books are you reading this summer?
A: i am finishing the shining, about to start dirty blonde diaries; i also have tropic of cancer, lolita and everything by didion on my list as well...
Q: Do you think you still got 'it'?
A: AS UR DOLL REGNANT, I DEF STILL GOT 'IT' (wutever it is) + AM STILL ON THE THRONE, SO WATCH IT
Q: Speaking of books, when will 💘 be finished?
A: IT'LL BE DONE WHEN IT'S DONE - if you want it faster, plz send 500K to my lawyer, judah fussganger and i will consider writing an extra page a day....*key word* consider
Q: What about Shady Lake? Is the film still in production?
A: O YA - ARGOSY IS OUT OF THE PICTURE; I AM STARRING NOW, FILM DUE IN SUMMER 2K16
Q: Is Hans Holzy still directing?
A: yes, but only if he promises to not piss me off and to never bring up the time we had sex
Q: How do you really feel about Argosy Burns?
A: FDB
Q: What was the last thing you said to her?
A: ....ho, why is you here?
Q: Do you think Argosy will be a good mother?
A: what i think doesn't really matter...what will be will be...CPS ON SPEEDDIAL THO
Q: Is Argosy aware that you and Bae corresponded while he was in jail?
A: she does now!
Q: When you drop Baby Q off with Joey, what's the first thing you say to him?
A: HA HA HA HA HA; U MAD OR NAH 
Q: What books do you read to Quetzalith at bedtime?
A: the shining, kurt cobain's journals, helter skelter.....she's not a regular kid, she's a "cool" kid...
Q: Are you going to raise the baby with Bae Baebel as the daddy?
A: well damn, i'm trying 2 tell you : if he calls q his baby, that's his baby
Q: Do you think Joey can afford child support?
A: yo no se - he can miss me with all his bullshit though - IF IT AIN'T ABOUT THE M-O-N-E-Y $$$
Q: What did you do after Q's birth?
A: ...went to the strip club, turnt up, smoked a dutch on a stripper's lap, drank a fifth of vodka and then hit the freeway going about 95...why?
Q: Did you really call the police on Joey on the day of Quetzy's birth?
A: hell yeah fucking right 
Q: What's with all the 'fuck this' and 'fuck that?' You used to be so wholesome. 
A: fucking is my favorite word - reason why Q is fucking here
Q: Who is Angel Astazia?
A: my nü best bud and godmother 2 Q
Q: Is Angel famous?
A: it's STAZ + you've seen her before...IN UR DREAMS
Q: Have you really reformed your life since your daughter's birth or is it all a front?
A: it's a front
Q: Have you let Staz corrupt you?
A: she is 20 LOL i doubt it
Q: Will Staz have a role in Shady Lake or assist in production?
A:yes, she will get me iced coffee, cigarettes and handle continuity; because i have smoked one too many doobies to handle such a responsibility 
Q: Speaking of doobies, has Joey ever accused you of being a bad mother? 
A: ....if brains were dynamite, joey couldn't blow his nose : WHAT HE THINKS? I COULD CARE LESS...
Q: How do you feel about Joey now?
A: 50% IDFWU 50% ROFL
Q: How did you come up with Quetzalith's elaborate name? Did Joey have any say?
A: joey never had a say, never will - my baby named herself :
quetzalith means sacred bird
lux means light
büüski means purity
honeyblossom means happiness
zarathustra means freedom
and of course kiss means garbage

ROFL! we all know the kiss' family name stands for next to nothing, but i'm glad she reminded the general public, just in case they were thinking of giving him a pass! baby babble also reminded her ex joey to stay in his lane, and that if he forgets where his lane is - it's right in the back alley where the dumpster lives.