meet the new coco rodriguez

meet bijoux boadicea

bijoux boadicea is the french-born, british actress who will debut in the doll's film. finally! the heavens can rejoice! the doll met bijoux years ago at the notorious freak fest and after a recent night of partying, kathleen decided she was best fit for coco. now the film world can be like, "argosy, who?" and miss boadicea will become a household name!

all i know is count von count holzy is probably clicking his warlock heels together and breathing a huge sigh of relief that stupid argosy is yesterday's news and thanks to the new and improved coco rodriguez, shady lake has been saved!

because, of course, the film has already become the titanic of movies and, even if we're not talking about the thousands of thousands of dollars that are still costing the production company daily to employ the production crew, let's talk about how, rain or shine, camera rolling or not, the doll still banks from the project. well, no fucking wonder!! i was very happy to place the blame on argosy's junkie shoulders but alas! i would be wrong...

anyways, holzy is due on location next week and kathleen is also expected to be in the building now that we have our star! also expect shady lake to be a bloated version of a 16-page short story the doll wrote a long ass time ago. the film's budget has to be assessed once again; the movie has had so many production problems, i'm sure people are genuinely surprised the film isn't a complete disaster right now. i know i am.

before the doll was the doll....

 
IMG_0618.jpg
 

.....she stayed at one-star hotels LOL

long before the doll was a household name and long before she could afford the riot house, our girl was just like us : paying bills, doing her taxes, living paycheck to paycheck, eating dry ramen sometimes, asking her mom to do her laundry, making it do with a do.........and apparently also staying in fleabag motels!

kathleen shared a story with the pretty people club magazine today about her foray into the industry and how she knew she would eventually be a famous queen that we all fear and bow down to. everything she shared was *yawns* old news and basically if you have read the tl;dr hep parade true cielo story, you already know; but the best part of the interview came when baby babble blabbed about the sketchiest hotel room she ever stayed in; and no, it wasn't during a cocaine-fueled night at the riot house LOL.

let's take it back to early Y2K when the clothes looked like they were from the future and you were still cool if you had a basic ass flip phone - the doll was under 21 and still trying to get her career off the ground. as it was, she traveled around from arcadia to cielo to the isle of grimaldi and sometimes even as far as monticello for meetings with pretty much anyone who had lots of money to back the doll's dreams and faith that she wouldn't do too many drugs and OD before her dreams came true.

on one particular night in grimaldi, after a long day of meetings with publishing houses, the doll decided to crash locally instead of hopping a flight back home to arcadia. well, i don't know if the hotel room was on sale or if the beautiful one was low-key on a budget and not saying, because she ended up selecting a motel (not hotel, mind you) that cockroaches were even too proud to call home.

kathleen told the pretty people club that she was traveling with then boyfriend jimmy kiss, his best friend/heroin dealer, known as ponyboy, as well as future best friend angel astazia and she booked a room last minute so that the squad could get some rest before hitting the grindstone again the next day. only thing? the room was literally a mix between a twilight zone episode and a time machine trip back to 1993 : the TV was legit chained to the wall and clearly picked up from a pawn shop in the 80s, with only 7 channels to boot and 5 of them were static; there were bullet holes in the door; there was no phone in the room and no cell phone reception; the room smelled like dust and shattered hopes; jimmy kiss had to donkey-kick the A/C to make it work; the carpet looked like it was from the movie the shining and thus made the party feel like they were in the shining and about to murder each other; there was a creepy locked cabinet placed conveniently in front of the beds and looked as if it had a recording device inside; wifi was a joke - dial-up would have been more efficient and the only working internet was in the lobby where everyone and their sister was camped out, taking up any and all free space; the bed sheets were made of a polyester-plastic blend; there was a lovely prison yard-looking, basketball-type court in the back of the hotel that looked to be a hotspot for rapes and drug deals and, last but not least, the four got stuck in the elevator for 20 minutes on their escape from the sketchiest motel ever and almost died. oh, and the toilet wouldn't flush. but for some reason i think that was the least of their worries. it was like a low-grade tropical oasis jail-style getaway!

speaking of jail - at the time, jimmy kiss was facing a week incarceration for being jimmy kiss, and kathleen remarked to the pretty people club, "i asked jimmy kiss for only one favor when he went to jail : i told him that if jail ends up being better than the room we had in grimaldi...i wanted to know about it." i have a very strong feeling jimmy reported back to kathleen that he would rather go to jail any day of the week LOL.

doll resurfaces

kathleen keeps it 100% professional at shady lake photo call

right now i'm wearing sweats, a ratty t-shirt and flip-flops with socks (which i affectionately call the "tropical geisha" look) and i'm sure i look like shit but my outfit is black tie compared to what the doll wore to the arcadian photo call for shady lake tonight. i mean, it's not like she's a multi-millionaire or anything...even though she could totally pass for a hobo. seriously, she looked like she was representing the homeless community of arcadia last night.

i just can never tell if kathleen doesn't give any fucks or gives too many fucks. she is always walking that tightrope; her look is part homeless, part runway model, but still - was she trying? or was this effortless? she obviously knew she would have all the eyeballs in the room glued to her if she showed up dressed like she had just left a pool party.

let's be real, bitch wore a bikini and a kimono and she didn't even wear shoes. shoes!!

ugh. what if one of her stupid snotty upper echelon friends broke a fancy ass diamond-encrusted champagne flute or something? regular ass people can't even go into stores without shoes on, but the doll's VIP ass can show up to a work event without her hooves covered.

she looked like she literally rolled off of whatever patio chair she was sleeping on poolside, did some lines, crawled into a limo and then slithered onto the red carpet.

i just have one question - WTF is the doll doing a public appearance for? why didn't anyone in her camp stop her? she is giving us 2008 cokey doll realness and that means everyone and their sister is eating it up. her people should know better than to let her do a photo shoot...after a heavily publicized drug binge...in a bikini...in december...

happy 1st birthday baby q!

baby quetzy lux turns the big 1!

happy birthday quetzy! it seems like just yesterday your mother and our reigning queen of the tabloids, kathleen, announced that she was knocked up with you and from that moment on, the whole world impatiently awaited your arrival.

to celebrate their money (and quetzy luxy sunshine whatchamacallit's first birthday), kathleen and joey temporarily stopped throwing shade at each other to throw a mini music festival in the backyard of their grimaldi mansion - "the coco cave" - this afternoon. there was a ferris wheel, food carts, teepees, a bounce house, two music stages, a makeshift tattoo parlor, face painting for deadbeat dads, carnival rides, a fireworks show and all sorts of other pointless shit that only rich people can afford...

i have a feeling quetzy lux will fondly remember her first birthday party when, in 15 years, she tells her therapist that it's the first memory she has of looking at her family and wishing she was born to a pack of wild coyotes instead of a pack of it-crowd junkies.

the party was a hit but i honestly i couldn't tell you if quetzy was even at her own party because she wasn't in any of the released pictures. come to think of it - she was probably having her own party with her real family : her nannies, drivers and bodyguards. #fame

and while quetzy was totally styled in baby couture with swarovski diapers and a gilded crystal baby bottle; the doll was looking a little rough around the edges. kathleen looked like she was styled by cocaine. she was obviously paying an homage to herself via 2006-2008 and i really just want to applaud her for not finding the nearest mirror, ripping it off the wall and doing lines all day...even though she looked like it...