doll to write another book

rumored to be called last of the arcady roses

this is one piece of news that i am happy to report, but also know that it won't truly be of relevance until, like, 2021. seriously...the girl takes five-ever to produce some content, albeit gold. regardless, kathleen released word today that she will be penning a third book. this obviously piqued fans' and critics' interests alike, as her smiley book and heart + arrow book have sold over 50 million copies worldwide. imagine how many 8-balls that could buy! 

it makes sense, as people are getting pretty bored and pretty inventive since the doll has been taking some of her summer vacation in monticello. it's probably these same "sources" that have also come up with all sorts of stories in her absense. there's been a story that she's knocked up...again. there's a story that she's leaving the entertainment industry to become barefoot and probably pregnant...again...and live off the land and off the grid. and then there was a story - most likely coming from the 1-800-SODAPOP hotline - that there might be a widespread shortage of heroin and cocaine soon, if you know what i mean! LOL.
doesn't it go without saying, though, that kathleen does drugs??????? i don't need any external affirmations! do you? maybe it'll be in her next book! don't hold your breath!! 

do you remember the flower children? the freaks? the pretty people?

do you remember kathleen's original group of pretty people, which included, but was not limited to :

• flower children

• punks

• bikies

• pretty and beautiful people

• kinderwhores 

• grrrls 

• silver-spooners

• club brats

• disco dollies

• freaks and weirdos 

• grunge-o's

if you don't remember - basically kathleen's camp of hangers-on got so large at one point that she moved them all to a commune in monticello where they could live off of the land and not her land, feel me?
the commune was called a lot of things, but "the freak farm" seemed to stick.
anyways, they're still at large in monticello after...oh, you know...the freak fest that was totally freaky and totally festy in 2012. you know what else it was? it was a total shitshow nightmare from pigfuck land and that's putting it with some sugar on top.
with kathleen creeping around monticello lately - and she has been creeping - a lot of people are wondering if it's going to be freak fest, the remix this summer. so far, the doll camp has yet to issue a statement.
jimmy kiss joked to the papers, though, the other day that the famous couple will soon be back snatching headlines "freaky fast." 
so, be ready to drain your life savings fund and/or inheritance from your namesake, because if there's a freak fest II, you can best believe that means £10 waters, £20 slices of pizza and £50 for a measly hit of acid! whatta rip!

doll releases jimmy kiss' love letters

jimmy kiss to his "space kitty" : "let's get a cheeseburger in paradise"

i predict the notebook 2.0: lover's never say goodbye starring them and their (probably ghostwritten) love letters to be in theatres by 2020. i say this only because i've always had my doubts that jimmy could spell, read or anything of the like. taking photos of strung out musicians, models and hangers-on; looking strung out himself and holding the doll's paw is more of his calling card. 

i always wondered why kathleen has cherry-picked through the kiss family again and again. i also still wonder when johnny kiss' time will come on the doll merry-go-round. someday...

without further ado, here's the WWII-esque, old fashioned as hell, secret correspondences between kathleen and jimmy. no confirmation has been given, but the word around the discoball is that these letters are the glue from the hot glue gun that stuck them back together again. for your reading pleasure, in all it's glory and without any corrections : 

hello pretty kathleen.
sorry i have been busy this week, i went to the movie on monday and have been working on a grant all week. so smoke tuff for me, i'm sick , my goal is to watch tv and drink this huge bottle of oj i got
i hope you like your special drawing of your beautiful self. i hope you remember when i took the picture...it was downtown arcadia on fourth of july...you had just jumped in the riot house pool, and you didn't have a change of clothes. you put an american flag on and let me take a picture of you. it's my favorite picture. it always has been bb...you took my breath away from the moment i saw you. and now you're this old lady, full of experiences full of life
you always shine babe
also are some things for your enjoyment / amustement. please be responsible with the skate stickers, no private property but feel free to stick it to the man the return address is to my new house.

i gotta go to bed now. gotta get that money, early to bed early to rise work hard ass hell and advertise - ted turner

please feel free to write me back. i miss you
until next time - let's get a cheese burger in paradise
see you around space kitty.
-jimmy kiss

all i have to say is...COME THROUGH RUN ON SENTENCE! case in point that jimmy didn't really attend school that good. or paid attention super great. whatever. he's kind of a dumbbell, let's be honest. jimmy seems to have been given the trains and joey got the brains in the family; but, luckily for jimmy, joey also got the tendency to be addicted to anything in the narcotics family. 

the vibe i get from jimmy's letter-writing skills is that if he's certainly no bill shakespeare on the page - so he must be quite the charming devil in person. that's the only conclusion i've come to. 

but, plot twist : you know she totally has more of his letters up her sleeves for a rainy day. just know that this probably isn't the last you've read from jimmy kiss! mark MY words and not his! 

the twilight zone + jimmy kiss + the doll

the doll and jimmy kiss reunited over retro cult TV show

you unlock this door with the key of imagination. beyond it is another dimension -
a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind.
you're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas.
you've just crossed over into the twilight zone.

-twilight zone; 1960

let's take it back to a couple of months to late december/early january...kathleen was living in grimaldi in her big ass ocean-front mansion, most likely ignoring joey kiss, silently packing all her shit, plotting to leave him; changing quetzy's diapers and singing her nursery rhymes, being a singer-songwriter, smoking doobies....oh and apparently watching loads of TV with her ex-BF and falling madly back in love with him!

hep parade magazine reported that while jimmy had been staying with her in grimaldi, the two spent loads of time together and it's truly no whodunit as to why they're back together. but, according to jimmy kiss himself, you can thank the twilight zone. he told a reporter that, no, it wasn't done just despite his little bro joey. and no, it wasn't because they've always secretly been together and all other boyfriends were publicity stunts. 

he said that the two were together a series of nights, yet would not disclose exact dates, during a stormy weekend in grimaldi - when joey was not around and "on the level" (most likely a reference to him being strung out) - was when it all went down. but, come on, you do the math! those two, left alone unsupervised, during a weekend of thunder and lightening? it's no wonder she's not knocked up! i may not know much, but one thing i know is that the kiss men are doll kryptonite. her one weakness. 

i can just see it now : jimmy and kathleen, shacked up - sans quetzy - going hand-in-hand down the memory lane of their failed relationship. twilight zone doo-doo-DOO-doo, doo-doo-DOO-doo intro playing softly in the background; blankets askew on the sofa, portentous of the two cuddling up while the sounds of a tropical grimaldi storm brewed above them. candles flickering on the walls. rod serling cutting the sexual tension with clues as to what part of the twilight zone the pair will be venturing into next...

i don't know where they're going and i don't care. i'm just here for the ride, baby. and i have a feeling you are too. 

doll diaries pt. iii

originally written january 21, 2017 

9:04 PM
jimmy stopped by the house here in arcadia to borrow some old records and we ended up going to dinner. as if no time had passed, we ducked the photogs staked outside the gated and all that...the old drill. headlock just shook his head when i told him. you can't see me right now but i'm shrugging. i dunno. i'll always love him. he's apart of me.

i have to leave and come back for a pretty people club shoot. was thinking about hiring jimmy. 

"soon, soon...the unsweet by and by" -@heavyhorse

11:07985562781 PM
did i tell ya he sent me a love letter? it was misspelled, full of references even i, yours truly, didn't 'get', but laden with underlying love and mystery. my favorites. 
he sent it to me about a month ago.
i was too busy fighting off pregnancy rumors and drug rumors and wedding rumors and joey suicide rumors. or were they rumours? were they not whispers, echoing through the hidden glades of cielo and arcadia? and have they not been uttered for years, just in different variations? 

i'm no good at being alone. jimmy is well aware.
he's my waterloo, like they say...which would make me his gypsy lane...

10:11 PM
it took me at least an hour and then the amount of time to smoke a cigarette to find that damned love letter. 
still, the words are destined for me and me alone. so i shall only post an excerpt : 
"the stress of longing...

coarse as you were down the old canal, you were the river and i was fine...
at the harbour deep and mine...
you're estranged and i am fine.

you must be a stranger or broken-hearted. the uschi of my dreams.

kissy kissy."

11:46 PM
super duper cryptic, wouldn't you agree? i have to admit it made me shake and shiver. he always knows just what to say to me to make me melt. what a funny relationship. i sometimes wonder myself...how long we'll do this dance. he;s my favorite person - my greatest feature. 
my muse? surely. 

doll diaries pt. ii

originally written january 20, 2014

7:13 AM
good morning. i'm up, drinking tea, watching an episode of unsolved hollywood mysteries. the episode is about the case of dorothy stratten. the next episode is about the menendez brothers. ludo's here watching it with me; i hate being alone. in my mid-20s i came to terms with this, as well as crippling anxiety. joey is in mulholland, doing a project with DREEM magazine.
he called last night, at about eleven. he had just arrived at his hotel with the lost boys and was about to get a drink at the bar. told me he'd "be good." then he said something i couldn't understand and hung up. honestly, he sounded loaded. who knows anymore? your guess is as good as mine...
are we like romeo and juliet? sid 'n' nancy? or maybe cher and duane allman?

10:15 PM
"...The Albion leaves the harbour now, scuffed at the knees + chomping at the bit. We pull away from Brewery rd + across an old path - Delaney mansions lurches motionless & dear old Holloway ladies waiting room primes like springtime the sweet momentum of tomorrow...

...and all arcady shall be upon us."
-@heavyhorse

10:21 PM
"O, raise your deep-frindged lids that close; to wrap you in some sweet dream's thrall - i am the spectre of the rose you wore but last night at the ball" - gautier; 1892

how very boring being pregnant, innit? no where to go, no one to dress up for. i'm just here dancing by myself. daddy gets to have all the phone. i sit behind this screen, click-clack, click-clack, and albeit each word down on the page is one step closer, i cannot help but feel seemingly uninvited to my own party.

who knew getting knocked up would become such a prison sentence?

doll diaries pt. i

originally written october 7, 2013

12:01 PM
"no man is an island,
entire of itself.
each is a piece of the continent,
a part of the main.
if a clod be washed away by the sea,
europe is the less.
as well as if a promontory were.
as well as if a manor of thine own
or of thine friend's were.
each man's death diminishes me,
for i am involved in mankind.
therefore, send not to know
for whom the bell tolls,
it tolls for thee.
-john donne
devotions upon emergent occasions, 1624

12:02 PM
riddle me this : if the doll didn't write anymore, would she still be the doll? if the doll hadn't lived in arcadia, would she be any less doll-y? if the doll never met jimmy kiss, would joey kiss be any less cute?
these and more are questions you need to wonder about.
if you didn't guess already, diary, i saw jimmy two nights ago. he came to the riot house for two jack 'n' cokes and a beer. didn't say a word.
he not only knows that joey is out of town, in monticello farm country, but that he proposed. yup, jimmy's little brother really went and did it.
joey proposed and i say yes - now, how about that?
the next day, i got a call from his mother saying, "congratulations!" 
i got a call from johnny kiss saying, "well, it's about time!" 
but i got no call from jimmy saying anything of the sort. 
and then i see him and he doesn't so much as bat an eyelash.
it really makes me sad...his silence.
no man is an island. he must feel something. maybe i don't make him feel anything...make his heart go pitter-patter or his tummy feel full of butterflies, but still...
he looked at me like he never knew me. 
i wanted to just melt into a puddle on the floor and see myself out. 
when i told joey, he basically made a noise equivalent to shrugging and said, "well, that's jimmy. you know him better than i do, babe, his reaction fits his bill." 
which hurt even worse. 
the bell tolls for thee...

8:02 PM
doesn't matter.
on the 13th i have tim bob flying into arcadia to visit us here in the hills for the usual piece for hep parade. i thought about cancelling it...again...but i need to work. i have to write. i have to be the doll. 
somedays i do it for me; somedays i do it for the fans; somedays i do it for joey. somedays i do it for those who don't know me at all. future fans. or future critics. you never know. 
i just remember all the good old times, you know? back when i could write existential shit on esoteric topics featuring both the light and  dark corners of the american experiment. when did joey get so moody? when did i care so much? when did the drugs get so heavy? the days get so short? the doll....a harpy?  

everything you need to know about "the doll diaries"

"the doll diaries" via the pretty people club via the doll via true life stories

kathleen is the type of person who, if in your home unsupervised, would snoop through your entire life and read your journal. now it's our turn.

i kid you not, but that is the actual promotional tagline for her upcoming series of articles. and yes, they will be ripped from the pages of the doll's own journal. i know what you're thinking : 

never before has she done anything like this - the first copy of the magazine, which hasn't even gone to print, has already sold-out. the head of PR for pretty people said that only 1,000 copies were being put into circulation and, well, it is what it is, folks! better luck next time!

little has been released, but there's been several teasers floated around recent copies of hep parade outlining the entries. no, sadly it's not full of handcrafted love spells, poems based off of mushroom trips and unfinished lyrics to riot grrrl songs...it was more her pining about jimmy kiss, talking about her tarot card readings and being a generally mystifying creature. i had really hoped it was full of inner monologue from shit like private jet trips, arguments with other celebrities, A-list parties...who's a big bitch, who's sleeping with who and who is one what medications.

there's some of that. but then there's some painful stuff to read that cuts deep at times truly. she's not immune to public opinion and, contrary to urban legend, actually has feelings. she's flesh and blood just like you or me. newsflash!

still, a lot of fans feel this comes in the wake of her revealing she's back with old beau, jimmy kiss. that, even though she's willing to momentarily sacrifice her privacy, she has ulterior motives. there's been a lot of talk for a lot of months that this is another famous doll publicity stunt, done just despite joey, la la la. i don't know, i don't care, i'm just here to report the facts, people! 

PS: i'd much rather read her diaries than her fanmail, just saying.

doll documentary by her, starring her...

directed by her, written by her and soundtrack arranged by her
also costume design, special effects and craft service will be done by her as well...

kathleen has secretly been filming "a day in the life of the doll" (working title) for over three years - which would mean pre-pregnancy doll scenes full of crack-cocaine, tattered ballet slippers and spliffs for days - and just finally squawked about the production.

apparently, and unbeknownst to us - her true blue fanbase - she has been collecting footage since late 2013 and is nearing the final cut. third in the collection of doll films - alongside DIG! and HEP! - kathleen gave her vow that there will be no other films with her likeness will never ever ever again and if you want a front-row seat to the one and only doll's misadventures, just wait until the flick comes out in theatres, darling!  

speaking of, i have yet to mention the real title of the picture :

DOLL!

it's probably going to be some kind of tarantino-y, kubrick-y type of piece...like being john malkovich, only being the doll. basically the visual version of what "true cielo story" and "true isle of grimaldi story" have given us historically. all i know is, she's going to produce, star and, um, do the soundtrack the house down! 

plus, she has since fired troublemaker director holzy von holzhausen, more likely for his tendency to have set romances than his actual work performance. who knows, though? i've never tried to understand kathleen's thought process, just follow it. 

anyways, here's the list of potential, rumored and otherwise people not affiliated with the project, but that most likely will be (and in no particular order of hotness) : 

• johnny frigiletti (has documented several lost boys tours; did minor work on DIG! and HEP!)

• bram goodman (yes, beau's older, better, more handsome and actually employed brother)

• casamir pulaski and kavinski pulaski (polish filmmaking brothers out of, well, poland)

• olly oxenfree (not sure if that's his birth name, or...)

• trigger johnson (researched and is his birth name)

and - last but not least :

• JOHNNY KISS!

stay tuned for updates! 
TL; DR: the doll has another project in the works and it's all visual, baby. 

like sands through the hourglass...

...these are the answers to fanmail from our doll

classic doll. just when you think she went back to her hobbit hole for good, a fanmail article comes out of left field. always. 
there's lots to answer for, though! she has a new album in the works; she was recently kicked out of her own event; oh, and i guess she could answer a few questions about getting back with her ex-boyfriend and uncle of her kid!!! i'm just on the edge of my seat to see what she'll say about that topic...
this isn't our first time at the rodeo, people, so let's just dive in head first :

Q: Good year for you, babes?
A: i mean...........it happened....it's over now

Q: How are you feeling?
A: ABSOLUTE SHIT....like a dim bulb

Q: You were recently barred by security from your own event - what quite happened?
A: ask my lawyer. i could lie to you and say i was being a good girl, but, well, that would be a lie.

Q: There's rumors that GRRRL will be a sort of revenge album, aimed at Joey Kiss. Any truth in that?
A: WHERE DO U PPL COME FROM? i haven't even began writing the fucker - how could it already be decided a revenge album?
ON SECOND THOUGHT - I;M GONNA AIM IT STRAIGHT 4 U 

Q: If you follow in the footsteps of years past, are you planning on allowing Joey Kiss to stay living in Grimaldi at your home?
A: WUT
HE;S DADDY
THIS IS A CONFUSING QUESTION...
PURPLE?

Q: You seem like the type to cry yourself asleep at night...what's up with that?
A: U TELL ME - i also look like the type to hunt down fans and murder them in their sleep
#insomnia

Q: Who do you love more - Joey or Jimmy?
A: JOHNNY
the forgotten kiss brother

Q: Who is going to babysit Quetzy on tour? Joey or Jimmy? 
A: why not headlock? what ruled him out? he's great at dressing my child in mismatching clothing, playing death metal around her and giving her candy past 8 PM. he's a dandy. matter of fact, he's hired right now and going under my contract. 

Q: There's word that you may go "off the grid" in the wilderness of Monticello to record your album. You've done it before - why not do it again?
A: Because apparently my secret hiding spot ain't so secret anymore!

Q: Aren't you still on speed?
.....again, apparently my secret ain't such a secret anymore!
;P

Q: Would you ever date another woman?
A: WHY DO U THINK I KEEP STAZ SO CLOSE?

Q: What influences you in your art? Your writing; music; filmmaking?
A: not TV
not radio
not the magazines
LIFE
go live it. it's outside...on planet earth...i think

Q: Quetzy is sure growing up to be quite the beautiful little lady - have you any ideas of introducing her to the entertainment industry?
A: 2 LATE ALREADY DID + IT DIDN'T WORK
i took a photo of her holding a wild barn kitty by a river and was told by the local newspaper that i STAGED THE SCENE and if it didn't look so fake, Q would have pulled the pag' and became monticello's pint-sized itty bitty baby glamour queen. 
come thru jonbenét ramsey!! 

Q: No one actually thinks you're talented - all people care about is your personal drama.
A: question was that not.

Q: In one interview, Joey mentioned that you were a true crime buff and that you would drive him "up the wall" with hours of crime scene footage and police deposition videos...any truth in that?
A: O YA DETECTIVE DOLL REPORTING 4 DUTY! 

Q: What is your favorite famous murder case? 
A: 2 MANY 2 COUNT : charlie manson...richard ramirez...menendez brothers...OJ...i solve unsolved mysteries in my off hours

Q: What's your favorite food? The best dish you've ever had?
A: my #1 favorite food is : OXYGEN
best dish i've ever had : your integrity

Q: Jimmy told a reporter candidly that you two continuted your friendship via correspondence through letters throughout the years. Any elaboration on that?
A: 4 ME 2 KNOW + U 2 FIND OUT!!! I'LL XEROX U COPIES WUT'S UR ADDRESS

Q: What do you actually know about Black Magic? 
A: i've watched scooby doo like...a lot
i could teach the class on scooby doo

Q: Oh yeah? What's your favorite episode? 
A: THE 1 W/ THE CREEPER
i always thought he was so misunderstood
that creeper
just like the night stalker
richie ramirez really floated my boat, if you know what i mean! 

Q: Speaking of Scooby Doo, what cartoons does Quetzy like now that she's a little older?
A: she really likes anything harmony korine
her favorite TV show is about drag queens
she's also been reading philip roth
i know, i know...i'll have to keep my eye on that little rugrat

Q: Where do you see your daughter in the future?
A: leading the revolution...

Q: Are you planning on putting Q into public school, private school or homeschooling her?
A: SHE'LL TEACH HERSELF JUST FINE
TRUST ME
or i'll just send her to finishing school ala the 1950s 

Q: Who or what are you? I'm confused.
A: ME 2
well, let's see......that's a loaded question if i've ever heard one.
astrologically, i'm a capricorn-aquarius, on the cusp.  i'm down to earth but very much a storyteller; capricorn is oft represented by pan, as in peter pan. so, in a sense, i'm a dreamer, never wanting to grow up, but on the other hand, i'm independent and ambitious. i'm a conundrum. truly wish i could be more help, but, well, i can't. 

Q: How tall is Jimmy Kiss? 
A: 6'3"...6'6" with heels
;)

Q: What's your favorite song on the radio right now?
A: "made in japan"
-buck owens
-1972

in other doll news, kathleen has ditched her classic kinderwhore babydoll dress from the 70s for a pair of railroad worker's stripey overalls from the great depression. although our baby babble is giving 50% hobo, 25% 'it' girl and 25% don't give a fuck, i have been clocking her from the jump. next she's going to trade in her ballet slippers for a pair of disco rollerskates
and her ratty blonde locks are going to turn into cotton candy. it's only a matter of time until she goes full blown schizo nuts and shocks the world by taking a vow of silence in the mountains with the monks.
 

happy valentine's day via jimmy kiss and the doll

ALPHA - ALPHA - ALPHA :

THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

EVERYONE TO THEIR NEAREST MUSTER STATIONS! 

needless to report - kathleen grace and jimmy kiss are back together again.

the prophecies, warnings and smoke signals in the sky were all true! those two truly are meant to be together, and not even jimmy's own brother can stand in the way. our girl lives a really weird life and today's headlines in the grimaldi tabloids can only prove my point.

jimmy kiss, uncle to quetzy - child of kathleen and joey kiss, his younger brother - used to date kathleen back in the stone ages and hasn't barked up her tree for years. in fact, after several futile attempts to recapture the doll's black heart, he basically stayed lurking in the background...which is his best look in my opinion.

anyways, the blind item that has been circling around the rumor mill is true. several months ago, while joey began producing and kathleen began wrapping up major production on shady lake, uncle jimmy kiss was moved into the massive coco cave to "help out" aka be the help. 

joey, weaning himself off of drugs and trying to spend most of his time busy with work, is said to be attending regular sobriety meetings and therapy sessions to ensure he remains healthy. people close to our girl say that she doesn't want sadsack joey around the baby anymore because he's truly no help and she fears their child is going to be tainted, damaged and forever screwed up because of his essence. i say that quetzy will most likely be all of those things anyways, because her parents are totally the president and vice president of crazytown. 

regardless, everything was confirmed when kathleen's PR rep said that it was a mutual decision between the two parents, in an effort to better joey's health and for kathleen to have positive role models in young quetzy's life. not that joey is a bad influence, but when quetzy starts drawing needles instead of space ships in kindergarten...you know why...

with that being said - jimmy has been living there for months and i'm sure some lonely tuesday back in august of last year, kathleen totally snuck into his hobbit hole, did some kind of naked jig for him and that was all she wrote! jimmy has been waiting patiently by the phone, window and outside of the doll's gates since she left him in the mesozoic period and his dreams just totally came true. being allowed to move his winklepickers, trilbies and crack-stained peacoats back into the doll's closet in an honor above all. 

in closing, i really can't wait to see what kind of uncle-stepdaddy he turns out to be........*drops that bomb and runs away*

oh and yes, don't bother double-checking - it's valentine's day and not april fools, or friday the 13th or national joke's on your day. . 

doll gets the boot from her own birthday party

"i am the doll."

-the doll

oh boy. not today, satan, not today.

as you can guess from the headlines, something went wrong during the doll's birthday party on the isle of grimaldi, where she has been living for the better half of a year. 

word came out today that at her finale party - what was estimated to be a "small" group of close friends ("small" = 2,500) drunk, stoned young hipsters puking on the floor, humping each other and vibrating to the music - she was totes kicked out of the backstage area of the playboy club nightclub for not having any passes or wristbands. oh and not that she wasn't super wasted or high or whatever, but still......

she then uttered the famous line :

"don't you know who i am?"

and security responded : "no ma'am, we actually do not know who you are. who are you?"

and as that is not one of the proper responses to when kathleen hits you with the name game, she then she ran onstage, grabbed the microphone and began screeching a bunch of crazyness over the bleep-bloop music.

she took over some relevant underground hip DJ's set to say, "this is complete bullshit! i am getting chased by security at my own event!! can someone please call joey at 438-4896? i need my xanax like yesterday. fuck this. i'm going to go back to my VIP table. fuck you all, thanks for coming and please no flash photography." as she was wrapping up her last soliloquy, security literally tackled her on stage in front of the crowd. and then she screeched, "hey! watch the hands! don't you know who you're dealing with here? i'm gonna get you fired! hope you like unemployment, fucker!"

her getting hauled off the stage was not pretty and the people witnessing the ordeal were not pleased about our girl being hauled away by johnny law. have the grimaldi police force not been told "the rules"? kathleen is too beautiful to go near a jail cell, and to not immediately wish her well and have a funfetti cake handy is the ultimate insult on her birthday.

right before she sat her happy ass in the back of a cop car, for being drunk and unruly in public,  she thanked everyone for coming and asked that joey play a song for her and quetzy.  she also apologized to ol' sammy 'third degree' burns (who happens to be 1/3 owner of the nightclub this all went down in) and then offered (joking or not) a handjob if he would phone his lawyer. hers - the infamous judah fussganger - who happens to be in india, on an off-the-grid type situation for scamming a well-off client.

but who cares?! the doll is still locked up as of now in the drunk tank and needs to be snorting lines and playing every rage against the machine song she knows!!!