doll releases jimmy kiss' love letters

jimmy kiss to his "space kitty" : "let's get a cheeseburger in paradise"

i predict the notebook 2.0: lover's never say goodbye starring them and their (probably ghostwritten) love letters to be in theatres by 2020. i say this only because i've always had my doubts that jimmy could spell, read or anything of the like. taking photos of strung out musicians, models and hangers-on; looking strung out himself and holding the doll's paw is more of his calling card. 

i always wondered why kathleen has cherry-picked through the kiss family again and again. i also still wonder when johnny kiss' time will come on the doll merry-go-round. someday...

without further ado, here's the WWII-esque, old fashioned as hell, secret correspondences between kathleen and jimmy. no confirmation has been given, but the word around the discoball is that these letters are the glue from the hot glue gun that stuck them back together again. for your reading pleasure, in all it's glory and without any corrections : 

hello pretty kathleen.
sorry i have been busy this week, i went to the movie on monday and have been working on a grant all week. so smoke tuff for me, i'm sick , my goal is to watch tv and drink this huge bottle of oj i got
i hope you like your special drawing of your beautiful self. i hope you remember when i took the picture...it was downtown arcadia on fourth of july...you had just jumped in the riot house pool, and you didn't have a change of clothes. you put an american flag on and let me take a picture of you. it's my favorite picture. it always has been bb...you took my breath away from the moment i saw you. and now you're this old lady, full of experiences full of life
you always shine babe
also are some things for your enjoyment / amustement. please be responsible with the skate stickers, no private property but feel free to stick it to the man the return address is to my new house.

i gotta go to bed now. gotta get that money, early to bed early to rise work hard ass hell and advertise - ted turner

please feel free to write me back. i miss you
until next time - let's get a cheese burger in paradise
see you around space kitty.
-jimmy kiss

all i have to say is...COME THROUGH RUN ON SENTENCE! case in point that jimmy didn't really attend school that good. or paid attention super great. whatever. he's kind of a dumbbell, let's be honest. jimmy seems to have been given the trains and joey got the brains in the family; but, luckily for jimmy, joey also got the tendency to be addicted to anything in the narcotics family. 

the vibe i get from jimmy's letter-writing skills is that if he's certainly no bill shakespeare on the page - so he must be quite the charming devil in person. that's the only conclusion i've come to. 

but, plot twist : you know she totally has more of his letters up her sleeves for a rainy day. just know that this probably isn't the last you've read from jimmy kiss! mark MY words and not his! 

doll gets the boot from her own birthday party

"i am the doll."

-the doll

oh boy. not today, satan, not today.

as you can guess from the headlines, something went wrong during the doll's birthday party on the isle of grimaldi, where she has been living for the better half of a year. 

word came out today that at her finale party - what was estimated to be a "small" group of close friends ("small" = 2,500) drunk, stoned young hipsters puking on the floor, humping each other and vibrating to the music - she was totes kicked out of the backstage area of the playboy club nightclub for not having any passes or wristbands. oh and not that she wasn't super wasted or high or whatever, but still......

she then uttered the famous line :

"don't you know who i am?"

and security responded : "no ma'am, we actually do not know who you are. who are you?"

and as that is not one of the proper responses to when kathleen hits you with the name game, she then she ran onstage, grabbed the microphone and began screeching a bunch of crazyness over the bleep-bloop music.

she took over some relevant underground hip DJ's set to say, "this is complete bullshit! i am getting chased by security at my own event!! can someone please call joey at 438-4896? i need my xanax like yesterday. fuck this. i'm going to go back to my VIP table. fuck you all, thanks for coming and please no flash photography." as she was wrapping up her last soliloquy, security literally tackled her on stage in front of the crowd. and then she screeched, "hey! watch the hands! don't you know who you're dealing with here? i'm gonna get you fired! hope you like unemployment, fucker!"

her getting hauled off the stage was not pretty and the people witnessing the ordeal were not pleased about our girl being hauled away by johnny law. have the grimaldi police force not been told "the rules"? kathleen is too beautiful to go near a jail cell, and to not immediately wish her well and have a funfetti cake handy is the ultimate insult on her birthday.

right before she sat her happy ass in the back of a cop car, for being drunk and unruly in public,  she thanked everyone for coming and asked that joey play a song for her and quetzy.  she also apologized to ol' sammy 'third degree' burns (who happens to be 1/3 owner of the nightclub this all went down in) and then offered (joking or not) a handjob if he would phone his lawyer. hers - the infamous judah fussganger - who happens to be in india, on an off-the-grid type situation for scamming a well-off client.

but who cares?! the doll is still locked up as of now in the drunk tank and needs to be snorting lines and playing every rage against the machine song she knows!!!