doll to write another book

rumored to be called last of the arcady roses

this is one piece of news that i am happy to report, but also know that it won't truly be of relevance until, like, 2021. seriously...the girl takes five-ever to produce some content, albeit gold. regardless, kathleen released word today that she will be penning a third book. this obviously piqued fans' and critics' interests alike, as her smiley book and heart + arrow book have sold over 50 million copies worldwide. imagine how many 8-balls that could buy! 

it makes sense, as people are getting pretty bored and pretty inventive since the doll has been taking some of her summer vacation in monticello. it's probably these same "sources" that have also come up with all sorts of stories in her absense. there's been a story that she's knocked up...again. there's a story that she's leaving the entertainment industry to become barefoot and probably pregnant...again...and live off the land and off the grid. and then there was a story - most likely coming from the 1-800-SODAPOP hotline - that there might be a widespread shortage of heroin and cocaine soon, if you know what i mean! LOL.
doesn't it go without saying, though, that kathleen does drugs??????? i don't need any external affirmations! do you? maybe it'll be in her next book! don't hold your breath!! 

doll releases jimmy kiss' love letters

jimmy kiss to his "space kitty" : "let's get a cheeseburger in paradise"

i predict the notebook 2.0: lover's never say goodbye starring them and their (probably ghostwritten) love letters to be in theatres by 2020. i say this only because i've always had my doubts that jimmy could spell, read or anything of the like. taking photos of strung out musicians, models and hangers-on; looking strung out himself and holding the doll's paw is more of his calling card. 

i always wondered why kathleen has cherry-picked through the kiss family again and again. i also still wonder when johnny kiss' time will come on the doll merry-go-round. someday...

without further ado, here's the WWII-esque, old fashioned as hell, secret correspondences between kathleen and jimmy. no confirmation has been given, but the word around the discoball is that these letters are the glue from the hot glue gun that stuck them back together again. for your reading pleasure, in all it's glory and without any corrections : 

hello pretty kathleen.
sorry i have been busy this week, i went to the movie on monday and have been working on a grant all week. so smoke tuff for me, i'm sick , my goal is to watch tv and drink this huge bottle of oj i got
i hope you like your special drawing of your beautiful self. i hope you remember when i took the picture...it was downtown arcadia on fourth of july...you had just jumped in the riot house pool, and you didn't have a change of clothes. you put an american flag on and let me take a picture of you. it's my favorite picture. it always has been bb...you took my breath away from the moment i saw you. and now you're this old lady, full of experiences full of life
you always shine babe
also are some things for your enjoyment / amustement. please be responsible with the skate stickers, no private property but feel free to stick it to the man the return address is to my new house.

i gotta go to bed now. gotta get that money, early to bed early to rise work hard ass hell and advertise - ted turner

please feel free to write me back. i miss you
until next time - let's get a cheese burger in paradise
see you around space kitty.
-jimmy kiss

all i have to say is...COME THROUGH RUN ON SENTENCE! case in point that jimmy didn't really attend school that good. or paid attention super great. whatever. he's kind of a dumbbell, let's be honest. jimmy seems to have been given the trains and joey got the brains in the family; but, luckily for jimmy, joey also got the tendency to be addicted to anything in the narcotics family. 

the vibe i get from jimmy's letter-writing skills is that if he's certainly no bill shakespeare on the page - so he must be quite the charming devil in person. that's the only conclusion i've come to. 

but, plot twist : you know she totally has more of his letters up her sleeves for a rainy day. just know that this probably isn't the last you've read from jimmy kiss! mark MY words and not his! 

the twilight zone + jimmy kiss + the doll

the doll and jimmy kiss reunited over retro cult TV show

you unlock this door with the key of imagination. beyond it is another dimension -
a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind.
you're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas.
you've just crossed over into the twilight zone.

-twilight zone; 1960

let's take it back to a couple of months to late december/early january...kathleen was living in grimaldi in her big ass ocean-front mansion, most likely ignoring joey kiss, silently packing all her shit, plotting to leave him; changing quetzy's diapers and singing her nursery rhymes, being a singer-songwriter, smoking doobies....oh and apparently watching loads of TV with her ex-BF and falling madly back in love with him!

hep parade magazine reported that while jimmy had been staying with her in grimaldi, the two spent loads of time together and it's truly no whodunit as to why they're back together. but, according to jimmy kiss himself, you can thank the twilight zone. he told a reporter that, no, it wasn't done just despite his little bro joey. and no, it wasn't because they've always secretly been together and all other boyfriends were publicity stunts. 

he said that the two were together a series of nights, yet would not disclose exact dates, during a stormy weekend in grimaldi - when joey was not around and "on the level" (most likely a reference to him being strung out) - was when it all went down. but, come on, you do the math! those two, left alone unsupervised, during a weekend of thunder and lightening? it's no wonder she's not knocked up! i may not know much, but one thing i know is that the kiss men are doll kryptonite. her one weakness. 

i can just see it now : jimmy and kathleen, shacked up - sans quetzy - going hand-in-hand down the memory lane of their failed relationship. twilight zone doo-doo-DOO-doo, doo-doo-DOO-doo intro playing softly in the background; blankets askew on the sofa, portentous of the two cuddling up while the sounds of a tropical grimaldi storm brewed above them. candles flickering on the walls. rod serling cutting the sexual tension with clues as to what part of the twilight zone the pair will be venturing into next...

i don't know where they're going and i don't care. i'm just here for the ride, baby. and i have a feeling you are too. 

doll diaries pt. ii

originally written january 20, 2014

7:13 AM
good morning. i'm up, drinking tea, watching an episode of unsolved hollywood mysteries. the episode is about the case of dorothy stratten. the next episode is about the menendez brothers. ludo's here watching it with me; i hate being alone. in my mid-20s i came to terms with this, as well as crippling anxiety. joey is in mulholland, doing a project with DREEM magazine.
he called last night, at about eleven. he had just arrived at his hotel with the lost boys and was about to get a drink at the bar. told me he'd "be good." then he said something i couldn't understand and hung up. honestly, he sounded loaded. who knows anymore? your guess is as good as mine...
are we like romeo and juliet? sid 'n' nancy? or maybe cher and duane allman?

10:15 PM
"...The Albion leaves the harbour now, scuffed at the knees + chomping at the bit. We pull away from Brewery rd + across an old path - Delaney mansions lurches motionless & dear old Holloway ladies waiting room primes like springtime the sweet momentum of tomorrow...

...and all arcady shall be upon us."
-@heavyhorse

10:21 PM
"O, raise your deep-frindged lids that close; to wrap you in some sweet dream's thrall - i am the spectre of the rose you wore but last night at the ball" - gautier; 1892

how very boring being pregnant, innit? no where to go, no one to dress up for. i'm just here dancing by myself. daddy gets to have all the phone. i sit behind this screen, click-clack, click-clack, and albeit each word down on the page is one step closer, i cannot help but feel seemingly uninvited to my own party.

who knew getting knocked up would become such a prison sentence?

happy valentine's day via jimmy kiss and the doll

ALPHA - ALPHA - ALPHA :

THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

EVERYONE TO THEIR NEAREST MUSTER STATIONS! 

needless to report - kathleen grace and jimmy kiss are back together again.

the prophecies, warnings and smoke signals in the sky were all true! those two truly are meant to be together, and not even jimmy's own brother can stand in the way. our girl lives a really weird life and today's headlines in the grimaldi tabloids can only prove my point.

jimmy kiss, uncle to quetzy - child of kathleen and joey kiss, his younger brother - used to date kathleen back in the stone ages and hasn't barked up her tree for years. in fact, after several futile attempts to recapture the doll's black heart, he basically stayed lurking in the background...which is his best look in my opinion.

anyways, the blind item that has been circling around the rumor mill is true. several months ago, while joey began producing and kathleen began wrapping up major production on shady lake, uncle jimmy kiss was moved into the massive coco cave to "help out" aka be the help. 

joey, weaning himself off of drugs and trying to spend most of his time busy with work, is said to be attending regular sobriety meetings and therapy sessions to ensure he remains healthy. people close to our girl say that she doesn't want sadsack joey around the baby anymore because he's truly no help and she fears their child is going to be tainted, damaged and forever screwed up because of his essence. i say that quetzy will most likely be all of those things anyways, because her parents are totally the president and vice president of crazytown. 

regardless, everything was confirmed when kathleen's PR rep said that it was a mutual decision between the two parents, in an effort to better joey's health and for kathleen to have positive role models in young quetzy's life. not that joey is a bad influence, but when quetzy starts drawing needles instead of space ships in kindergarten...you know why...

with that being said - jimmy has been living there for months and i'm sure some lonely tuesday back in august of last year, kathleen totally snuck into his hobbit hole, did some kind of naked jig for him and that was all she wrote! jimmy has been waiting patiently by the phone, window and outside of the doll's gates since she left him in the mesozoic period and his dreams just totally came true. being allowed to move his winklepickers, trilbies and crack-stained peacoats back into the doll's closet in an honor above all. 

in closing, i really can't wait to see what kind of uncle-stepdaddy he turns out to be........*drops that bomb and runs away*

oh and yes, don't bother double-checking - it's valentine's day and not april fools, or friday the 13th or national joke's on your day. .