everything you need to know about "the doll diaries"

"the doll diaries" via the pretty people club via the doll via true life stories

kathleen is the type of person who, if in your home unsupervised, would snoop through your entire life and read your journal. now it's our turn.

i kid you not, but that is the actual promotional tagline for her upcoming series of articles. and yes, they will be ripped from the pages of the doll's own journal. i know what you're thinking : 

never before has she done anything like this - the first copy of the magazine, which hasn't even gone to print, has already sold-out. the head of PR for pretty people said that only 1,000 copies were being put into circulation and, well, it is what it is, folks! better luck next time!

little has been released, but there's been several teasers floated around recent copies of hep parade outlining the entries. no, sadly it's not full of handcrafted love spells, poems based off of mushroom trips and unfinished lyrics to riot grrrl songs...it was more her pining about jimmy kiss, talking about her tarot card readings and being a generally mystifying creature. i had really hoped it was full of inner monologue from shit like private jet trips, arguments with other celebrities, A-list parties...who's a big bitch, who's sleeping with who and who is one what medications.

there's some of that. but then there's some painful stuff to read that cuts deep at times truly. she's not immune to public opinion and, contrary to urban legend, actually has feelings. she's flesh and blood just like you or me. newsflash!

still, a lot of fans feel this comes in the wake of her revealing she's back with old beau, jimmy kiss. that, even though she's willing to momentarily sacrifice her privacy, she has ulterior motives. there's been a lot of talk for a lot of months that this is another famous doll publicity stunt, done just despite joey, la la la. i don't know, i don't care, i'm just here to report the facts, people! 

PS: i'd much rather read her diaries than her fanmail, just saying.

doll gets the boot from her own birthday party

"i am the doll."

-the doll

oh boy. not today, satan, not today.

as you can guess from the headlines, something went wrong during the doll's birthday party on the isle of grimaldi, where she has been living for the better half of a year. 

word came out today that at her finale party - what was estimated to be a "small" group of close friends ("small" = 2,500) drunk, stoned young hipsters puking on the floor, humping each other and vibrating to the music - she was totes kicked out of the backstage area of the playboy club nightclub for not having any passes or wristbands. oh and not that she wasn't super wasted or high or whatever, but still......

she then uttered the famous line :

"don't you know who i am?"

and security responded : "no ma'am, we actually do not know who you are. who are you?"

and as that is not one of the proper responses to when kathleen hits you with the name game, she then she ran onstage, grabbed the microphone and began screeching a bunch of crazyness over the bleep-bloop music.

she took over some relevant underground hip DJ's set to say, "this is complete bullshit! i am getting chased by security at my own event!! can someone please call joey at 438-4896? i need my xanax like yesterday. fuck this. i'm going to go back to my VIP table. fuck you all, thanks for coming and please no flash photography." as she was wrapping up her last soliloquy, security literally tackled her on stage in front of the crowd. and then she screeched, "hey! watch the hands! don't you know who you're dealing with here? i'm gonna get you fired! hope you like unemployment, fucker!"

her getting hauled off the stage was not pretty and the people witnessing the ordeal were not pleased about our girl being hauled away by johnny law. have the grimaldi police force not been told "the rules"? kathleen is too beautiful to go near a jail cell, and to not immediately wish her well and have a funfetti cake handy is the ultimate insult on her birthday.

right before she sat her happy ass in the back of a cop car, for being drunk and unruly in public,  she thanked everyone for coming and asked that joey play a song for her and quetzy.  she also apologized to ol' sammy 'third degree' burns (who happens to be 1/3 owner of the nightclub this all went down in) and then offered (joking or not) a handjob if he would phone his lawyer. hers - the infamous judah fussganger - who happens to be in india, on an off-the-grid type situation for scamming a well-off client.

but who cares?! the doll is still locked up as of now in the drunk tank and needs to be snorting lines and playing every rage against the machine song she knows!!!