the kisses cut the bullshit
the doll's fanmail column for hep parade hasn't even been dead long enough to attract worms, yet she's already back at it! why? who the hell gives that much of a shit about kathleen to keep such a crappy crapola column running? i would rather read the phonebook than any more fanmail!
just in time to dispel rumors that the two are having issues, the pretty people club magazine directed fans to write the kisses with questions regarding their relationship, engagement and baby. the couple answered individually and it's a hoot...............but this shit had better not become a regular thing again!
Q: Which would you rather have - a girl or a boy?
doll: a healthy baby
joey: a healthy baby
Q: What happened on your first date?
doll: 8-BALL
joey: doll got a nosebleed
Q: Is Jimmy Kiss as big of a 'wet mop' about your relationship as the tabloids make him out to be?
doll: BIGGER - i almost had to fork over my letterman's jacket to that creep
joey: it hasn't been a walk in the park, but i think he's gotten over himself by now
Q: Who are you considering for the godparents?
doll: DUH - the hell boys; headlock is a close second, though
joey: i want headlock as the godfather so that he can teach our kid how to drink hard booze with no chasers
Q: Are you going to let your child enter show business?
doll: ROFL @ SHOW BUSINESS - i work at the biggest whorehouse in arcadia let's cut the shit
joey: um, it'd be kind of hard not to - unless we relocated to outer space.......
Q: Is there anything from your pasts that you are afraid will come back to haunt you once Kathleen has given birth?
doll: yes - his name is beau goodman
joey: no, i am the ghost - i know everyone, but they don't know me
Q: Doll, are you sad that you can't drink or do drugs anymore?
doll: says who? i still drink and do drugs - now i just share with my baby
joey: the doll doesn't get sad - she always gets what she wants
Q: There are rumors floating around Arcadia that the two of you, namely Joey, are doing drugs - isn't the life of your baby be more important than getting high? Or do you both want to go to jail?
doll: you wanna know what jail is like? go to your local high school, find a janitor's closet and lock yourself inside for a week
joey: jail is for ugly people
Q: This is for Kathleen : you seem to be drawn to hep cities, like Cielo and Grimaldi and Arcadia - what attracts you to these locales?
doll: the vibes, the vibes, the vibes
joey: she's drawn to the city, i'm drawn to her
Q: In magazine articles, you two come off as being very intimate - yet it seems you are constantly surrounded by an excess of people; will that change once the baby is born?
doll: UM YA - HEADLOCK WON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER
joey: seriously - i'm scared that some night i'll go to the crib and discover that our baby missing, only to find him in the garage with headlock......drinking hooch and listening to baseball games
Q: Who will be in your wedding party?
doll: sodapop is going to be the flower girl, ludo will be my maid of honor - the lost boys are over the moon to be my bridesmaids in black. P.S. headlock informed me that he would be officiating the ceremony, whether we like it or not
joey: jimmy has consented to be my best man; johnny wants to be the ring bearer
Q: You've hardly talked about Jimmy's reaction to when you both began to date - how did he actually take it?
doll: cried, screamed, bummed a ciggie off of me, cried some more, got drunk, fell down, squeezed out a few more tears, fell asleep on the street, woke up a policeman giving him a mean hairy eyeball and then stumbled back to joey and i; from there, he bummed a few more ciggies, we gave him some blow, he took a shower, calmed the fuck down and apologized. subsequently, he was asked to leave.
joey: with respect to my older brother, jimmy took it like an airplane crash
Q: Did Jimmy really ask for his letterman's jacket back?
doll: ....................................LOL
joey: LOL....................................
Q: For your child's future, what is your biggest fear?
doll: I'M SCARED MY BABY WILL TURN OUT 2 BE A L7
joey: i don't want my kid stepping foot in the riot house - its reputation of being the kind of place a mother wouldn't want their child going precedes the joint enough for me
Q: What's the first thing that you're going to do once the baby is born?
doll: i'm going to walk into the riot house and check into a room, no, a bungalow under a fake name - like harmonishka - from there, i will page my drug dealer score some blow. then, off of a framed picture, stolen right from the riot house walls, i will rail a line as long as the mississippi. all while the baby is watching, of course.
joey: i'm going to watch the doll do all of that
Q: Be honest - would you let Jimmy babysit?
doll: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL i would rather be strung by my thumbs and have my eyeballs dug out with an ice-cream scooper!
joey: um, would you?
okay, whoever sent in that last question deserves to be sainted; and - i'm talking to kathleen here - she deserves sainthood as well for her angelic response. uncle jimmy is going to be, hands down, the worst uncle in the history of uncles! sodapop will be the runner-up, but jimmy has him beat with a clean sweep.