pig sting at the 312 dollhouse!

this bitch will never learn! even though her own company hired her a handler because she can't get her ducks in a row and even though her cracky boyfriend just barely strolled out of jail in time for christmas, the doll has been involved in yet another police matter! investigators arrived at 312 skid row this afternoon to "tie up some loose ends" concerning jimmy kiss and beau badman's bare-knuckled street fight. sodapop told the flashers that kathleen opened the door to them and before they could exhale out one sentence, she told them to kindly get the fuck off her property. then she yelled at headlock for even letting them through the front gates!

i don't know what to believe - if you or i pulled that kind of stunt, we'd be long gone in a jail cell by now, protecting ourselves from the butthole surfer rapists.

jimmy wants beau to sleep with the fishes

he probably already has the coffin and plot paid for

the word around the campfire is that once jimmy gets out, he's going to have beau "pushing up daisies." jimmy kiss is back to being the lowest man on the totem pole, again - because kathleen basically lives in the easy street hills smoking foilies with the one person you're not supposed to smoke foilies with - beau badman. sodapop cola opened his big, fat mouth to the press today and pretty much said that when jimmy gets out, he's going to find beau and turn his face into hamburger.

surprisingly, jimmy seems to be handling the news well. wait, what am i saying? he's probably just flooding the jail with his alligator tears, in between asking santa to let him out early in lieu of a christmas gift. santa may not be listening, but the press sure is! you know he totally had the waterworks going as he told the fence this regarding beau;

"he's a rotter - hanging would be too good for him. i would like it very much if she would discard of him."

like jimmy's any prize!

soda has already gone around and shushed the front pages - he insists that his sister and jimmy are still together - she just handed over his visitation hours to the kiss family this week. yeah, right! they're done for sure. expect to see a garbage bag full of trilbies in the doll's trash any day now.

hey! let's not forgot headlock. say the word and he'll have this mess cleaned up in two shakes of a lamb's tail.

jimmy the jailbird

kiss gets a free room at the grey-bar hotel
he checked in and they get to tell him when he checks out!

jimmy just barely got home to arcadia from working in mulholland and he's already gotten himself handcuffed, arrested, thrown in the back of a paddywagon, booked and jailed! at least it was worth it - jimmy kiss was arrested for assault and battery on the one and only beau badman! jimmy's boot heel met beau's face and they definitely won't be cruising for chicks at the bowling alley anytime soon, because beau has a broken nose and jimmy's in jail.

the trouble started when jimmy, fresh off the plane from mulholland, arrived at his 312 skid row home expecting to see kathleen - only she was nowhere in sight! mates informed him that she was at the l'amour, a restaurant and bar on one of the main drags. when he got there, he found beau and kathleen together and had a total beauty pageant meltdown. eventually, the fight made its way outside and as onlookers were pulling him off beau, jimmy kicked beau in the face and broke his nose. cue the waterworks from kathleen.

still, the best part of the story came when jimmy started wailing at the arresting officers, "don't you know who i am?" no, jimmy, they don't! they don't, because you don't do shit! come on, let's not kid ourselves - kiss will roll over and die before he works a day in his life. seriously. jimmy also had the guts to tell the cops his occupation was a "photographer." yeah, right! don't make me laugh! if you're a photographer, i'm a WWII flying ace. if anything, you're a comedian!

meanwhile, back in arcadia, as kiss was getting cozy in the clink - the doll was getting cozy with beau badman! outside of the emergency room, she told photographers that, "beau was rather lucky," and that there will be no permanent damage or need for surgery. she also said that, "he's still quite the looker." i'll bet jimmy was thrilled to hear that.

details are still sketchy as to if kiss will be seeing jail time over the incident, but seeing as how jimmy is in kat's pocket, he should be out in no time! from there, he will surely reprise his role as the captain of the ss kiss beatdown and steady his course for one beau badman.