jimmy the jailbird

kiss gets a free room at the grey-bar hotel
he checked in and they get to tell him when he checks out!

jimmy just barely got home to arcadia from working in mulholland and he's already gotten himself handcuffed, arrested, thrown in the back of a paddywagon, booked and jailed! at least it was worth it - jimmy kiss was arrested for assault and battery on the one and only beau badman! jimmy's boot heel met beau's face and they definitely won't be cruising for chicks at the bowling alley anytime soon, because beau has a broken nose and jimmy's in jail.

the trouble started when jimmy, fresh off the plane from mulholland, arrived at his 312 skid row home expecting to see kathleen - only she was nowhere in sight! mates informed him that she was at the l'amour, a restaurant and bar on one of the main drags. when he got there, he found beau and kathleen together and had a total beauty pageant meltdown. eventually, the fight made its way outside and as onlookers were pulling him off beau, jimmy kicked beau in the face and broke his nose. cue the waterworks from kathleen.

still, the best part of the story came when jimmy started wailing at the arresting officers, "don't you know who i am?" no, jimmy, they don't! they don't, because you don't do shit! come on, let's not kid ourselves - kiss will roll over and die before he works a day in his life. seriously. jimmy also had the guts to tell the cops his occupation was a "photographer." yeah, right! don't make me laugh! if you're a photographer, i'm a WWII flying ace. if anything, you're a comedian!

meanwhile, back in arcadia, as kiss was getting cozy in the clink - the doll was getting cozy with beau badman! outside of the emergency room, she told photographers that, "beau was rather lucky," and that there will be no permanent damage or need for surgery. she also said that, "he's still quite the looker." i'll bet jimmy was thrilled to hear that.

details are still sketchy as to if kiss will be seeing jail time over the incident, but seeing as how jimmy is in kat's pocket, he should be out in no time! from there, he will surely reprise his role as the captain of the ss kiss beatdown and steady his course for one beau badman.

the 312 has a revolving door reputation

well...according to the one and only jimmy kiss. he told the photographers staked outside of his skid row home in arcadia today that kathleen is a "party girl" and as a result, the house has quickly gained a "revolving door reputation." he pretty much said that she doesn't listen to him and invites over "everyone and anyone." and by that, i'm sure he just means beau goodman. or should i say beau badman! he is kathleen's coke dealer coattail-rider and hails from the elite easy street hills. let me put it this way - if jimmy is bad, beau is worse.

he was working at the l'amour restaurant as a bartender, so it was only natural that he and kathleen became best friends. now he's somebody! it's that easy. but he's about to be one dead somebody, because jimmy told the papers that he can't stand beau. actually, i believe kiss said, "i wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire." well...cat's out of the bag! you know jimmy sits out front of the 312 all day in a rocking chair, smoking a corncob pipe, with a shotgun in his lap - just waiting for beau badman.

now, word around the campfire is that jimmy basically went to the top of the tallest building in town and threatened to jump if kathleen didn't agree to stop seeing beau. she caved in and promised she would stop being his best and only friend. except, she must have been making that promise with her fingers crossed behind her back, because she and badman are still chummy chums, chumming about arcadia. i think the bast part, though, would be that kiss - who doesn't contribute a single dime to the 312, because he doesn't really do anything for a living, except cook heroin on a spoon over a candle play with a camera once in a while - still thinks it's appropriate to order the doll around! earth to papa kiss - no one even asked you anyways!

and p.s., the only other person who is using the "revolving doors" - besides beau - at the 312, is sodapop cola. the deadbeat has been living in a tent in the backyard since the two kisses bought the place!