the doll does the walk of shame

out of the garbage-pail pigsty that is beau badman's house

jimmy kiss is probably dropping tears into buckets quicker than a leaky roof during a tennessee thunderstorm, because today, the mystery as to where kathleen has been for the past couple of days has been solved. scooby doo and the gang can pack up the mystery machine - the doll was with none other than beau badman!

headlock, naturally, arrived out front of beau's squat earlier this evening and left the car running. beau walked kathleen out and the two shared a kiss on the cheek before she left. gross, i know. kissing beau is like a dead ringer for freebasing black tar heroin. baby babble said in her own defense, that the two have grown super close as she spends so much time with beau because he's helping her with her new book. she said he's already logged over fifteen hours writing notes. fifteen hours? writing notes? how slow does he write? better yet, can he even spell? i'm sure his only note was, "more drugs, more doll, less kiss."

jimmy demanded she come home for her birthday party, which is tomorrow. everyone who is anyone is expected to be in attendance. well, everyone but beau badman! kiss said, "he's not invited - he can go piss up a rope for all i care." too bad beau doesn't even know how to read! his feelings would have been totally hurt, jimmy. seriously, though, next time, "fuck the fuck off, beau," will do just fine!

instead of running the list at the door of the doll's birthday party for who gets in, headlock should be running one on who leaves. if beau can't have kathleen, no one can! she will make sure of that and run up the easy street hills where no one can find her and smoke foilies until the sun comes up...and goes down and comes up again. instead of lighting candles on the birthday cake, she and beau can light candles for spoons full of heroin to cook over. you know, things jimmy kiss could never offer the doll in a million-flip-floppity-jillion years. or as kathleen would say - "jimmy, who?" kiss might as well go stick his head in the sand now and wait for kathleen to come crawling back to him.

the 312 has a revolving door reputation

well...according to the one and only jimmy kiss. he told the photographers staked outside of his skid row home in arcadia today that kathleen is a "party girl" and as a result, the house has quickly gained a "revolving door reputation." he pretty much said that she doesn't listen to him and invites over "everyone and anyone." and by that, i'm sure he just means beau goodman. or should i say beau badman! he is kathleen's coke dealer coattail-rider and hails from the elite easy street hills. let me put it this way - if jimmy is bad, beau is worse.

he was working at the l'amour restaurant as a bartender, so it was only natural that he and kathleen became best friends. now he's somebody! it's that easy. but he's about to be one dead somebody, because jimmy told the papers that he can't stand beau. actually, i believe kiss said, "i wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire." well...cat's out of the bag! you know jimmy sits out front of the 312 all day in a rocking chair, smoking a corncob pipe, with a shotgun in his lap - just waiting for beau badman.

now, word around the campfire is that jimmy basically went to the top of the tallest building in town and threatened to jump if kathleen didn't agree to stop seeing beau. she caved in and promised she would stop being his best and only friend. except, she must have been making that promise with her fingers crossed behind her back, because she and badman are still chummy chums, chumming about arcadia. i think the bast part, though, would be that kiss - who doesn't contribute a single dime to the 312, because he doesn't really do anything for a living, except cook heroin on a spoon over a candle play with a camera once in a while - still thinks it's appropriate to order the doll around! earth to papa kiss - no one even asked you anyways!

and p.s., the only other person who is using the "revolving doors" - besides beau - at the 312, is sodapop cola. the deadbeat has been living in a tent in the backyard since the two kisses bought the place!