in a series of sad and totally predictable events, the doll crashed her beloved black townhearse, affectionately nicknamed 'the gravedigger,' into the front foyer of the riot house last night, also sending her french grand piano to the great cocktail lounge in the sky.
she had just finished logging some considerable hours in the bar, which is located in the basement of the hotel. around one in the morning, kathleen, acting sneaky like a snake, snuck the keys from headlock's pocket and then headed off with mates to spacecruise around cielo and laugh about what a tool headlock is. or, as rocko j. nasty calls him, "headcock."
witnesses, also known as the flashers, said that they saw her drive around the blow a couple of times, race down the wrong side of the road and, after hopping a curb, crashed into the riot house. forget that! i say the riot house crashed into her.
the front pages were the first to allege that maybe, oh, i don't know, the doll was dancing on a cloud of heroin smoke or skiing down a mountain of blow when all of this went down - maybe both - but i'm not sold. there are plenty of explanations for this :
1.) she was trying to run jimmy kiss over
2.) she was trying to run beau badman over
3.) it was a futile suicide attempt
4.) the wheel slipped away from her
5.) she doesn't know how to park
6.) she thought trotsky was driving
7.) she didn't know that she couldn't do that
everyone knows that her license has pretty much been suspended since the day she got it - but the cops are forgiving her, on account of all the grief she is getting over the freak fest. the chief of police, and i kid you not, said that they were going to clear all charges, because, "she has enough on her plate." she has nothing on her plate and everyone knows it!