none of us have anything better to do right now and neither does the doll, so she decided to answer fanmail. plus, it's the only thing to distract us from the current state of affairs.
Q: How have you been? We've missed you!
A: i don't really miss you, but i sure miss dunkaroos
Q: Did you have any nicknames as a child?
A: ...the butcher called me "sunshine"...
Q: Why are you called "the Doll"?
A: because "minnie the moocher" was taken
Q: How do you feel about your little "Doll Army"? Or whatever you want to call your fanbase.
A: i love my fans but they're all insane. just like you. never reach out to me again. unless you want to be a willing recruit for my brand new guitar army, not doll army
Q: Why did Joey Kiss move back into your Arcadian home?
A: ? 1st i've heaRD of it
Q: Is there any truth to this whole you're "off the wagon" rumors going around?
A: i;m straight as a die although i have been winding myself up lately...tonight, though, i am rolling up my sleeves for a grand (sober) doll massive creative momental *cracks knuckles, undoes one pajama shirt button* and i feel a creative dribble begin to trickle...
Q: What did you do for your 30th birthday?
A: who says i'm 30?
for my last bithday i took a sabbatical
i...went away for a bit
i went into the middle of the woods and didn't come out until i was ready
the nez perce tribe looks for "weyekins" to guide and protect...i only found berries and twigs though...JUST MY LUCK
Q: Whatcha up to, friend?
A: right now, me, myself and none of your business are in arcady, awaiting headlock (as always) so we can have dinner. it's been a copasetic weekend. quetzy is upstairs asleep and the cats downstairs are playing. i'll be writing and rehearsing tonight...new tunes a plenty!
Q: What's the last book you've read?
A: a book on native american myths + legends...before that a book of hunter s. thompson's letters...before that the bell jar
Q: So, what have you been doing in quarantine?
A: i didn't bake no bread
i didn't do any puzzles
plants don't like me
i don't do video calls
Q: Why do you like The Wolfman Jack Show so much? It's always brought up in your work, interviews...explain.
A: when i was a teenager, there was a winter i was snowbound in a cabin. all i had was a radio, grass and books. i would listen to the wolfman and write and write. all my best stuff was written while listening to his show. someday when i go to rock 'n' roll heaven, i hope he's waiting for me at the pearly gates.
Q: Would you ever release a book of your journals?
A: yes but only after i die
Q: How did you get slim so quickly after having Quetzy?
A: simple diet of candy corn, jelly beans, gummi worms, gummi bears and licorice
Q: Speaking of Quetzy, she's going to be 6 this year! Are you excited for her to start school?
A: oh you mean the early reality that my child will ultimately be brainwashed and indoctrinated into a society that has no problem alienating her and putting her in a box? what is this "school" going to teach her that i can't....if i had the time but i don’t
Q: What's your go to? Coffee and cigarettes? Joint and a cocktail?
A: shampoo + set
Q: How many tattoos do you have; and of what?
A: eight, eight the burning hate - between monday and sunday hangs a day so dark it will devistate : mermaid, tiger, rose, horseshoe, pinup, doll, smiling face and a heart with an arrow
Q: What do you do when you're sad?
A: sleep
it's my best thing
"i could sleep for a thousand years"
-"venus in furs"; the velvet underground
Q: When the trial was going on for the Freak Fest, what were you thinking?
A: i was thinking that i wanted the same lawyers nixon had!!!!!!
Q: What's your deal?
A: my deal is the no-deal deal in which you get nothing that i don’t offer.
Q: No really - what's your deal?
A: i'm no hester prynne - queen boudica is long dead and gone; and like the libertines said, "if elvis was the king, he had his piece of the pie - his century's over and i'm havin' mine"
Q: I can't believe you still do fanmail! That's so cool!
A: i can;t believe it - i look at myself in the mirror answering these, asking myself where everything went wrong
Q: Do you have any nicknames for the brothers Kiss?
A: joey bag of donuts
jimmy bag of pretzels
and, of course, johnny bag of jellybeans
Q: What's your biggest pet peeve?
A: when people try to take me for the proverbial "long ride", you know? the old goat-rope. can't stand.
Q: How did you and the producer go about working on COOLER THAN U?
A: it was like this:
producer : doll, how many guitar effects do you want for your album?
me : yes.
Q: How did you want to go about marketing the album?
A: i wanted the tagline on the poster to be : "it's everything you'd want and nothing you'd expect" but then i realized i'm pretty much everything you'd expect...AND NOTHING U WANT LOL
Q: How do you feel about the youth of today?
A: they have mud in their mouths and they're still chewing gum
she could be posting online videos of her doing fashion shows in her mansion...she could be cutting and then later releasing a smash quarantine album...she could even be sitting on a cushion with a harem of hangers-on fanning her and washing her feet with their tears...but no. instead, we get this.
and you know what? i’m not going to complain because i’d rather have this doll than no doll.
